Do you Play on the Playground? - Page 6

[SiValleySteph]

Originally Posted by transformed

I started "babysitting" at this age, I dont see anything wrong with a 10 yr old watching. But the parents still need to have one eye on both!

Oh, I agree. Nothing wrong with a 10 yr old watching, IF they are watching. The level of supervision just didn't meet my comfort level, so it made me uneasy being at the park with this family. I don't think it's wrong or anything, it just made me feel like I had to watch their 3 year old as well as my own, so I would prefer to hang out at one of our yards so it would be more relaxed for me. (Park not fenced, on busy street, at least 100 people there - park opening celebration, play equipment for older kids, all things these mean to me that a 3 year old needs to be supervised.)

[geek_the_girl]

My dd is 5. I usually park my butt on a bench and watch her. If she needs me im right there. If she wants me to play I will. Do I care what other parents think? No.

[SiValleySteph]

I ran into this mom at the park that I thought was so neat. Her son was pretty little (maybe 2?) and he was trying to cross this lily pad type thing where they are hanging... hard to describe. : She described to him what he would need to do to get across while she was right there, but let him do it himself and he really got the hang of it! The other kids figured it out, too, by listening to her. Also, when the kids were really nice and let a small kid by or whatever, she would compliment them on their behavior. I think that really helps with polite behavior. They all felt really great about treating each other nicely.

Maybe it was helicopter-y, but I thought it was really cool. All these kids figuring out how to get across! Meanwhile, I was reading a book while my son played in the sand & water. But if he wants me to play, I do!

[Steady101]

Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't.

[celestialdreamer]

I voted other. I don't typically play at the park and I probably appear as one of those "helicopter moms" to some.

My little one is 17 months and still needs to be watched for safety reasons. I stand near the toy and encourage him to follow his sister. My 3 1/2 yo dd is appears like a normal kid, but she is on the autism spectrum. She has some severe sensory issues and sometimes has a hard time listening in busy places (trying to jump off the top of the big toy even though I told her not to, trying to climb things that she is way too little for, etc.) Typically I give dd the job of helping her little brother along, taking him down the slide and I stand nearby in case she decides to do a kamikaze stunt She really likes that and it keeps her focused and safe. We usually try to go to the park early in the day and usually go more during school time, as there are less people. I really don't care what other parents think of me, they really don't know our situation.

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by transformed

Why do mommys like to fight so much?

Am I the only one who sees this comment as belittling? (And is my reacting in this way an indication that I "like to fight so much?" and am taking part in the "mommy wars?")

Why is it that other groups of people can discuss and debate various issues, without anyone feeling a need to say they're "fighting?" Debate is a respected course in many highschools and colleges, and when someone's child is on the debate team, I've never heard it described as being on the "Teeny-wars Team," or as "My child 'likes to fight' so much she's doing great in debate."

Of course, I realize formal debaters follow a strict protocol, and things aren't as controlled or formal on a discussion board like this one. But to belittle women for disagreeing with other women, as if our sex and childbearing status precludes our right to express our opinions and openly disagree with others, seems anti-woman and anti-mother.

I'm not saying that's what transformed is intending to do. It's just that in my world, I don't see mothers as "liking to fight" any more than any other sort of person. And when people refer to women's disagreements as "mommy wars" (no, I'm not saying transformed has done this, but her comment seemed to be along those lines), it seems like an attempt to make women look stupid and petty.

I honestly think saying someone has "road rage" sounds like a compliment, compared to saying she's in the "mommy wars" or "she's a mommy who likes to fight with other mommies."

[UptownZoo]

Originally Posted by mammal_mama

Am I the only one who sees this comment as belittling? (And is my reacting in this way an indication that I "like to fight so much?" and am taking part in the "mommy wars?")

Why is it that other groups of people can discuss and debate various issues, without anyone feeling a need to say they're "fighting?" Debate is a respected course in many highschools and colleges, and when someone's child is on the debate team, I've never heard it described as being on the "Teeny-wars Team," or as "My child 'likes to fight' so much she's doing great in debate."

Of course, I realize formal debaters follow a strict protocol, and things aren't as controlled or formal on a discussion board like this one. But to belittle women for disagreeing with other women, as if our sex and childbearing status precludes our right to express our opinions and openly disagree with others, seems anti-woman and anti-mother.

I'm not saying that's what transformed is intending to do. It's just that in my world, I don't see mothers as "liking to fight" any more than any other sort of person. And when people refer to women's disagreements as "mommy wars" (no, I'm not saying transformed has done this, but her comment seemed to be along those lines), it seems like an attempt to make women look stupid and petty.

I honestly think saying someone has "road rage" sounds like a compliment, compared to saying she's in the "mommy wars" or "she's a mommy who likes to fight with other mommies."

OK, I see your point. However, I think it's the tone, and not the fact, of the argument that's the problem. Of course, I didn't make the post to which you refer, and maybe I'm off base. True debate about how any given child-rearing standard is or is not "right" or "good" would not involve sarcastic, harshly judgmental comments. Even heated debate never seeks to hit below the belt.

[Krystal323]

hmm, to me that is odd that there are parents all playing at the park! that would suck for me, i like to chitchat with other moms and dads who are there! i mean, definitely be as involved as is necessary (pushing littles on the swing etc) but otherwise i want my kids to go play with other kids w/o me hovering--I'm like "GO play!"

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by UptownZoo

However, I think it's the tone, and not the fact, of the argument that's the problem...True debate about how any given child-rearing standard is or is not "right" or "good" would not involve sarcastic, harshly judgmental comments. Even heated debate never seeks to hit below the belt.

True!

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by Krystal323

hmm, to me that is odd that there are parents all playing at the park! that would suck for me, i like to chitchat with other moms and dads who are there! i mean, definitely be as involved as is necessary (pushing littles on the swing etc) but otherwise i want my kids to go play with other kids w/o me hovering--I'm like "GO play!"

Well, as some parents have shared, some children need more assistance to stay safe, for a variety of reasons. And some parents may work, and not get as much daily interaction with their kids -- and in these cases both child and parent may use this as a parent-child bonding time, rather than a break for the parent and "peer-time" for the kid.

As a SAHM, I can understand the needs of a SAHM to sometimes just chill and let the kids run around and play with other kids. But it's important for us all to realize that parents and children in two-career families may have entirely different needs that they go to the park to fill.

And even with my own needs, when I have a toddler who still needs me to keep close for safety purposes, you can bet I'm going to keep close. If some of my other mom friends are there, it's nice if they'll come close enough to visit with me -- but I've noticed that some of my friends with toddlers have way different comfort-levels than I do, and prefer to stay seated at the edge of the playground.

Their children don't seem to get into any more accidents than mine -- so I don't think it's an issue of "I'm right and they're wrong." It's just an issue that we need to respect each other on; no two parents are going to view safety in the same way.

[madskye]

DD is two and a half and needs assistance and at least an eye on her while she plays so she doesn't get hurt.
We relax together, drink a juice box on the blanket, have a snack, look at the clouds. I might talk to other mommies, but the conversations usually get interupted because I have to keep an eye on DD and they are doing the same. Or, they come sit down with us and we all snack and chat together.

[*Erin*]

i voted "half the time"
depends on the day, both our moods, the kids that are at the park.
if i'm not actively playing from the start, then i "helicopter" around my 5 yr old, at a distance, but close enough to hear what's going on between her and any kids she's beginning to play with until I'm comfortable that they're getting along well, and then I retreat to a bench and watch/visit with other parents. but i'm watching and listening the whole time, and often step in and redirect. i don't trust other kids, especially at dd's age. not here. 5 is too little to be playing alone while i read a book.