How would you have handled this? - Page 2

[Deir]

chalk it up to a bad day with a baby in a store! We've all been there!

[LynnS6]

Three thoughts (probably random):

At this age, I left the kids home as much as possible when shopping! In your situation, I would have let my dad pick out the stuff at goodwill, or asked my dad to take your dd out so that I could pick out what was needed.

Second, when kids hit the toddler age, our job as parents shifts from preventing all crying/frustration to helping them deal with frustration. At 14-16 months is the absolute worst for that, IMO. That have clear wants, not very clear language, and little or no impulse control.

A leash can serve a protective role, not just a controlling one. The people that I know who use leashes with their dogs live in the city. The dogs can't run into the street, and they don't have the foresight to look for cars. They can be taught to sit at the corner and wait for their owner, but that takes time. And while they are learning, they need to be safe. Ditto for children. For our ds, a leash was a way for him to have autonomy, in a safe way while he was still learning about danger. We used it very little -- while hiking and when I traveled with him alone. Neither place was a safe environment for him to run off on his own (over the side of the mountain?). He HATED being worn. He disliked the confinement of a stroller. The leash kept him safe and able to explore, within boundaries that were appropriate for him to understand. I didn't use it to restrict where he went, just to keep a 'hand' on him while he explored. When we were at home going for walks around the block, we didn't need it. At the store, his choices were close to the cart or in the cart (or we left).

[Sassenach280]

I just wanted to tell you that I can relate! My DD is almost 2 and will not sit still for anything! And what a rude comment for that lady to make!

[octobermom]

We used a backpack style animal harness when we needed with DD its not at all mean whats mean was not protecting her from running into danger or to strap her screaming to a stroller or have both me in excess pain and her throwing herself to the floor trying to escape for a sling (that she eaither loved or hated depending on her mood) It does teach boundries it does allow for some freedom. She looves her harness we dont use it anymore as shs older but shes still put it on all the time

[sea_joy]

Originally Posted by LynnS6

Three thoughts (probably random):

Neither place was a safe environment for him to run off on his own (over the side of the mountain?) .

Um...significatntly less people use leashes than do. So how come children aren't dropping off of mountains like flies? I don't like the implication that people use leashes because their children are harder than regular children, or that the situation is what causes you to use a leash/harness.

It's a personal choice, and I respect that. But it's a choice, you aren't in a position where, if you don't use one your kid is gonna get hurt or die. I think it's just a matter of you deciding that you want to use one. Somehow people everywhere deal with difficult toddlers and children without using leashes. It doesn't make them better parents, or people, but it certainly points out that a leash is an option, not a necessity. I understand that it could help you if you feel like you are going to loose it if you have to run after your kid anymore. Or that it can help you feel like you can be part of regular society without being completely taxed by using all of your attention on your child all the time. I can understand that, and I think a parent needs to do what they can to make themselves as sane and happy as possible.

However, I respectfully completely disagree that a leash is ever necissary, it's a choice. (and I have a TON of experience with children, with my own, with my 6 younger siblings, as do all the parents I nannied and babysat for. My Mother, Grandmother and hell, everyone I know with kids has experience with children. Their kids aren't easier. They just *choose* not to put them a leash)

I would like to make the distinction, though, that is seems like the Mama's here who use harnesses use them properly, and still with respect to their children. A lot of my opposition to them comes from how easiy they can be mis-used.
-Crystal

[childsplay]

Hugs to you...when people make uncalled for remarks it just adds to the stress doesn't it? Same thing happened here yesterday in a large thrift shop. I ended up taking all the kids outside to the back of the parking lot where there was a bit of grass, rocks, scrubby brush. I just sat on the curb and calmed down while the boys built a rock tower, eventually DD (the screamer lol!) calmed down and joined them. We went back in after a while, I got her some water, and gave her a 'list' of two things to find,...so it turned out ok, but boy, times like that I feel pretty helpless! :

Oh and to add, I'm not a violent person by any stretch, but if someone had of informed me that I needed to tan DD's hide because she was upset (and just being a kid lol) I think that person may have been spending the rest of the day nursing a broken nose!

[blizzard_babe]

Originally Posted by littlemama06

"helping" me fold ( unfold) clothes

Not a mama yet, but this made me smile. It just reminded me of something my mother (who was NOT a GD practitioner, but was pretty creative when she needed to be ) would do with my youngest sister. We don't really fold underwear in our house (they fit in the drawers as is), so she would give Kelly all the underwear to "fold." She'd even put them in a separate basket so she had the sheer toddler joy of emptying the basket. We have a nice picture of her in the midst of a small explosion of underpants. Since they just needed to be scooped up and put on top of the correct pile (as opposed to needing re-folding like the rest of the laundry), it didn't add a whole lot of work. It was also funny when she discovered mom's bras.

(Thanks for bringing back the funny memory)

[octobermom]

However, I respectfully completely disagree that a leash is ever necissary, it's a choice. (and I have a TON of experience with children, with my own, with my 6 younger siblings, as do all the parents I nannied and babysat for. My Mother, Grandmother and hell, everyone I know with kids has experience with children. Their kids aren't easier. They just *choose* not to put them a leash)

Umm most everything is a choice. For us the "leash" it was used was at that time the best choice.
FWIW and yes this is an extreme case. There is a little boy who attends my DD preschool he is austic. Hes absoultly fansinated with cars and trucks and will bolt abosoultly get away from him parents or teachers and bolt into the middle of heavy traffic to see these cars 'head on" hes been struck by a car and it still makes no diffrence her CANNOT see the danger. Its not a matter of running after him thats of course done but it is keeping him safe. So yes they do use a harness with a retractable leash with him and they may for a while still. Having seeing and knowing this kid I totally see and respect the parents choice.
We bought DD backpack harness when shes was around 18 months and we attended a very crowded 3 day confrence with DH. My DD was great at staying with me great at holding my hand. The crowd however was soo thick that she got pulled from me at several occassions. That scared the bejeebies outta her (and me) we happened to be at a place that had the backpack animal type harness and DD wanted the puppy (she didn't get what it was) I showed her and she thought it was the neatest thing For the rest of the time she loved that she could stay with mommy..
I've used it in an airport when I;ve traveled alone and have no hand free to hold hers because of tryng to handle carry ons and carseat through security and frankly its the "others" I'm worried about
I used it once at the zoo but really that was her choice (shes wanted to be an "display" :
I see and read may who choose not to use one and sure thats fine. I dont believe my parents ever used on with us and many many many do just fine without one and I'm sure I could find other ways even when I decided to use one. However they just are not this cruel horrible device they just aren't
Well anyways now that I'm completely off topic I'll let this get back to the OT.

[Fuamami]

Originally Posted by sea_joy

It doesn't make them better parents, or people, but it certainly points out that a leash is an option, not a necessity.

Of course it's not a necessity! Almost nothing with children truly is. However, I don't see why someone should be disparaged for choosing to use one. I think they're plenty gentle, I don't really see how they could be misused. Because they're about controlling your child? Of course they are! That's exactly why I have one. Because my ds does not have enough SELF-control to stop himself from running off through the parking lot while I get the baby in and out of the car seat.

Anyway, I know the argument's been done to death, but I've never seen one good reason aside from parents feeling weird about them. Which doesn't mean the kid isn't enjoying it.

[sea_joy]

Originally Posted by natensarah

Of course it's not a necessity! Almost nothing with children truly is. However, I don't see why someone should be disparaged for choosing to use one. I think they're plenty gentle, I don't really see how they could be misused.

but I've never seen one good reason aside from parents feeling weird about them. Which doesn't mean the kid isn't enjoying it.

I think I took plenty care in not being disparaging, but if you didn't get that, sorry. It's lovely that you don't understand how a leash could be misused, you must be nice to your kid. However, the kids who's parents jerk them around with their leashes (yes, I have seen it) and try to tear their harnesses off are not "enjoying" it. I've seen kids ask their mothers to be taken off their leash and be denied. I've seen kids cry because they want to go play, but their mom won't let them off of the leash because they "need to stay here" (and they weren't asking to go play in the street).

The leash, being an inatimate object, does not force the parent to act like this, however, I have seen too many people use a leash as an excuse not to pay attention to their child. So, I cannot believe that the leash is an inherently good thing, either.

There's an age when a child doesn't understand not to go play in the street, but kids pass that age. I've seen too many parents become attatched to the idea of being able to control their kids way past the age when they don't understand saftey. That would be misuse, in my opinion.

I took great care, although my opinion is quite strong, to be respectful of someone's right to do what they want with their kid. I'm sorry you don't understand that I could honestly have a fully valid, but different opinion from yours. You don't understand who not to put your kid on a leash, and I just don't understand why. It's not that either of us lack in experience, we just have a different point of view.

-Crystal

[Belleweather]

Another perspective: When I am in a store or a place where I have a cart or a stroller as an option to offer DS, I have always chosen not to use a leash. But when I don't and my choices are either holding DS in my arms against his will or 'leashing' him in some way (we don't own a proper leash, so this usually means tying the sling around his waist or holding the back of his jacket/hoodie/etc or whatever I can safely improvise at the time), I've chosen leashing him.

Holding DS down against his will, or forcing him to sit on my lap when he doesn't want to makes me *very* uncomfortable in the same way that making him accept kisses and hugs when he doesn't want to does. I think it goes against our efforts to teach him that he can decide when and how he wants to be touched, and I am actually really thankful that I have another option to offer him. Just because some parents misuse that option doesn't make it not valid for other parents.

On the other hand, it's still not a great solution for us in stores... DS likes to be up where the action is, and so if he's refusing the cart we'd likely not get very far in offering him a leash.

[turnipmama]

I think you had the exactly right response....you gave her options, you were patient, and when she simply wouldn't calmed down you walked out and took her home. That's exactly what my mom did with my brother and sister and I and it worked fine. It sucks that woman said that to you. I would stick to your gentle ways, be confident that your DD will get past this and try not to let other people bother you (though I know its hard). I truly think the more mom can stay calm the more the LO can, nonetheless, I really think you did just the right thing by leaving. Don't feel bad, feel empowered!

[nichole]

I'm undecided on the leash, but other than that, sometimes they only thing you can do is leave store. Sounds like you *had* to get a few things. It'll get better and this situation won't come up often b/c most errands can wait.

I squeezed a couple of errands in this morning and in hindsight today was not the best day to do them!