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I'm horrified  

post #1 of 17
10/1/07 at 3:36pm
Thread Starter 
This morning i was walking out of our local mall with my dd in the sling. a man came up and started chatting with me. he asked if my dd was my one and only. he told me that he has four grown children and is now raising his two grandsons, ages 12 and 14. he told me that last night his elder grandson was caught by their neighbor spraying graffitti. he told his grandson to come home straight away after school because he was going to get a "licking". at first i thought the man was joking but then he told me that he has a belt and a paddle and that the kid was going to get the paddle tonight.: he said " i know it sounds harsh but the kid has got to learn". i was shocked and appalled and didn't know what to say to him. after he walked away i hugged my dd and told her that i would never ever do that to her.
post #2 of 17
10/1/07 at 3:39pm
WOW! Some strange man just walked up to you and offered you this info? : Holy crap.
post #3 of 17
10/1/07 at 4:30pm
His method is working just brilliantly so far, no?
post #4 of 17
10/1/07 at 4:30pm
Thread Starter 
he just walked up to me and started talking. i thought he must be joking but he seemed so serious. it was really really strange.
post #5 of 17
10/1/07 at 4:30pm
: Yikes! I'm sorry for you, for those kids and for him for feeling like that is the best way to deal with that situation.
post #6 of 17
10/1/07 at 4:39pm
Smacking a child that age is playing with fire. Even most pro-spankers agree that older children should never be physically punished. :
post #7 of 17
10/1/07 at 4:42pm
Geeeesh, I'm speechless and most definitely horrified.
post #8 of 17
10/2/07 at 8:24am
AS a teenager I had two different friends (both male) move out the same day from their home after their dads belted them. One still does not talk to his father...
post #9 of 17
10/2/07 at 8:45am
I'm wondering what has happened to this man in his life, what abuse has he suffered, for him to think that such behaviour is acceptable.

Of course, this is no excuse for his own behaviour now, but he sounds 'damaged' to me.

Peace
post #10 of 17
10/2/07 at 8:47am
I've heard Alfie Kohn say that often parents want to impress OTHER parents with what tough disciplinarians they are. I think this is definitely one of those cases.

Relatedly (?) I once had a man on a bus tell me about how he regularly beats his girlfriend. I was pretty shocked. He then went on to tell me that I should be very careful who I marry. I guess he should know.
post #11 of 17
10/2/07 at 9:20am
whoa - sounds like grandpa was smoking the ol' crack pipe to me. what a weirdo. what mall were you at so i never ever go there!
post #12 of 17
10/2/07 at 9:24am
Quote:
Originally Posted by elizawill View Post
whoa - sounds like grandpa was smoking the ol' crack pipe to me.
post #13 of 17
10/3/07 at 1:55pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by chfriend View Post
His method is working just brilliantly so far, no?
My thoughts exactly...
post #14 of 17
10/3/07 at 2:02pm
I really think the only thing strangers should every say to one another about their children is 'my your child is beautiful/smart/kind/creative' and that's about it.
post #15 of 17
10/3/07 at 2:14pm
In Starbucks the other day, a man was loudly talking on his cellphone about how his friend's arrest and overnight in jail was bogus because it was just "a domestic violence thing." He kept saying the same thing over and over again, like it's not actually criminal to beat your wife or children. : And how the guy's wife was such a for getting a restraining order so he couldn't see his kids or come get his stuff from the house.

I got out of there as quickly as I could. :
post #16 of 17
10/3/07 at 5:16pm
This man is opening up a can of worms. DH's father (used to beat my MIL and StepMIL, big pro-spanking) tried to "whoop" him once he hit about 16 or 17.. DH was about 6' and 250 lbs then. Smacked him around a bit, and DH 'grew a set' (his words, not mine) and hauled off on his father.

He said he'll never forget the look in his father's eyes at that one second after. The hurt, betrayal, sadness and vulnerability. He said he knew his father finally understood just WHAT he was doing to his kids.

FIL has never even raised his voice at his younger daughters since then, or his grandkids, or his wife. He has become a gentle, loving, patient man.


It's just awful though. DH still feels regretful for hitting his father, but at the time he was being injured pretty seriously and didn't know any other way out of the situation.
post #17 of 17
10/3/07 at 5:24pm
I can't believe he told that information to a complete stranger. Poor kid.
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