getting your child in the door

[~*Guest]

I am experiencing some difficulties with my 3 year old dd. Everytime we need to come inside from the car or from playing out in the yard, she refuses to come in. I will ask her several times and wait; but she either runs away or continues playing. I will say, "lets go in and get some milk" ;(i know no the best way) but that doesn't work either. I try to make a game of it sometimes, I tell her how frustrated I am, nothing works. The whole time I am holding the dd2 who is a year, trying to get her inside too as she squirms around. So I usually end up getting really mad and grabbing dd's hand and pulling her inside. I really don't want to do this because it is rough and makes both of us upset. But sometimes we have to go inside and start dinner or use the potty or whatever. She gets lots of outdoor time and free play time. It just seems to be her defiant "thing". Any suggestions here?

[Fuamami]

Aargh. I feel you. This is always something that has driven me crazy too. Can you ever let her play alone outside, and just go in without her? Can you stick the baby in a safe place inside, and then pick her up and carry her in? Sorry I don't have any very good suggestions!

[~*Guest]

i wouldn't feel comfortable leaving her outside alone. we don't have a fenced in yard and she could very easily wander away. i could take the baby in first in most cases, then bring her in. i just get caught up in this feeling like, "she is three and a half, i shouldn't have to carry her inside". but i know those shoulds can get us in trouble. thanks

[UUMom]

Originally Posted by newsong

i wouldn't feel comfortable leaving her outside alone. we don't have a fenced in yard and she could very easily wander away. i could take the baby in first in most cases, then bring her in. i just get caught up in this feeling like, "she is three and a half, i shouldn't have to carry her inside". but i know those shoulds can get us in trouble. thanks

Think about it .She is 3 nd 1/2! Only 3.5. A blip considering the average life expectancy is 75 for women in the US. lol Thats barely out of babyhood! Because you have an younger child doesn't make the older child less needy. What would you do if they were twins?

I have two who are not quite 16 mos apart in age, and that's what go me through their early years (and years!). I thought of them as twins in their need. There is absolutely no sib rivalry to this day, and they are best buddies. More than anything, I think that is because of their personalities, but not asking more from one did help me at least! lol I used to carry the younger child in my arms (or in a sling), and the older child on my back (they can hang on better, or when I needed them contained, I'd put the older child in a backpack).

CArrying one in your arms, and one on your back fromt he car to the house can be fun for them. (You giggle and do it as fast as you can...and in a few seconds it's over, and you can breathe). Everyine is happy and the older child doesn't feel shut out. Once the children were in from the car or double jogger (saved my life), I would set them up with something-- snack, whatever, and the go back for the stuff in the car.

Lots of times, I left at least some of the stuff for dh to lug into the house. . Thank goodness for remote locks, kwim? lol

[cutekid]

My favorite thing to do for transitions is the 5 minute count down. I started doing this several months back when I realized that I could no longer tell my DS something arbitrary (such as go down the slide one more time, and then we are leaving) to get him to leave. The five minute count down doesn't even have to be five minutes. Its been effective, I will tell my DS we are leaving in 5 minutes to finish up his play time. Then I give a count down 4 min, 3 min, ... until we are a zero by this time my DS knows I am heading to my next destination. Sometimes I am already out the door...or at the car but never the less it works for him.
I don't get a lot of tantrums or defiance using this method. However, if I don't give the count down he will let me know it. IF I say "okay lets go" he'll tell me, just five more minutes. lol This might work for you..it may take a few times for her to know that you are serious about ending the activity at five minutes.
HTH.

Denise

[kms1]

Something that works for me is getting my child to do the 'one thing that helps them to feel finished playing' - this is especially since we do a version of the 5 minutes count down and DS1 will often still want to keep going when 5 minutes is up.

HTH

[abac]

What has been working for us for months now, (I'm wondering when it's going to fail,) is racing. Everywhere. Everything is a race. If I want him to pee, I race him, (we have 2 bathrooms.) If I want him to get dressed, we race. I'll say, "See if you can get inside and get your shoes off before I can get the groceries out of the trunk." Or, if I don't feel like participating, I'll time him. "Last time you peed in 14 seconds. See if you can pee in 10 seconds today. GO!" (And I always say GO! very quickly and excitedly, so he doesn't stand there thinking about whether he wants to race...the race is already on!)

I agree with a pp who suggested letting her stay outside if you can. Or maybe try to slow down and stay out with her for a bit most of the time. Things can wait. Take the time to smell the flowers and all...

HTH