if you have kids 2.5-3 years apart, how do you like the spacing?

[caedmyn]

DD is 21 months old...we're planning on TTC next month, so if I get pregnant quickly DD will be 31-33 months old when we have another baby. I'd originally wanted my kids 2 years apart, but now I'm wondering if 3 years apart wouldn't be better. DD is generally a fairly easy kid, but sometimes I feel really overwhelmed. She still wakes 1-3 times a night, frequently refuses to go to sleep for hours after her bedtime even though she's exhausted, and has nap issues as well. She also has many many food intolerances and sometimes the hassle of making everything from scratch and always have to worry about what to eat if we're out gets to me. Also, I really need some "me" time most days, and I barely get enough with just DD...I probably won't get any when we have another baby.

Anyhow, I just don't have baby fever this time around like I did with DD. I really don't want to have my kids too far apart, and I know DD would love to have a sibling, but at the same time I don't want to spend my entire pregnancy dreading getting even less sleep and feeling even more overwhelmed once the new baby arrives. I suppose I could wait a few more months to TTC, but there's really no guarantee that DD is magically going to start sleeping better in 6 months, or whatever.

All this to say...for those who ended up with kids 2.5-3 years apart, how do you like the spacing? Did it work well for you, or do you wish you'd had them closer together or further apart?

[lilyka]

we have a set that is 2 1/2 years apart and one that is 3 1/2 years apart. both were good for different reasons. the sleeping thing. . . my midle child was bby far my worst sleeper but we worked really hard to get her sleeping better before the baby comes. my last was far and away my best sleeper. so that worked out. The thought of dealing with Lily and the new baby was enough to make me really get serious about instilling better sleep habits regardless of how tired I was. I knew I could not go another two years without sleep. otherwise i thought 2 1/2 years was great. Lily was really into the baby and old enough to do some things by herself.

[LilyGrace]

2.75 years apart here and it's lovely. It's close enough so they can play together, but far enough apart so we don't have too many "but heeeeeee gets to!" issues.

[chrissy]

my first two are 35 months apart.
my second two are almost 32 months apart.

it's been really good spacing for us. i had wanted them to be closer together but i think it has worked out well.

[hippymomma69]

Mine are 34 months apart. I originally wanted them closer together but now I'm glad it didn't work out that way. My DD was VERY needy at 2. By the time she was 3, she will still high needs but way more independent and able to "wait a second" - very important when nursing a newborn! LOL She could also do alot of things for herself by then or even help me out by bringing me things, etc.

I sometimes wish I'd had them even further apart (maybe waited another year) because my DD is so high needs...but the payoff has been that they are way more able to play together now that they are 1 and 4...I think a 5 and a 1 year old would have had a bit more awkward time....at least based on their personalities.

hth
peace,
robyn

[UnschoolnMa]

My kids are 28 months apart. Honestly? It was too close for me. If I were planning it again I'd be spacing them at least 3 years apart. Maybe 5. It was a pretty rough for the first year or so, and I'd like to have had more time to be available to them when they were babies. Ds (my first) was very high needs and when Dd came it just got a little jumbled.

It did turn out okay though. They love each other and are pretty close.

[lovemysunshine]

Mine are 22 months apart. We had wanted about 3 year spacing and it worked out well since I didn't get PPAF until 23 months pp and got pg at 25 months pp. My DD was/is high needs, still doesn't sleep through the night at 4.25 (but can go back to sleep on her own once she comes to our bed, finally!), etc.

I think if I had to do it over again, I would probably have more like 3.5-4 year spacing. Age 3 was really, really tough for DD and us. I think part of it was adding the sibling to the mix, but most of it was just age and personality. It was really rough having a newborn, dealing with ppd, and trying desperately not to lose it with her. But now it is awesome watching them together (um, usually ) so it has worked out in the end. But the first year was rough. Really rough. :

[shaykismama]

Our girls are 3 years apart, almost exactly, and I LOVE it. I always wanted a 2 year separation, but now I'm very happy that I had trouble conceiving because the timing was wonderful. We plan to have our next at 3 years or more separation.

Good luck!

[mamocak]

My first two are 2.5 years apart and they get along very well and I like their spacing a lot. My sister and I are also 2.5 years apart and we get along great and always have. My 2nd and 3rd are 3 years apart and they seem worlds apart. I don't like their spacing as they don't have much in common. My 3rd and 4th are 19 months apart. They get along well and like the same things, but they are much harder because they are close in age. The younger years are a killer. So I like 2.5 years best!!

[USAmma]

3.2 years apart and it was very hard in the beginning. My dd1 had a horrid time with her 3's and into her 4's. She needed more attention than I could give her.

But . . . my girls are now the best of friends (ages 3 and 6) and play well together. If they were any farther apart they would probably not have as much in common and be able to play as well.

[Llyra]

2.5 years apart here, and I think it was the wrong spacing. I would have aimed for 3 years. I think DD1 was at a really high-need stage of her life, in the middle of potty learning and in the middle of her "terrible twos," and the twins' arrival was really hard for her. Now I can see that 3 is WAY different from 2.5, and I think if they were arriving now she'd be more ready to handle it.

[lilyka]

everyone keeps talking about how they play together so nicely. This is not always the case. my first and second (who are 3 1/2 years apart) are the two that play together mostly and my third almost always gets left out even though my second and third are much closer in age. i would have thought that 2 and 3 would have ben closer but by the time Ava was old enough to play Madeline and lily had their bond going no and Ava was the baby who wanted to do baby things.

[mommy2abigail]

This is great to read. DD and her sibling will be 35 months apart, and it's nice to see a lot of you liked the 3 year spacing. I've been very worried about it, especially since dd is pretty high needs. I'm hoping to make the transition as smooth as possible...:

[beanma]

mine are 2 yrs 9.5 mo apart. i would have liked to have them closer to 2.5 yrs apart. they do play very well together now, but i think at 6.5 my dd1 is a little bit of a "young" 6.5 and at 3.75 (almost 4) my dd2 is a bit of an older 3.75. i was and am not super close with my sibs. i'm 6.5 yrs younger than my sis and 9 yrs younger than my bro. the years when they're little are so short and they'll have so many more years together. it was a bit difficult at times when dd2 was a baby, but dd1 was my high needs child and dd2 was my medium/slightlyhigh so it all seemed easier the second time around as far as the baby was concerned. there was just a big learning curve on my part as far as juggling mom duties. we got it figured out (tandem nursing helped) and they really do like to play together now.

hth

[nolansmummy]

My two are almost exactly three years apart. It has been hard these first few months. My dd is only 6 months old, and while she sleeps thru the night, she doesn't like to actually FALL asleep. There have been many times i feel i've neglected my three year old, its hard. Also my ds was potty trained about 3 months after she was born. Luckily we were living with my Mil or i don't know how we would've managed. Its cute now, they [play together, I don't think waiting any more time in between them would have made this time easier.
Its just harder with two kids i think regardless of how far apart they are sometimes. The baby will always need something when your busy with the other and vice versa. I'm still trying to find the balance.
I also wanted to say that we waited three years becasue i didn't want kids too close together nor did i want them five or more years apart. partially because me and my siblings are all five years apart. I never felt really close to them until we were way older and i wanted my kids to be closer.

[Carlyn]

Our babies were 3.5, 2, and 2.5 years apart. All of the timings worked well for us. One thing I hadn't thought of before was something two different women mentioned to me this summer. They had their children close together, and now they've all moved out...in a very short time of each other. So they went from busy households to empty really quick...and it's really different for them now!

[McTel]

My boys are 33 months apart. I wanted them to be 3 - 3.5 years apart, so a little earlier than I had planned, but it has worked well. The babe is 9 months now, and they love to wrestle each other and are starting to play alongside each other. It's obvious how much they love each other already, and I'm really happy about that.

I agree with the PP who said that no matter what age, it's a difficult transition. DS1 is very high needs with intense emotions, and while he is at an age where he can put his needs on hold and wait for a while, there are still many days when I have 2 children screaming at the same time. It's much more draining than I ever imagined.

Like you, I never had any baby fever. Really, it was a pragmatic decision - we knew we were having 2 kids, and we didn't want them too far apart, so it was time to get going. We got pregnant right away, though (before we were really "trying"), so I didn't have much time to wrap my mind around it. I think my lack of baby fever was due to what a demanding baby DS1 was - now at 9 months post partum I'm having cuddly baby thoughts that I never had the first time around!

[jillmamma]

My two are 32.5 months apart, and it has been good for the most part. As far as sleeping all night, at 21 months, neither of mine were either, but by age 2, they both were. DS has always been a more "needy" and challenging type of kid than DD, but we adjusted and did okay. Personally, I don't believe that there exists any "perfect" age difference between siblings...just different ones that work well for different people.

[Redifer]

3 years and 3 days apart here. I actually wish I had them closer together! just as i have the new babe, my first is hitting that lovely stage of 3 where she constantly tests me. i think i would have liked them about 18 months apart.

[4Marmalade]

We have a 31 month (about 2-1/2 years) gap here and it's pretty good. They are starting to play well together. Plus ds has started school a few days/week so I get a little break and dd and I get to spend some nice time together.

If anything I wish we had waited a bit longer. We wanted a 3 year gap but dd was a bit of a surprise. Ds is much more high needs so knowing that now I probably would have waited and had maybe a 4 year age gap. But, now we're contemplating #3 and if we go ahead I'm hoping for 3-4 year gap.