question re. leaving babe overnight

[little-g]

After reading another thread I have a question Im really interested in asking.. re. leaving babe overnight.

I left DD overnight for the first time when she was nearly 6 months old. At that stage she wasn't breastfed - long painful story guys and that's for a whole different thread.. .. lol.... so feeding wasn't an issue.

Anyway, I remember being genuinely shocked at negative comments I got from people, as DD was staying at home with her dad! I remember DH also being a bit peeved that a few people must have thought he wasn't capable of looking after his daughter overnight.

DD was/is extremely bonded to her daddy so it just felt really natural to us, but now I'm just curious I guess as to how other people view a mum leaving a babe overnight if it's with the dad - or other mum in the case of same sex couples - as opposed to another relative or close friend etc.

Any views?

[hipmummy]

DS is 13 months and I have still yet to leave with anyone. The longest we were apart was at hospital when he was in the NICU sleeping. It is all a matter of comfort. If you and your babe are happy then go for it. If you are bf then it may be a very different story.

[BelgianSheepDog]

In a lot of ways I don't even think of leaving my 15 mo with her dad as "leaving" her anymore. It was hard at first, and I never like being away for long, but I don't feel like it's as big of a deal as leaving her with a sitter or something.

[TypingMarie]

Originally Posted by little-g

Anyway, I remember being genuinely shocked at negative comments I got from people, as DD was staying at home with her dad! I remember DH also being a bit peeved that a few people must have thought he wasn't capable of looking after his daughter overnight.

I don't blame him. I'm amazed at how people seem to think dads are incompetent. It's totally sexist. My husband always gets people saying "Oh, are you babysitting?" when he's out alone with our son. :

Back to the question at hand: If nursing wasn't an issue, I wouldn't have any problem with leaving my son with my husband overnight. Our son won't take a bottle though, so it's impossible for now.

[Mothra]

I refuse to respond to the question, "Is dad babysitting?" Unless it's to say something smart, like, "No, my dad isn't babysitting them. They are at home with their father." It drives me mad. No one has ever asked my husband where the kids were while he was out of town or out with friends or at the freakin' grocery store. That's what gets me--that question in the grocery store!

Anyway, my comfort level regarding leaving the kids with my husband has varied greatly with their development.

People will judge everything you do as a parent. One day the shock wears off.

[little-g]

Originally Posted by Mothra

I refuse to respond to the question, "Is dad babysitting?" Unless it's to say something smart, like, "No, my dad isn't babysitting them. They are at home with their father."

Originally Posted by VernaBloom

I don't blame him. I'm amazed at how people seem to think dads are incompetent. It's totally sexist. My husband always gets people saying "Oh, are you babysitting?" when he's out alone with our son. :

I KNOW!!!!Its insane. And I agree - totally sexist. When I tell people she is with DH, they often say things like "oh my DH could never manage alone" etc etc. And Im thinking- your DH is a civil engineer - he can work out how to design a bridge that will withold thousands of cars per day but he can't figure out how to change a nappy?!

Originally Posted by Mothra

People will judge everything you do as a parent. One day the shock wears off.

Will it?

[Mothra]

Yeah, maybe not. It certainly doesn't get me as riled up as it used to, that's for sure. I tend to just ignore stupid people. I'm hearing impaired. It's easy to just pretend like I didn't even hear them.

[muttix2]

Maybe they are coming from a standpoint where their dp works a lot so isn't as close to the baby, knowing what it wants and when it wants it. In that case, I can understand their : at the thought of leaving a six month old alone with someone who is not normally the caregiver and can't understand it's needs as well as you. However, if your dh has been active in the care of your child, that is a whole different ballgame People tend to respond from their own personal experiences.

[Mothra]

People should learn that their experience doesn't mean squat when you're talking about someone else's family.

There's too much judgement passed around. Not enough support and love.

[***Heather***]

Originally Posted by little-g

I KNOW!!!!Its insane. And I agree - totally sexist. When I tell people she is with DH, they often say things like "oh my DH could never manage alone" etc etc. And Im thinking- your DH is a civil engineer - he can work out how to design a bridge that will withold thousands of cars per day but he can't figure out how to change a nappy?!

: : :

[marybethorama]

Since nursing wasn't an issue at the time I think it was perfectly fine.

[Ruthla]

I see nothing wrong with it- DC was home with a loving parent.

I personally never left a baby overnight at that age because all 3 were still nursing frequently, and by the time they weaned I was single.

And some fathers really AREN'T reliable or trustworthy with infants or toddlers. It's not a comment on all fathers, but a reality for some families. I tried to leave my girls with their father overnight when they were 1.5 and 3 and he just wasn't ready to care for them alone. It says nothing about "fathers in general" it's just about him personally and his parenting skills and emotional issues at the time.

[Steady101]

Originally Posted by Mothra

People should learn that their experience doesn't mean squat when you're talking about someone else's family.

There's too much judgement passed around. Not enough support and love.

I agree.

[~Megan~]

Since I do breastfeed into toddlerhood and its an important part of their night time ritual I don't think I could leave a baby overnight without me.

Its not that I don't trust dh to handle things its that my babies need me.

If I weren't breastfeeding it would depend on temperment and the needs of the child. You know your child best.

[Moon Faerie]

Originally Posted by little-g

I KNOW!!!!Its insane. And I agree - totally sexist. When I tell people she is with DH, they often say things like "oh my DH could never manage alone" etc etc. And Im thinking- your DH is a civil engineer - he can work out how to design a bridge that will withold thousands of cars per day but he can't figure out how to change a nappy?!

In May, I went on an overnight trip with my mom and a friend. My bil called and asked my dh if he wanted to go see Spiderman. Dh told he he couldn't because I was going to be gone for just over 24 hours. My bil said," What? How's that going to work?" : My dd was 2.5 and ds was 3.5, so it's not like we're talking infants either.

[JamesMama]

Honestly, with my husband, I do not feel I can trust him to care for our son overnight...he will be caring for James when I'm in the hospital after having this baby and I'm honestly considering asking MIL to sleep over to help him. Reason being? DH could fall asleep standing up. I do not trust him to not go to bed and fall asleep before James and with that James could wander off and potentally get hurt. Or if James woke up in the middle of the night and needed something, I do not trust DH to be able to 1) Hear that James is awake and 2) Wake up enough to meet James' needs.

This is not a comment on ALL fathers and ALL husbands, it's just MY husband that I honestly do not trust. I could be wrong, perhaps if I were out of the picture DH would be fine and instinct or something would kick in, but I highly doubt it. DH has never done one bit of nighttime parenting in James' entire life. Nor has he EVER woken up when James woke up except for once or twice when I woke him up because James was sick. And even then I had to have a certian amout of panic in my voice and shake him and kick him and scream at him for a good while before it clicked and he woke up. (yet when the tones on his fire/rescue radio goes off he's up and out of bed in no time flat...)

Anyway, I nursed well into toddlerhood and James never took a bottle so overnights were out of the question until James weaned. He just recently stayed the night with MIL for the first time and really enjoyed it actually so it's been a more common occurance. About once a month or so.

[BensMamacita]

Considering that my dh has been a sahd 10 hours a day, 5 days a week since ds was 4 mos. old, I would not have had a problem leaving them together overnight.

[superstella]

I had to leave this ds when he was only 4 months old overnight, as I was hospitalized and unable to care for him. Dh did survive, in spite of my fear, and thankfully ds took a bottle without problem.

I haven't left him by choice yet, but if I do I know dh can handle it. He didn't have much of a choice, though, he had to! I too was amazed in the hospital when he'd bring the kids in to see me, they'd ask dh, "Are you taking care of them all by yourself?" And of course he'd answer, "Yes, what are my options?"

[alegna]

We have not left dd overnight. Dh and I have been with her every night of her life. *Either* of us being gone would still be difficult for her.

I would not consider leaving a child under 2 overnight short of an emergency. It just doesn't seem developmentally appropriate to me.

But I hear ya on the dad=babysitter. My dh is an equal parent. However, I didn't leave dd for more than a few minutes until 18 months because she was a frequent nurser and dh chose not to nurse

-Angela

[Sarahbunny]

I went on a girls weekend when DD was 10 months old and had a great time. Although I did miss her like crazy.

I didn't think anything about it, except the missing her part. DH goes out of town on business quite a bit...I don't find it strange that he leaves dd with me, so why would it be any different?