Its stinky TMI - Page 6

[Grace24]

Originally Posted by bluesymama

Seriously though- Can I talk about my gaseous booty? SHEESH- MY MUSICAL BUTT! How can that much wind be CONTAINED inside one chick? I fart ALL DAY LONG- and no matter how hard I try, I can't keep them quiet! They are so enourmously loud, people give me that, "Did that come out of YOU?" Look- like 10 times a day! The wierd part is- the are completely odorless! (Really! they don't smell at ALL!) but try telling that to the prudish old lady next to me in the grocery store- who looked at me in horror and nearly RAN out the door when I accidently let one rip next to her! (I've never seen someone with a walker move so fast!) I felt so bad- I wanted to call after her that they don't smell, but she was long gone. Oh Well. : She wouldn't have believed me anyway.

OMG I'm not in your DDC but this is making me laugh so hard... I was wondering something: Is the relaxin hormone which is currently running around in my system causing all kinds of trouble ALSO causing my sphincter muscles to be less effective?
Because the thing is, I'm not farting as often, but I no longer have the ability to contain it! This is the REAL reason I'm on early maternity leave!

Thanks for this thread ladies, I feel so lucky to have found it!

[Grace24]

Originally Posted by expectantmami

This is priceless!!! It also reminds me of how when I was in college and dating my ex-boyfriend. We had just DTD-and used the Sponge for birth control (remember Elaine from Seinfeld???). He proved his Spongworthiness because it got stuck-we then spent the next 30 minutes trying to get this thing out! It was quite a site-I was lying on my back-and he was there with his hand up my vajajay-I was freaking out afraid that we would not be able to get it out! BTW-I probably fall into the skanky ho category too!

OMG that happened to me too! I had a very sweet BF at the time who "fished" it out (no pun intended) for me, and never used the dang thing again... it's the same reason I don't use diaphragms, Keeper cups, or anything else that could ever get stuck! Ack, the embarrassment!

[Marlet]

:roflmao:

I have spent the day reading this thread and calling my sister up laughing so hard that if she didn't have caller id she'd likely think I was some dirty prank caller.

[HoneymoonBaby]

Originally Posted by MmeMuffin

Yes ma'am. Does that make me seem like a skanky ho? We were already doing the deed by then, so perhaps I AM a skanky ho.

I did not mean to imply that you are a skanky ho! : I just meant .... you know .. the EMBARRASMENT factor! The first week, you're still trying to impress them and all .... and then he has to fish your keeper out of your vagina.

[crsta33]

Here I think we've covered absolutely everything imaginable on this thread and I find myself up in the middle of the night with trapped gas. Ow! Anyone else? I was on hands and knees at 3 a.m. praying to poot so I'd quit hurting!

Christa

[miss_nikki]

My stink has cut down a bit thankfully! I don't have stinky pee, but sometimes when I'm peeing I smell that newborn smell. It's really weird. Does anyone else get that? I'm wondering if it's in my head and caused by my anticipation for the baby to come. I've been thinking a LOT about giving birth lately, although I still have a hard time imagining anything beyong giving birth. I'm pretty sure nothing aside from my extra juices and discharge is coming from the baby shoot, but I don't know why I'd be smelling newborn smell. Today I didn't smell it, it's a random thing, but sniffed the paper to see what my pee did smell like. It really didn't have much of a smell. The strange thing is, my lack of stink made me feel a little worried. If it weren't for my stinky armpits I'd start wondering what was wrong with me. With my girls I was much more gassy and my vag stink didn't go away til I had them. I'm not any gassier now than prepregnancy and it STANK! My dh would make jokes about it, and even when he didn't smell them he'd know I'd farted because I still think farts are funny and the stinkier mine are the harder I laugh. I can't seem to help myself.

[SheBear]

Yikes, Crista! That sounds really painful!! I had a really painful bout with constipation in the middle of the night last night. I was about ready to call dh in for moral support....I would have, too, if I hadn't feared waking ds2!

I'm still not back to normal. Thus far, the constipation has only been mild and very intermittant....I hope that's not going to change! My mw gave me some homeopathic stuff for constipation last appt, so I've been using that today, but haven't noticed much difference yet.

[mama_b]

Originally Posted by crsta33

Here I think we've covered absolutely everything imaginable on this thread and I find myself up in the middle of the night with trapped gas. Ow! Anyone else? I was on hands and knees at 3 a.m. praying to poot so I'd quit hurting!

Christa

Yes! I wake up some nights SO full of gas and in SO much pain that I actually worry that something is going to rupture. Why is it that the farts fly when you don't want them to and then when you need them to come out they won't?

[Diva Mama]

The stinky gas thing is a slow in digestion plus food combining. I find when I eat easier to digest foods in proper order through the day and don't combine foods that shouldnt be together, I don't have gas.

ie: Don't eat something heavy/starchy then 2 hours later eat fruit. The fruit will sit there and ferment and when it comes out- omg at least you'll be a little tipsy when it does!


Hmmm I haven't added anything stinky. Wiping has become its own toilet yoga adventure. Oh, and baby kicks at my intestines as i digest. If I eat something heavy, I can tell where it's traveling. And when baby kicks it along the route....

Has baby kicked you while you're peeing? That's fun to clean up.

[Diva Mama]

Can't believe I almsot forgot to post this chestnut of hillarity and grossitude:

I was incredibly constipated yesterday so this morning I drank 2 cups of tea quickly and followed that with 25oz of water. 15 minutes later? Liquid poop. For miles. I'm lucky I made it to the bathroom. I was so cleaned out, I swear I saw the remains of a purple crayon I ate in kindergarten.

[YummyYumYumMama]

: Diva Mama, you almost made me pee in my pants just now. Between the fermenting fruit and the purple crayon... I should just read this thread any time I have a hard time peeing!

My gas is never trapped. It's free-flowing. If I try to do it discreetly under the covers at night, invariably my husband will try and snuggle up, thus moving the air under the blankets to unleash a gust of stink-air up towards our faces, and then yelp about how smelly I am and why am I so smelly and he will hug me anyway even though I am so, so smelly. I hear the word smelly or stinky tossed at me several times a day.

[*MamaJen*]

On the skanky topic, I'll have you know I'm the local unwed mother in these here parts...the movie "Knocked Up" is basically the story of my life now. Anyway, all of page five is cracking me up. This whole thread cracked me up, but the recent stuff is too priceless.
Here's my contribution. We just started our childbirth classes last night. On the drive back, I finally confess to my boyfriend my big nagging fear of the last six months. Namely, that during childbirth another human being will see me poop.
I'm a sexually liberated third wave feminist punk girl, but I have serious hangups about admitting that the food I digest comes out the other end. I won't even use the bathroom when someone else is in the house. It's so ridiculous. I mean, I'm about to have an unmedicated, natural childbirth in which a watermelon sized fetus is about to come hurtling through my slowly expanding cervix, and seriously, another person seeing me poo is my only big fear.
Anyway, I confess this. My boyfriend gets this big evil grin on his face and he says, "Well, I know how we can level the playing field and make you feel comfortable about it. I'll give you a hot carl."
(If you don't know what that is, don't google it. Seriously, I don't want to be responsible for you having that knowledge.)
Anyway, I spent the next ten minutes giggling hysterically and for some strange reason feeling so much better.

[starry_mama]

Ok, last night I had such awful gas that I thought I was in labor. Seriously, I woke up DH and was like, "Dan! I'm having contractions! They are really close together and they hurt like hell!" OMG, you'd think I hadn't birthed 2 babies before and had never farted. Seriously, when it finally came out, I felt some relief.

And, for you constipated mamas - here's a tip - we went apple picking on Sunday and I ate about 40 apples and then had diarrhea all night. No constipation issues here!

[Code Name Mama]

I'm scared of pooing during labor too!!
wtf is a hot carl? I'd google it, but I'm scared of getting bombarded with strange porn popups

[wife&mommy]

Anyone know if you are less likely to poop during labor when unmedicated? I didn't poop last time with DS, no pain meds. I wonder if it makes a difference? I forgot about that! Ugh!

[eilonwy]

I'm not in your DDC, but I've been really, really unhappy lately and I just wanted to thank you all for making life a little more bearable.

As to pooping... I've only gone into actual, normal labor once and it began with horrific vomiting and diarrhea. I couldn't have pooped during birth to save my life, as I had an experience similar to the purple crayon one. I was so utterly void of fecal matter by the time I got to the hospital that there was no bloody way I could have pooped during pushing (even if I'd gotten there).

I don't stink, either. My girly bits actually smell *better* when I'm pregnant... and this time, even my sweat does (SO different from the first... ). : But thank you for the thread. You should totally have it stuck in I'm Pregnant, so we can enjoy it's hilarity again and again...

[bobandjess99]

Originally Posted by newmamatobe

Anyway, I confess this. My boyfriend gets this big evil grin on his face and he says, "Well, I know how we can level the playing field and make you feel comfortable about it. I'll give you a hot carl."
(If you don't know what that is, don't google it. Seriously, I don't want to be responsible for you having that knowledge.)
.

OMG!
I googled it.
I couldn't help myself.
:Puke
I want to my brain until that knowledge falls out.
- just for good measure.

[YummyYumYumMama]

Originally Posted by bobandjess99

OMG!
I googled it.
I couldn't help myself.
:Puke
I want to my brain until that knowledge falls out.
- just for good measure.

I made the mistake of reading the term aloud when a friend was visiting - we were both using our laptops. He promptly looked it up and read me a full definition, different ways it can be done, and other related terms like a "Boston crab" or something like that.

So I'm feeling you right now.

[mama2rey]

-so now I am so tempted to google....... BUt I'm scared.

:

EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW I couldn't help myself-I googled!!!!!!

:Puke

[CowsRock]

Ok, I'm going to resist googling the term. The overwhelming number of hurling smilies are enough to make me accept that this is knowledge I don't want.