How do you handle hitting?

[minkajane]

Usually DS will stop if I grab his hand and say firmly "no hitting." But yesterday he had a complete and total meltdown at naptime and lashed out at me. He tried to hit me and I grabbed his hands and said "no hitting, hitting hurts." I let go and he slapped at me again. It got to the point where BF and I had to hold him down to keep him from physically attacking me. He flipped out completely at us holding him down, until I told him we'd let him go if he stopped hitting. He said ok and we let him up. He didn't hit me again and even crawled into my lap for a cuddle. I explained to him that we had to hold him because he was kicking and hitting, which hurts people. He seemed to understand.

I have no idea how I could have handled this better. I hate having to physically restrain him, but he was trying to attack me. I didn't feel like it was right to shut him in his room or something to keep him from hitting me, so I didn't want to leave.

What else could I have done in this situation? What can I do if it happens again?

[dovey]

It sounds like a challenging situation!

I don't know about holding him down. I know that type of restraint would freak me out more if I was already upset. Also, telling him that you won't let him up until he promises to do something might be a bad example in the long run. I agree that it's important to make it clear that you won't put up with being attacked. Rather than putting him in a room, what if you just get up and walk away into another room, telling him that you do not want to be hit?

What do you think the root of the problem was? Was he protesting having to go to sleep for a nap? How could you make that part less stressful for him? Does he still need a nap? Could he handle resting with a grownup reading to him for awhile instead?

[77sugaree]

When I worked in a pre-school class full of aggressive toddlers we would tell them to use their soft hands on their friends and teachers and would take their hand and show them how to pat softly. If they were hitting out of anger we would tell them if they are mad to use their words and say "I'm mad" but it is not OK to hit. It worked really well. The soft hands thing has been great for my ds who hits when he gets excited. I know it can be frustrating to get hit but hang in there, it will eventually stop.