Quick background, if you haven't been following along...
Ryan (my fiance) and I are both still living w/ our respective parents. We have a house to move into, but until Ryan finds a full-time job, we can't afford to. As a result, I spend a lot of time at his parents' house. I am over there, usually 6 days/week.
This is about my 8 mo. old, but pregnancy hormones are making me even more irate.
Only on rare occassions do I ask my MIL (to-be) specifically to watch my 8 mo. old. Ryan, I, or both of us are nearly ALWAYS there. She just swoops in and seems to think we're incompetent.
Here's the rest of the rant:
I NEED Ryan to find a full-time job SOON so we can move out. His mom is driving me nuts. Let me count the ways:
1.) The walker. Okay, we have a baby walker at home, too. Darren does enjoy, but he's in it for less than an hour a day. Strictly while we're making/eating supper. When he's at Ryan's house, he's in the walker for, I'd say 98% of the day. The only time he's not in it is when he's eating, sleeping, or being changed.
Darren LOVES to crawl. He loves to pull himself up. I truly think they put him in the walker b/c then they don't have to pay any attention to him. Yeah, you do have to watch him more closely, but, HELLO, that's part of it. If you don't want to go thru the trouble of actually watching and interacting with your grandson, then let me know. I'll find someone else to watch him.
At first, I gave her the benefit of the doubt, and thought that perhaps she/they put him in the walker so that he wouldn't go down the stairs. But then the other night I was over there, and he was on my lap and wanted down. I said to him, very loudly (so she would hear), "Well, since I'm right here to make sure you don't fly down the stairs, you can crawl around." In less than 60 sec., she had picked him up and slapped him in the walker.
Last night, I went over to Ryan's in the afternoon, before his parents were home. Darren crawled around on the floor, stayed in the living room (far from the stairs), and was enjoying himself immensley. Ryan's Dad came home, picked up Darren, and slapped him in the walker.
WHY!!?!?!?! (Where's that *beats head against a brick wall* emoticon?)
THEN, then will CONTINUE to force him to be in it, even when it's clear that he does not WANT to be in it. Last night, he was fussing and crying (I'll get to THAT in a minute); it was clear he did not want to be in the walker, so I took him out and was playing with him on the floor. As soon as he whined a BIT, Cheryl (Ryan's mom) swooped in and slapped him back in the walker.
HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE IN IT!!!!
So the fussing and crying leads me to...
2.) The woman is terrified that I'm overfeeding him. To the point that she UNDERfeeds him. I KNEW the reason he was fussing and crying was b/c he was hungry. She offered him the bottle and he didn't want it--b/c he wanted solid foods. But she doesn't want to offer him solids b/c then he'll get fat. I would have fed him myself, but he doesn't eat well with a lot of distractions, and any time I try to feed him there, it turns into a three ring circus. We'd have to go into the bathroom to be left alone. (Ryan's little brother, Logan, who's 10, but truly acts 5, is the biggest problem. He gets in Darren's face and WILL NOT leave.)
SO, she FINALLY decides to feed him at 6:30, which is a full hour after when he normally eats supper, so the poor kid is starving. Then she gives him half of what I would have (and what I AND Ryan have TOLD her that he normally eats) and pronounces him "stuffed." Yeah. So explain to me why he's crying.
He wouldn't take the bottle, b/c he wanted solids. He was also tired, since he had missed his afternoon nap (since they insisted upon shoving him in the walker), so I put him to sleep. He took a 30 min. nap, and then woke up. Cheryl couldn't figure out why he woke up. DO YOU THINK MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE HE'S STARVING!? So I ask Ryan to grab me the bottle out of the frige. "Oh, I'm sure he doesn't need that; he ate so much solids!"
He ate a full 6 oz. bottle, and 2 oz. out of a second.
So by now it's 8:00, and it's his bed time. He's tired. He's fighting it though. This is a nightly thing. He cries for about 15 minutes before he falls asleep. This is his "normal." I have accepted it. Ryan has accepted it. WHY WON"T SHE?!
I try to put him to sleep, but she whisks in and says, "Oh, here; he can help me with Logan's homework." 10 minutes later, she brings him back, because, shockingly, he was trying to eat the paper.
Did you really not see that coming, lady?
So then Ryan take him to put him to sleep. He starts crying again. She wants to shove a pacifier in his mouth. Fortunately, Ryan was like, "Um, I don't think he wants it." So of course, she says, "Well, we'll be done w/ homework in a few minutes. Then he can come play with me until he's tired."
How can I say this so you can understand: He doesn't need a pacifier. He doesn't need to play. He need someone who is willing to put him to sleep.
Thank God, she left us alone then, and Ryan got him to sleep.
3.) She doesn't like our boys name we've picked out. (Henry, btw.) Do you know why? B/c that happens to have been my Grandpa's name. She thinks I pressured Ryan into this name. Clearly, it's beside the point that RYAN suggested it, and didn't even REALIZE it was my grandpa's name.
I left Darren with Ryan today (I have to work later), and I feel SO guilty about it. I urged Ryan before I left to make sure he ate enough, to offer him water throughout the day (Darren really likes water), and to make sure that he was out of the walker more than he was in it. I begged Ryan to make sure his mom knew that Darren needs to eat more. "Well why don't you say something? You're his mother." Yes, I am. But she's YOUR mother. If I say something, I'm going to look like I hate my MIL. (And I know her. That's exactly what she's think. She's always pulling the "Oh, you hurt my feelings" card.)
I SHOULDN'T feel guilty about leaving my child with his father and grandparents. But I just feel like they are SO oblivious to his needs!
It's clear what is wrong with Ryan's youngest brother (the one who literally acts 5). If my parents shoved me aside at every opportunity, I'd be screaming for attention, too. (And Ryan and I are completely in agreement here: they are doing EVERYTHING wrong with this kid. It's not just me being bitchy/picky.)
OH, and one more reason she's driving me batty.
4.) Ryan and I have discussed this a lot, and we feel that once he gets a full-time job, if I work part-time, I'll be able to stay home with the kids most of the time. This is very important to me, as I'm sure most of you know. He told him mom this. She was apalled. "Both parents are supposed to work!" SHE SAID THAT! I know why she's like this, but she drives me nuts: she grew up w/ next to nothing, so she's made it her life's mission to make sure her kids have everything they ever ask for. She's the classic, "stuff is more important than my time" sort of stereotype.
When Ryan told me this, I had to bite my tongue very hard and think over my words very carefully. "She and I just have different values. Our kids might not have as much stuff as you guys had, but I feel it's more important for them to have my time." And dropped the subject.
Whether, you, she, or anyone agrees with our decision, is irrelevant. How dare she judge the decision WE've made for OUR lives?
I just want to scream at her/them sometimes: "Can't you SEE all the problems your kids have? I know I'm not perfect, but can't you admit that MAYBE you did something wrong in raising them? Your system CLEARLY did not work! Could we just TRY to do things my way?!"
We NEED to move. I cannot take this much longer. I know how I am: I don't get mad often, but when I do, I blow up. Pregnancy exacerbates this. She's going to do or say something, and I'm going to flip out. She'll cry, and I'll be the bad daughter-in-law.
If you've read thru all this, you're a saint. Even if you just skimmed it, you're pretty fabulous Thanks for listening to my ranting.
Ryan (my fiance) and I are both still living w/ our respective parents. We have a house to move into, but until Ryan finds a full-time job, we can't afford to. As a result, I spend a lot of time at his parents' house. I am over there, usually 6 days/week.
This is about my 8 mo. old, but pregnancy hormones are making me even more irate.
Only on rare occassions do I ask my MIL (to-be) specifically to watch my 8 mo. old. Ryan, I, or both of us are nearly ALWAYS there. She just swoops in and seems to think we're incompetent.
Here's the rest of the rant:
I NEED Ryan to find a full-time job SOON so we can move out. His mom is driving me nuts. Let me count the ways:
1.) The walker. Okay, we have a baby walker at home, too. Darren does enjoy, but he's in it for less than an hour a day. Strictly while we're making/eating supper. When he's at Ryan's house, he's in the walker for, I'd say 98% of the day. The only time he's not in it is when he's eating, sleeping, or being changed.
Darren LOVES to crawl. He loves to pull himself up. I truly think they put him in the walker b/c then they don't have to pay any attention to him. Yeah, you do have to watch him more closely, but, HELLO, that's part of it. If you don't want to go thru the trouble of actually watching and interacting with your grandson, then let me know. I'll find someone else to watch him.
At first, I gave her the benefit of the doubt, and thought that perhaps she/they put him in the walker so that he wouldn't go down the stairs. But then the other night I was over there, and he was on my lap and wanted down. I said to him, very loudly (so she would hear), "Well, since I'm right here to make sure you don't fly down the stairs, you can crawl around." In less than 60 sec., she had picked him up and slapped him in the walker.
Last night, I went over to Ryan's in the afternoon, before his parents were home. Darren crawled around on the floor, stayed in the living room (far from the stairs), and was enjoying himself immensley. Ryan's Dad came home, picked up Darren, and slapped him in the walker.
WHY!!?!?!?! (Where's that *beats head against a brick wall* emoticon?)
THEN, then will CONTINUE to force him to be in it, even when it's clear that he does not WANT to be in it. Last night, he was fussing and crying (I'll get to THAT in a minute); it was clear he did not want to be in the walker, so I took him out and was playing with him on the floor. As soon as he whined a BIT, Cheryl (Ryan's mom) swooped in and slapped him back in the walker.
HE DOESN'T WANT TO BE IN IT!!!!
So the fussing and crying leads me to...
2.) The woman is terrified that I'm overfeeding him. To the point that she UNDERfeeds him. I KNEW the reason he was fussing and crying was b/c he was hungry. She offered him the bottle and he didn't want it--b/c he wanted solid foods. But she doesn't want to offer him solids b/c then he'll get fat. I would have fed him myself, but he doesn't eat well with a lot of distractions, and any time I try to feed him there, it turns into a three ring circus. We'd have to go into the bathroom to be left alone. (Ryan's little brother, Logan, who's 10, but truly acts 5, is the biggest problem. He gets in Darren's face and WILL NOT leave.)
SO, she FINALLY decides to feed him at 6:30, which is a full hour after when he normally eats supper, so the poor kid is starving. Then she gives him half of what I would have (and what I AND Ryan have TOLD her that he normally eats) and pronounces him "stuffed." Yeah. So explain to me why he's crying.
He wouldn't take the bottle, b/c he wanted solids. He was also tired, since he had missed his afternoon nap (since they insisted upon shoving him in the walker), so I put him to sleep. He took a 30 min. nap, and then woke up. Cheryl couldn't figure out why he woke up. DO YOU THINK MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE HE'S STARVING!? So I ask Ryan to grab me the bottle out of the frige. "Oh, I'm sure he doesn't need that; he ate so much solids!"
He ate a full 6 oz. bottle, and 2 oz. out of a second.
So by now it's 8:00, and it's his bed time. He's tired. He's fighting it though. This is a nightly thing. He cries for about 15 minutes before he falls asleep. This is his "normal." I have accepted it. Ryan has accepted it. WHY WON"T SHE?!
I try to put him to sleep, but she whisks in and says, "Oh, here; he can help me with Logan's homework." 10 minutes later, she brings him back, because, shockingly, he was trying to eat the paper.
Did you really not see that coming, lady?
So then Ryan take him to put him to sleep. He starts crying again. She wants to shove a pacifier in his mouth. Fortunately, Ryan was like, "Um, I don't think he wants it." So of course, she says, "Well, we'll be done w/ homework in a few minutes. Then he can come play with me until he's tired."
How can I say this so you can understand: He doesn't need a pacifier. He doesn't need to play. He need someone who is willing to put him to sleep.
Thank God, she left us alone then, and Ryan got him to sleep.
3.) She doesn't like our boys name we've picked out. (Henry, btw.) Do you know why? B/c that happens to have been my Grandpa's name. She thinks I pressured Ryan into this name. Clearly, it's beside the point that RYAN suggested it, and didn't even REALIZE it was my grandpa's name.
I left Darren with Ryan today (I have to work later), and I feel SO guilty about it. I urged Ryan before I left to make sure he ate enough, to offer him water throughout the day (Darren really likes water), and to make sure that he was out of the walker more than he was in it. I begged Ryan to make sure his mom knew that Darren needs to eat more. "Well why don't you say something? You're his mother." Yes, I am. But she's YOUR mother. If I say something, I'm going to look like I hate my MIL. (And I know her. That's exactly what she's think. She's always pulling the "Oh, you hurt my feelings" card.)
I SHOULDN'T feel guilty about leaving my child with his father and grandparents. But I just feel like they are SO oblivious to his needs!
It's clear what is wrong with Ryan's youngest brother (the one who literally acts 5). If my parents shoved me aside at every opportunity, I'd be screaming for attention, too. (And Ryan and I are completely in agreement here: they are doing EVERYTHING wrong with this kid. It's not just me being bitchy/picky.)
OH, and one more reason she's driving me batty.
4.) Ryan and I have discussed this a lot, and we feel that once he gets a full-time job, if I work part-time, I'll be able to stay home with the kids most of the time. This is very important to me, as I'm sure most of you know. He told him mom this. She was apalled. "Both parents are supposed to work!" SHE SAID THAT! I know why she's like this, but she drives me nuts: she grew up w/ next to nothing, so she's made it her life's mission to make sure her kids have everything they ever ask for. She's the classic, "stuff is more important than my time" sort of stereotype.
When Ryan told me this, I had to bite my tongue very hard and think over my words very carefully. "She and I just have different values. Our kids might not have as much stuff as you guys had, but I feel it's more important for them to have my time." And dropped the subject.
Whether, you, she, or anyone agrees with our decision, is irrelevant. How dare she judge the decision WE've made for OUR lives?
I just want to scream at her/them sometimes: "Can't you SEE all the problems your kids have? I know I'm not perfect, but can't you admit that MAYBE you did something wrong in raising them? Your system CLEARLY did not work! Could we just TRY to do things my way?!"
We NEED to move. I cannot take this much longer. I know how I am: I don't get mad often, but when I do, I blow up. Pregnancy exacerbates this. She's going to do or say something, and I'm going to flip out. She'll cry, and I'll be the bad daughter-in-law.
If you've read thru all this, you're a saint. Even if you just skimmed it, you're pretty fabulous Thanks for listening to my ranting.
. I'm sorry that you have to deal with all of this, especially during pregnancy.
:
) and require them to feed X amount of food at every feeding etc etc etc then do it.
