Long post...
DD was born almost 4 weeks ago at 35 weeks gestation. We did triple feeds and nursed with a nipple shield and got to where she was off of formula supplements completely within a week of coming home. In the week after that, I was having some success getting her to latch without the NS.
DD has been and continues to gain weight really well and is reaching all development milestones on time or early!
But - I have now been battling an extremely painful breast yeast infection along with what my doctors think is mastitis. Since the pain was so severe, we stopped working on getting her off the NS because I couldn't tolerate her trying to latch without it (never had a good latch). She is no longer attempting to latch well without it and I am terrified that we've lost that opportunity. She approaches the NS like a bottle, which she's still on after maybe half of her feedings because she'll nurse for over an hour and repeatedly falls asleep and then is hungry when we stop and she wakes up enough to realize she's hungry. It's like she sees the bottle as food and the breast as comfort with a snack. I repeatedly wake her up and prod her to keep eating, pull her off to burp her, etc. but she still falls asleep. She also has a VSD and I don't know if the falling asleep is because of the VSD, her being early and age, or what! She will DOWN a bottle in no time and will happily stay awake for long stretches when not nursing.
In spite of pumping (see below), my supply doesn't seem to be keeping up with her and she's back on formula at some feedings. She pretty much cleans me out nursing and the pumping gets less than an ounce each time.
Because of the mastitis, I am still pumping after almost every feeding, which makes each feeding well over an hour long for me and means I cannot care for her alone because she rarely falls asleep so I can pump. I can't bear to let her cry while I pump. I have pumped one at a time while trying to hold her, but it's not working as well with a 4 week old who gets bored sitting still as it was with a newborn. (Yes, she falls asleep nursing and then wakes up immediately after she's done.) Dh wants me to go back to feeding her 15 minutes on each breast and then pumping/bottle feeding at each feeding, but I sometimes can get her full if I just let her eat and I don't want to give her any more bottles than we absolutely have to.
I am feeling like the constant pumping and my inability to get her full without a bottle supplement (either ebm or formula) is beginning to genuinely affect my ability to care of her and bond with her. I love her with all of my heart, but other than doctor's appointments and ONE trip to the store, I haven't left my house in four weeks and I don't do ANYTHING that isn't nursing, pumping, or trying to do even the most basic stuff around the house. DH is incredibly supportive, but other than he and my mom, who both work, there's no one else to help. I feel like if I could just make her a bottle and feed her in 30 minutes and then be able to hold her and cuddle her instead of nursing and then handing her to someone else or putting her down to pump would be better for both of us. It would also allow me more than 1-2 hours of time in a stretch. I barely sleep, I don't eat right, I haven't bought even real nursing bras because I had her before I'd gone shopping for postpartum stuff. I don't even have any shoes because my feet are bigger after having her, so I only own flip flops that fit.
I am getting really depressed and am starting to feel downright inhuman. I'm at a loss as to how to function. What am I missing since so many of you seem to actually be able to do this?
DD was born almost 4 weeks ago at 35 weeks gestation. We did triple feeds and nursed with a nipple shield and got to where she was off of formula supplements completely within a week of coming home. In the week after that, I was having some success getting her to latch without the NS.
DD has been and continues to gain weight really well and is reaching all development milestones on time or early!
But - I have now been battling an extremely painful breast yeast infection along with what my doctors think is mastitis. Since the pain was so severe, we stopped working on getting her off the NS because I couldn't tolerate her trying to latch without it (never had a good latch). She is no longer attempting to latch well without it and I am terrified that we've lost that opportunity. She approaches the NS like a bottle, which she's still on after maybe half of her feedings because she'll nurse for over an hour and repeatedly falls asleep and then is hungry when we stop and she wakes up enough to realize she's hungry. It's like she sees the bottle as food and the breast as comfort with a snack. I repeatedly wake her up and prod her to keep eating, pull her off to burp her, etc. but she still falls asleep. She also has a VSD and I don't know if the falling asleep is because of the VSD, her being early and age, or what! She will DOWN a bottle in no time and will happily stay awake for long stretches when not nursing.
In spite of pumping (see below), my supply doesn't seem to be keeping up with her and she's back on formula at some feedings. She pretty much cleans me out nursing and the pumping gets less than an ounce each time.
Because of the mastitis, I am still pumping after almost every feeding, which makes each feeding well over an hour long for me and means I cannot care for her alone because she rarely falls asleep so I can pump. I can't bear to let her cry while I pump. I have pumped one at a time while trying to hold her, but it's not working as well with a 4 week old who gets bored sitting still as it was with a newborn. (Yes, she falls asleep nursing and then wakes up immediately after she's done.) Dh wants me to go back to feeding her 15 minutes on each breast and then pumping/bottle feeding at each feeding, but I sometimes can get her full if I just let her eat and I don't want to give her any more bottles than we absolutely have to.
I am feeling like the constant pumping and my inability to get her full without a bottle supplement (either ebm or formula) is beginning to genuinely affect my ability to care of her and bond with her. I love her with all of my heart, but other than doctor's appointments and ONE trip to the store, I haven't left my house in four weeks and I don't do ANYTHING that isn't nursing, pumping, or trying to do even the most basic stuff around the house. DH is incredibly supportive, but other than he and my mom, who both work, there's no one else to help. I feel like if I could just make her a bottle and feed her in 30 minutes and then be able to hold her and cuddle her instead of nursing and then handing her to someone else or putting her down to pump would be better for both of us. It would also allow me more than 1-2 hours of time in a stretch. I barely sleep, I don't eat right, I haven't bought even real nursing bras because I had her before I'd gone shopping for postpartum stuff. I don't even have any shoes because my feet are bigger after having her, so I only own flip flops that fit.
I am getting really depressed and am starting to feel downright inhuman. I'm at a loss as to how to function. What am I missing since so many of you seem to actually be able to do this?
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