Oh, I am SO frustrated right now (well, not so much right now, but slightly earlier.
My dh has been out of work for 2 weeks. Which isn't a long time, except that we don't have much in the way of savings, and we have a lot of expenses. And he hasn't started looking for a new job yet.
Yesterday, I was at a high school all day doing observations (and can I tell you that I was SO much more tired at the end of the day than I am after my normal job....teaching is going to be exhausting!) and I got home before we needed to get ds from d/c. Well, dh doesn't have school on Friday. So, a perfect day to job hunt, right? No, he played with ds till about noon, got a pizza (urgh!!!) for lunch (which ended up being dinner and lunch for today, but that is SO not the point), and went home and played computer games. Computer games. O.M.G.
When I got home he tried to initiate a little something, but needless to say, I was SO not in the mood. Apparently, it doesn't dawn on him that responsibility is attractive to women. Or at least it is to me. I recognize that men use sex as a means of emotional connection and blahdy blah blah, but I can't suppress my feelings that he is sabotaging my life (because I am also on the mortgage, car notes, and I have cc's that might not get paid in order to pay something else, as well as the fact that ds is also MY son, so if we can't afford to get him winter clothes, that affects me) by sticking his head in the sand.
I left to get ds from d/c and I apologized to him, saying that I am sorry that I am not very loving, but I am really stressed out about him not having a job and I'm really worried about money. He said, "Yeah, me too." Ummmm, well, that's really great, but only YOU can get yourself a job.
So, he tried to go to the computer lab at school last night to look online for jobs (even though we have a computer here, with dial-up (his argument was that the computers in the lab are faster) and I have been emailing him possible part time jobs off Craigslist that only require him to send an email which doesn't really require high speed internet) but they were closed.
So, he went today (except that I am certain that he is actually trying to find a book for a report he has to do). Don't get me wrong, I think school is very important but if we can't eat, he isn't going to be able to afford the gas to go to school or for us to take ds to daycare, which means he'll have to stop going, seeing as I make money and can't really stop working.
I still don't know if he has actually applied for any jobs, but he applied for school loans. Which, I suppose, is better than nothing, but when you have as much debt as we do, all I think when there is a possibility of getting MORE debt is that I will literally be paying off this debt when I die, and when I do, my ds won't have anything because the house will have to be sold to pay it off. And that makes me pretty PO'd.
I don't know. Hopefully he's actually going to get off his lazy a$$ and get out there. I'm just so irritated because I *knew* that he would be fired from this job eventually (I just had woman's intuition about it....he had gotten in trouble before when they couldn't find a small wastebasket and other stupid things along those lines) and I had tried for months to get him to look for a different job, since it's easier to find a job when you don't reek of desperation.
Sometimes I ask myself which scenario is better: having a dp who is an a$$ and doesn't help with kids and household stuff but pays the bills to a degree where working would be optional for me (I have a friend in this situation) or having a dp who is really great with the kids and is a very nice person, but doesn't take on his responsibilities. Sometimes I wish he were an a$$, because combined with his ostrich tendencies, it would be easy for me to leave.