"I'm fat" or "I want to be skinny"

[cheriliko]

I'm at such a loss. My dd is only 6 and these phrases are coming out of her mouth - it is so saddening.

So she is a little over weight. But she's a fairly active kid, she takes dance twice a week and loves to practice at home. This started in the summer when one of her friends told her she was fat. As far as I know it was a one time thing a few months ago but it certainly has stuck with her. I'm just not sure what to say to her. I'm afraid about what it is doing to her body image and self esteem. Tonight before bed she was doing jumping jacks and she said she was doing them becuase she wants to be skinny??? Ugh, I'm just not sure what to say to her. Can anyone help?

Thanks!
Cheri
Mum to Shealyn April 2, 2001
and Kalissa February 4, 2005
Brampton Ontario Canada

[Iris' Mom]

Oh, it's so hard, and it starts so young. A few suggestions:

1) Try to redirect her focus on weight to focus on "being healthy," and remind her that healthy people come in many shapes and sizes;

2) Make sure she is active at least 1 hr. a day. Take her to the playground, walk where you can, make her responsible for an age-appropriate chore that involves some movement, etc., to try to work more activity in her day.

Restrictive diets can be very unhealthy for kids, but here are some ways I've used to reduce cals. w/o hunger:

1) Don't drink calories. If she asks for orange juice, suggest an orange and a glass of water. Make sure you use only skim milk. Try to limit to about 3 cups a day; if she wants more, try yogurt with water. Get her to associate thirst/water. I've read that juice is one of the biggest causes of childhood obesity, and liquids tend to be less filling. You are not really restricting her intake of calories directly, but I bet you'll find she eats a bit less.

2) Don't add calories w/ condiments. These don't fill the tummy at all, and can be highly fattening. Cook w/ non-stick spray. Try pepper or other spices instead of butter on veggies, use lite salad dressing and try to get by on as little as possible, try mustard or relish instead of mayo or butter on sandwiches; cut out cream-based sauces and substitute w/ marinara and other less caloric choices.

Good luck.

[j924]

My dd also six has been coming home from school bringing up being skinny a lot. We've done the different body type conversation ad nauseum as all my dds and myself vary in our sizes. What has been helpful is coming up with different adjectives to use. Long legs, strong arms, twisty hips. It's been fun as now she sees it as a challenge to come up with different words. I do realize that it is not touching the real issue of body image, but for now it's been a good starting point.

[greeny]

Oh no, that's so sad. I would be really worried too.

Iris' Mom has some really great suggestions. I'd also add that you and dp or anyone else in the house should be really careful about making any weight-related comments, even joking or casual ones. For example, dh and I never say things, even joking around, like, "I'd better stop eating because my pants aren't fitting me anymore!" or "Oh, no more cake, I'm getting fat!" or even serious talks about losing weight.

We DO talk about eating healthy and exercising, but never in a weight-related way.

(I'm not saying you do these things, but dh and I used to joke around a lot that way, and when we had kids, we realized it wasn't okay anymore.)

[lilyka]

I just look at it as an oppritunity to talk about healthy lifestyles. if the child is a healthy weight I start there. telling them they are healthy and look fine and what not. Then we talk about getting all the vitemins we need, and making strong muscles. My kids also know that calories= eneergy and if you take in fuel for energy that you don't need you can start to get fat. so if they are worried they need to make sure that they are not taking in bad fuel (the kind that doesn't really give them much useable energy) and that they use up what ever they take in (playing outside or something rather than sitting around watching TV, playing computer or video games).

Wealso talk about how skinny does not equal healthy or pretty.