my 3 yo dd.

[the elyse]

venting.

i just had a complete breakdown. my dd has been crying lately. for no reason, and for any reason. she's been an ANGEL for the first two years, and lately...: i'm sure most of you with toddlers are half smiling and shaking your heads in understanding, but really. what am i supposed to do with her??? she has a meltdown when i softly and gently tell her no, we can't go to grandma's tonight, it's 9:00. she has a meltdown when i tell her sternly. she has a meltdown when i ask her to pick play-do up off the carpet.

so after about 5 or 6 meltdowns today, i had to walk out on the patio to breathe. i wanted to throw the clay owl sitting on the patio table just to hear it break. i didn't.

i don't want to be my daughter's best friend, but i do want her happy, and i want peace in my house. i believe that that means she needs borders and boundaries, but the peace seems to come when none of those exsist.

i don't know if i'm looking for advice, but if you have it, awesome. sorry this is a little random.

: :

little bean is kicking me all over. what am i going to do with 2????

[ScarletBegonias]

no advice mama, just hugs. my dd is 20 mo and although she can communicate well, the meltdowns just started it's so frustrating. i don't know what i'll do with 2 either!

[applecore]

You're probably expecting to hear this.... It's normal! I have often wondered why people talk about terrible twos. For many people I know, 3 is when things start getting really hairy!

I think that if you stick with the limits, and just try to ignore the meltdown, then it will probably even out eventually. I have a good friend who can't stand the meltdowns that her very persistent children pull out whenever she tells them no, so she gives in a lot. It isn't pretty! They just don't EVER listen to her anymore because they know if they freak out, she'll give in.

Just be patient with this phase- it will pass!

[LawrenceDoula]

My daughter is close to 3 but just started having frequent meltdowns. I'm trying to reevaluate our lives and figure out what could be stressing her out or making her feel like she's not getting the right kind of attention. It's pretty obvious to me, because I'm babysitting a few other kids that require ALOT of attention and she's getting left out.

Are there any new stressful things in your life right now?

[nausicaamom]

Mine is doing the exact same things and I'm having all the same feelings (even down to the very squirmy bean). Frankly, if it's an option, there is nothing wrong with ducking out for a minute or two so you can regain your cool and she can get her emotions out. That and the mantra "this is a phase" is the only thing getting me through most days. Lastly - any chance of getting some down time for yourself? I don't do it nearly often enough, but I am so rejuvinated afterwards and my patience is much better.

I'm finding that I'm entering a very introspective point of my pregnancy, one that requires a lot of down/alone time so I can concentrate on the babe - staying home with a three year-old is, unfortunately, the exact oposite of what I'm craving. I'm pretty sure in my case he's picking up on some of those vibes and it's feeding into his tantrum/meltdown cycle. I'm going out tonight by myself for a few hours after dinner so I'm hoping I can get some of my needs met and be a better mom.

Good luck and

[Angierae]

Mine is 3.5 and has had such a hard year so far with her emotions. We spend a lot of time talking about her emotions, giving names to them, reading books about them. Have you read "How are you Peeling?"--its DDS favorite. Her current list of favorite emotions is: frustrated, silly, angry, happy, sad, and giggly. We do a lot of, "I can see you feel ______ ." And always fill in with one of the emotions on her list.

DH came up with idea of telling her she has an "emotion box." His dialogue goes something like "I can see you feel frustrated. Frustrated is an emotion. All emotions are good. When your screaming too much frustrated is leaving your emotion box. Put it back in the box so I can understand your words. I can't help you until I understand your words." DONT ASK ME WHY, but it works every time. She stops screaming, explains why she was mad, and we find a solution. It works better when he does it. With me I sometimes feel like she keeps the waterworks going longer.

Whatever you do, remember it'll pass!

[LoveChild421]

I know what you mean, Grey is 2.5. The only advice I can give is just pick your battles and then just let them vent when you have to be stern about something ("no Grey you can't run in the middle of the road"). I notice that if I keep trying to ask him "Grey what's wrong? Why don't we just go do ____ instead" and responding to him while he's having a tantrum that it just gets worse. Instead I'll let him get it out for a second (I step away and don't focus on him screaming (that helps me to stay calm) and then calmly say "ok Grey when you're done come play Thomas trains with me" and then walk into the other room towards the toy/game. He usually stops freaking out and comes into the room I'm in. I try to remember that they get pissed off just like we do and they just don't know curse words yet

I hope today is better for you!

[ScarletBegonias]

Originally Posted by LoveChild421

I know what you mean, Grey is 2.5. The only advice I can give is just pick your battles and then just let them vent when you have to be stern about something ("no Grey you can't run in the middle of the road"). I notice that if I keep trying to ask him "Grey what's wrong? Why don't we just go do ____ instead" and responding to him while he's having a tantrum that it just gets worse. Instead I'll let him get it out for a second (I step away and don't focus on him screaming (that helps me to stay calm) and then calmly say "ok Grey when you're done come play Thomas trains with me" and then walk into the other room towards the toy/game. He usually stops freaking out and comes into the room I'm in. I try to remember that they get pissed off just like we do and they just don't know curse words yet

I hope today is better for you!

so true! i slip and say d*mnit every so often and dd latches right onto it and says "daa-it!"

walking away and ignoring the tantrum seems to be the best solution. sometimes she'll follow me screaming and i'll turn around and say "are you feeling angry/sad/frustrated? mama can't understand you when you're crying. please use your words and signs and tell mama what you need." this works about 1/2 the time. the other times, the meltdown has gone too far and she can't process anything.

i remind myself that she *is* still a baby. and then i think is she hungry? did she have a nap yet? does she need my undivided attention? if it's the last one, i usually tell her we're taking a bath now, or to get a book and come lay down with mama. these two tactics work 99% of the time. we both love baths and reading, so it's a nice transition for us both.

[the elyse]

thanks for all the advice ladies! when it was nap time today, she had a huge meltdown. i was napping with her, so the only thing i did was make sure she stayed on her pillow and i didn't acknowledge anything about the crying/screaming/feet kicking. i just rolled over and pretended to fall asleep. she fell asleep in about 10 minutes.

not the most peaceful way to start a nap, but i didn't wake up feeling guilty for yelling or making her cry more. oh, and, she's still sleeping 3 hours later.

[PlayaMama]

boy! we've been having the same issues. i remember saying, "terrible twos, jeez those must be bad parents, my ds is an angel at two." and now that he's three we've got all the screaming "no" at me and tantruming and jeez is it difficult. it's like all my tricks don't work anymore.

i like the feeling box idea because he like to communicate but we were kind of stumped as to explain why yelling isn't the way to communicate.

he was doing this with me and then i started working full time and my dh is taking care of him and he's such a SOFTIE!! and now it's worse. i come home and ds has food in the living room (broken rule) he's making messes and not picking up after himself, yelling, hitting the dog and just tuning out. plus, i'm not feeling as connected because of work. bleh.

glad to hear i'm not the only one.

[LoveChild421]

i'm glad today went much better!

[HairyArmpits]

I have 2 3.5 y/o dds, and can really relate to your situation. I think they are just getting to an age now where they crave some more control over their environment, kwim?
Sometimes what I find helps is to let them have more control over some trivial aspect of their day, like whatever they want to wear or something silly like that. (even if their decision makes me cringe!)
I know that's not going to get you through the heat of a tantrum any easier, but it has helped us in the longer run.