Before I go into my appointment today. I forgot to mention that I am having an ultrasound done again on Monday and they want to recheck the weight along with a complete biophysical. They say they want to verify once again that the baby is not too big for a VBAC. I want to say so if they are different results, what test is wrong? Is that riduculous or what?
Today I had a horrible appointment. I started with a non stress test and it was perfect and my blood pressure was 140/90 which has been quite consistent. I started off by asking, is it okay if I go to Camp Snoopy tonight? And the midwife, Lisa said, "Absolutely not." What you need to be doing tonight is have that baby. I said, "Why, I am not going to go on rides and I will be sitting and watching mostly?" And Lisa said, "No it is too much stimulation and too much walking for you and we need to be having this baby soon and possibly talking about an induction. I said, "My due date is not until next Friday and my ultrasound was 8 out of 8 out on Monday and my non stress was good today." And she said, "Kathy your placenta has known for quite a few weeks that your blood pressure has been high." Then Lisa asked if I would be willing to have some blood work done (which would be my third time) and I said yes and then she said what about a 24 hour urine test and I said, "When would you get the blood results back?" And she said, "Monday, unless you go over to the hospital lab now, we can get the results in an hour." I said, "I just had the test 9 days ago and everything was fine, do you really think I need it and she said yes." I said, "Okay I will do the blood work but I do not want to do the urine test as of now." And then I said, "When you are talking induction, what are you talking and she said, "Gels." And I said, "But aren't they no good for vbacs cuz of uterine rupture and she said, "People still use them." Anyway I went over to the hospital to the 4th floor, I thought she said 4th floor and ended going through the neonatal area and saw a really sick baby with a family that was crying and I started crying. And thought I am such a fool to risk all of this and not being willing to cooperate with their urine tests and wanting to go to camp snoopy.
I left quite sad. I went and had a quick lunch and as I was driving home, Ann the other midwife called me with the blood work results and everything was fine. I said, "Ann, I am pretty bummed out right now, I don't know if you are being overly cautious or if you are really concerned. But I feel that everytime I come in it seems like you have nothing good to say. (which by the way, my edema is not even a one and my reflexes are fine) and she said, well your ultrasound and your non stress test today show a perfect baby and we want to keep everything that way so you should really continue to rest. I said, "I am confused that Lisa mentioned gels when those are not recommended for vbacs and she said, "Well sometimes people forget." Anyway she told me that maybe I should talk to a therapist to sort out these feelings and sadness around not having the last few weeks as joyous as I wanted.
Anyway after I got home I paged in to ask more questions. I talked to Ann and I said, "Ann a few weeks ago I asked you how high my blood pressure would have to go before you would talk induction or hospitalization and you said, "Before induction, you would do a magnesium drip which is no fun." And then today we are talking induction and my blood pressure has remained steady and my tests have all been good." And she said, "Kathy we may be at the point where your baby and your health are best for the baby to be outside of your body." I said, "Ann when I asked you about the gels earlier, you said sometimes the midwives forget." Ann said, "yes they forget that they are meeting with a client who has had a previous c-section." I said, "Ann I brought up the safety of gels for VBACs to Lisa and she did not seem concerned about them." And Ann said, "Kathy our practice does not use gels for VBAC moms." So there is another one of their double messages, makes my trust go way down!! She said that they would use pitocin but if your cervix is not favorable, it probably would not work. So then I said, "Ann can we just table this induction conversation until next week?" And she said, "Let me talk to the OB's, they are all in surgery right now and I will call you back." Yes they are in surgery with all the pitocin inductions they used today. Tee hee.
I am so confused? Am I in denial? I was excited about the VBAC etc. for the last few days, feeling really positive and hopeful and now they have me worried and sad. And I feel like I have to be treating myself as sick and not go have fun with my husband and son when last Sunday another midwife said I could just so I rest the rest of the day. What I don't get is they say rest and then they make me hang out there for 4 hours. I really would appreciate your thoughts and feedback.
Ann just called back and said the ob is not overly concerned even though my blood pressure was up a bit and I said, no it wasn't and she said yes 148/90 and then I said, "Ann it was written down wrong, cuz the first reading was 140/90 and the second was 135/89. So that is it for now.