Older kids and how to integrate baby

[dynamicdoula]

My older kids (10 and 6) are hovering little birds around the baby. It's sweet. It's cute. It's ANNOYING. They touch her constantly whether I'm nursing or she's sleeping, they stick their faces in her face, and I constantly feel crowded and overwhelmed.

How do you integrate the baby into the siblings without going crazy? How do you teach them about touch (they are constantly trying to kiss her mouth and touch her face which makes her root, etc.)?

I am trying to make sure they get a few minutes every day to hold her but she's premature and 4#7oz and so we worry about her, of course. I'm getting more comfy just setting them up to hold her and backing off. I know time will help but I'm also short of patience and I don't want them to be afraid to touch her because I'm snapping.

Help.

[Banana731]

Your kids are old enough to understand when you say things plainly. Tell them you don't touch people or babies who are sleeping because you don't want to wake them. You could explain that babies need more sleep than most people, but even my 3 yr old knows she's not supposed to go bother someone who is asleep, kwim?

You could also explain to them that babies are easily overstimulated, so constant "in your face closeness" is not good. Show them how the baby will fuss or turn his head when there is too much going on, so they understand when to ease up. You could also explain that the baby sees them best and most clearly from about 14 in away, so if they want the baby to start recognizing their faces sooner it's better to do that. You could also show them how the rooting reflex works, and explain that in a way they are teasing the baby if they make him think it's time to eat by touching his mouth. I'm sure you kids can empathize with teasing being not fun. Make sure you give them alternatives to face touching(hands, arms, head, whatever you prefer)

My sister had a rule for her 5 yr old(we all lived together) when I had dd. She had to wash her hands everytime she wanted to touch the baby. That got old for her really quickly, so she didn't ask to touch the baby as much. As far as kissing and touching his mouth and face go, I wouldn't be down with it. I don't kiss tiny babies on the mouth, or touch their mouths or noses unless I've washed my hands. Kids(and grown-ups) are germy, and babies have little tiny immune systems. I think you can just put your foot down on that one, especially if you model not doing it

Keep the baby hidden in the sling, and distract your kids with games and stories.

I think honestly though you probably have to deal with it and try to remember that newborns are actually really boring and your kids will get over the newness very soon, if left to their own devices. *hugs*

[hammycakes]

Great ideas all- pretty much what I am doing at my house.
I am having the same issues here with my girls ( ages 11 and 7) they want to hold, touch, and argue over who got to hold her last.
I am also having that feeling of " I just need a LITTLE SPACE HERE!!" and have actually started saying that. I think they can tell from my voice when it is time to back off a bit.
I was just reading a study that adolescent kids have a lot of trouble identifying adult emotions from facial expressions, so I try to say things like "I'm feeling tired now" or "I don't feel well" so that way they know that I'm not upset with them- and I try to reiterate that this is temporary and mommy *will* have energy again one day.
Good luck!