I have to vent somewhere, Im going to explode. 
My mother in law called me last night. I usually call her to chat. We have a great relationship. We rarely see each other, which works out well, but she is very supportive, DH is not any kind of mama's boy, etc. So I was really surprised when out of nowhere, once I told her how the nanny situation was going, she decides to give me her unsolicited opinion. We have hired someone to help me deal with the kids while I homeschool and to let me ahve some one on one time with them, plus rest, for a few weeks after the baby.
I need to bear in mind that my MIL has never homeschooled, and she has only ever lived in really small towns where nobody ever had a nanny at all. So her opinion was that what I need is someone to come over while Im homeschooling to make sure the kids dont kill each other while Im focused on one.. but why do I need any more help than that? Im not sure where she thinks Im going to find this available person, or what she would be called other than a nanny. A 4 mornings a week babysitter?
Is my MIL here to see what life is like in my house? No. Has she ever visited our house in the 10 yrs we've been married? No. Does she know how to sleep in the afternoon without children tearing up the house and escaping into the street? Has she ever homeschooled? Can she keep up with 4 kids, the housework, the homeschooling, and the laundry, in the first 8 weeks post partum? No, I didnt think so.
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So Im thinking, why tell me this when Im trying to have a baby? Is now the right time? No. Its really not. So I pretty much just told ehr that we could talk about this another time, but it wasnt worth the spike in my blood pressure to discuss this right now.
Then today, several women from my small group at church came over to clean and get the house ready for baby. Never mind that I have a cleaning lady, and that every night before I go to bed in the last few weeks, I make sure the living room, kitchen, and bathroom are company ready because with homebirth, there are going to be people in my house. So "Shelia" comes over. "Sheila" came over alone a few weeks ago to help me get one of the bedrooms together, because we swapped out where Lily and Felicity were sleeping and Id only pulled Grace and Felicity's room together at the time. "Shelia" essentially lectured me on how the girls have too much stuff and too many clothes and that I need better organization in the rooms and in the kitchen too. She called that night to apologize if she had come off the wrong way and said she was only trying to help. Well, today, she came over with a few more women, they are all in my small group bible study. All I see that they did was the walls and doorjams and doors free of marker and crayon and scuffs, and that the bathroom floor grout had been scrubbed. For being here for 3 hours, Im mystified as to what actually got done. My cleaning lady was over just yesterday, so I was fairly confident that the house looked nice. Well, the other women left, and "Sheila" was still finishing up. She again blasted my cleaning lady and thinks Im totally being taken advantage of, and told me that I didnt need a cleaning lady anyway because I should be able to keep up with this stuff by just spraying stuff off like the backsplash and the counters and the table each night before bed, and do the bathrooms one day a week, the bedrooms another day, etc. My standards must just be incredibly low or something. No idea. What cracks me up is that at one time, "Sheila" had twin 2 yr olds and a newborn. They are 11 and 8 1/2 now. Somehow I doubt that in that season of her life, she was keeping up with her house, or that people were cleaning for her and then lecturing her about her housekeeping. Why she thinks I deserve that now, or thinks its helpful, I have no idea.
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It's so hard to not just go off on these people. To come over and clean to serve someone who is in her last week of pregnancy and keep your d@mn opinions to yourself, is that too much to ask? Can you imagine asking if you can come clean someones house for them, and then lecturing them while youre there to help? The audacity. Really. I cant imagine saying anything other than "Is there anything else I can do for you? " Certainly not telling them what I think of their housekeeping when they are ready to give birth.
How about in a few months, she asks me if I am open to some pointers on keeping up with stuff, since she knows its hard to do with small kids running around all the time? There are more appropriate times and places to say this stuff. But right now? Not appropriate. "Sheila" isnt allowed back in my house to clean. She may not get to come further in than the front door if she makes a meal for us after Jackson comes. Im really irritated with her. "Jean" and "Carol" were here too... and they would not have ever had the nerve to approach me right now, maybe not ever, to give unsolicited opinions. Mostly because I think they have more grace than that due to the size of their own families and husbands who work long hours, and that I think tehy just plain know better. I know women at my church who would also never think to do what "Sheila" has done. Now I know. This is the second time I wish she just hadnt come over at all, so she cant from now on. And of course, DH wants me to confront her about this after baby when I have a chance, and Id much rather just avoid it.
Anyway, thanks for listening to the vent. Im not in tears, my blood pressure isnt up, I am just glad I know better than to listen to her, and internalize stuff, and to think somethings wrong with me that I cant keep up with my house while carrying around a 10 pound baby in my womb. She can kiss my butt.
My mother in law called me last night. I usually call her to chat. We have a great relationship. We rarely see each other, which works out well, but she is very supportive, DH is not any kind of mama's boy, etc. So I was really surprised when out of nowhere, once I told her how the nanny situation was going, she decides to give me her unsolicited opinion. We have hired someone to help me deal with the kids while I homeschool and to let me ahve some one on one time with them, plus rest, for a few weeks after the baby.
I need to bear in mind that my MIL has never homeschooled, and she has only ever lived in really small towns where nobody ever had a nanny at all. So her opinion was that what I need is someone to come over while Im homeschooling to make sure the kids dont kill each other while Im focused on one.. but why do I need any more help than that? Im not sure where she thinks Im going to find this available person, or what she would be called other than a nanny. A 4 mornings a week babysitter?
Is my MIL here to see what life is like in my house? No. Has she ever visited our house in the 10 yrs we've been married? No. Does she know how to sleep in the afternoon without children tearing up the house and escaping into the street? Has she ever homeschooled? Can she keep up with 4 kids, the housework, the homeschooling, and the laundry, in the first 8 weeks post partum? No, I didnt think so.
:So Im thinking, why tell me this when Im trying to have a baby? Is now the right time? No. Its really not. So I pretty much just told ehr that we could talk about this another time, but it wasnt worth the spike in my blood pressure to discuss this right now.
Then today, several women from my small group at church came over to clean and get the house ready for baby. Never mind that I have a cleaning lady, and that every night before I go to bed in the last few weeks, I make sure the living room, kitchen, and bathroom are company ready because with homebirth, there are going to be people in my house. So "Shelia" comes over. "Sheila" came over alone a few weeks ago to help me get one of the bedrooms together, because we swapped out where Lily and Felicity were sleeping and Id only pulled Grace and Felicity's room together at the time. "Shelia" essentially lectured me on how the girls have too much stuff and too many clothes and that I need better organization in the rooms and in the kitchen too. She called that night to apologize if she had come off the wrong way and said she was only trying to help. Well, today, she came over with a few more women, they are all in my small group bible study. All I see that they did was the walls and doorjams and doors free of marker and crayon and scuffs, and that the bathroom floor grout had been scrubbed. For being here for 3 hours, Im mystified as to what actually got done. My cleaning lady was over just yesterday, so I was fairly confident that the house looked nice. Well, the other women left, and "Sheila" was still finishing up. She again blasted my cleaning lady and thinks Im totally being taken advantage of, and told me that I didnt need a cleaning lady anyway because I should be able to keep up with this stuff by just spraying stuff off like the backsplash and the counters and the table each night before bed, and do the bathrooms one day a week, the bedrooms another day, etc. My standards must just be incredibly low or something. No idea. What cracks me up is that at one time, "Sheila" had twin 2 yr olds and a newborn. They are 11 and 8 1/2 now. Somehow I doubt that in that season of her life, she was keeping up with her house, or that people were cleaning for her and then lecturing her about her housekeeping. Why she thinks I deserve that now, or thinks its helpful, I have no idea.
:It's so hard to not just go off on these people. To come over and clean to serve someone who is in her last week of pregnancy and keep your d@mn opinions to yourself, is that too much to ask? Can you imagine asking if you can come clean someones house for them, and then lecturing them while youre there to help? The audacity. Really. I cant imagine saying anything other than "Is there anything else I can do for you? " Certainly not telling them what I think of their housekeeping when they are ready to give birth.
How about in a few months, she asks me if I am open to some pointers on keeping up with stuff, since she knows its hard to do with small kids running around all the time? There are more appropriate times and places to say this stuff. But right now? Not appropriate. "Sheila" isnt allowed back in my house to clean. She may not get to come further in than the front door if she makes a meal for us after Jackson comes. Im really irritated with her. "Jean" and "Carol" were here too... and they would not have ever had the nerve to approach me right now, maybe not ever, to give unsolicited opinions. Mostly because I think they have more grace than that due to the size of their own families and husbands who work long hours, and that I think tehy just plain know better. I know women at my church who would also never think to do what "Sheila" has done. Now I know. This is the second time I wish she just hadnt come over at all, so she cant from now on. And of course, DH wants me to confront her about this after baby when I have a chance, and Id much rather just avoid it.
Anyway, thanks for listening to the vent. Im not in tears, my blood pressure isnt up, I am just glad I know better than to listen to her, and internalize stuff, and to think somethings wrong with me that I cant keep up with my house while carrying around a 10 pound baby in my womb. She can kiss my butt.
I would much rather women offer childcare so I can get things done myself, than try to help me clean. It's different when it's dh helping me, and I can order him around. 
: She was apologetic but by that point I already felt like shit and was PISSED. I was quite mean about the whole thing but I'm not good at....censoring my feelings I guess. Sorry to turn your thread into a thread about me but I know where you are coming from! 
