Siblings

[IntuitiveJamie]

I know that lots of you have discussed your children in the "other side" thread, but I thought maybe we could start one specifically for this topic. That way we can give each other advice and thoughts on how to handle things with the siblings.

Ds1 is 21 months and the most diff. thing we are having a problem with is sleeping. It used to be that we would snuggle up together and drift off to sleep eventually. But now it's a big fight. It's very very frustrating and I have no patience for it. We co sleep so I have no way of making him stay put so to speak. I have been getting so mad that I just leave him in the room by himself to go to sleep. Which personally I don't think is such a terrible thing, howver dh always feels bad and goes in there eventually. (cuz he's crying and pitching a fit).
Does anyone have any advice? I feel he is getting plenty of attn, even from me. He's gotten new toys, I make special care to give extra hugs and loves and I have made sure to be the one to put him to bed each nap and nighttime like he's used to. So I'm at my wits end with this one. Is it so bad to let him figure it out on his own? And the big question is, how in the world am I going to get him to sleep next week while dh is at work? I am almost positive I won't be able to. *sigh*
Any advice is appreciated.
So how are things with your other children?

[mighty-mama]

Sleep is our only problem here too.. Here is what I do...

Since the beginning of Noah's life (2.5yrs) I would lay down with him for each nap, and for bedtime. Noah is very attached to me; especially during the night. But with Noah, he's had some rough (tramatic) times with me. When I was diagnosed w/ breast cancer he was 9mths old, and I had to wean him by his 1st b-day to start chemo. He was an avid nurser, and I had to take that away from him. Granted I had 3mths, but the only way to break the "nursing, back to sleep" habit, was to have him sleep w/ dh on the couch. We did this slowly, and it worked. But I think he gets anxious if he wakes up and I'm not there. There was also a period of 5 days that I was very sick and hospatilized during the chemo. So I was away from him.

But fast forward to after cancer. For Noah, I've noticed that if we don't spend enough "quality, cuddling time" together during the day, he sleeps worse at night. For instance, if he is separated from me, as my MIL has been taking him to the park at night recently; this creates a horrible night. I've also noticed this trend, when I used to tell him I'd have a doctors appt during the day. It's almost as he's so scared of me leaving him, that he actually wakes himself up, to make sure I'm still there.

When I became pg, and we moved into our new apt in April, I realized I needed to change our sleep routine. I knew I wouldn't have the time to spend 1hr each night in bed w/ a toddler who is playing games, rolling around, and not wanting to lay down and sleep. Since the spring, I started giving him a 20min countdown. I would lay down w/ him for 20min, and if he didn't fall asleep in that time frame, I would tell him, I'd be right back and I'd leave. For the first week, he kept coming out, and I'd bring him back in. Eventually he would fall asleep in the 20min. But I then started shortening the time to 10 min and under. And then sometimes, I wouldn't lay down at all. He had no problem.. But then I got lazy, and during the end of the pg, I started laying down with him, and going to sleep when he did, so I gotta get him back on track a little bit.

But fast forward to now. I've been fortunate that dh hasn't worked later than 9ish. So dh takes the baby, and I lay down w/ DS1. But he's once again, exhausted but playing games, and stalling to keep me in there... **********I think in his mind, he is missing our one-on-one time, and wants to spend some private time with me alone. But It's getting to the point that I can't stay in there that long. Since I've planted the seeds of him sleeping without me, there are many times, I hear the baby screaming, and I need to nurse him. When this occurs, I tell DS1, "I'll be back".. We have a certain "cuddle blanket" and I ask him if he wants me to put "our" blanket on him. I put pillows around him snuggly, and tell him he needs to "cuddle good for me". We usually hug and I tell him "I'll be back". Depending on his mood, he may cry, or he may go to sleep.

For naps I coordinate both boys to sleep at the same time. I will delay DS1, until DS2 is asleep. Many times, I'll lay down w/ DS1, while the baby is sleeping on my chest. Usually, I'll get a good 1/2 of sleep myself, before the baby starts screaming and wakes up DS1.. But during the times when dh is off, I leave the fully bellied, sleeping baby with him, and still lay down with DS1.. (usually DS1, is always asking for his brother)

I try hard to give DS1, the quality time we've had before the baby. During the night, dh and I switch from the bed to the couch, so each boy is with one of us. DS1, used to get upset daily, if I was on the couch, but he now realizes I'm there, and will come out during the night, and wait for him to finish nursing the baby, and I will then give dh the baby and go back in bed to sleep w/ DS1.

**Do you think a 20min countdown, would work?

[IntuitiveJamie]

Thanks for the suggestions! Your theory on ds1 prolonging our time together by playing and being crazy was very insightful and gave me a lot to think about. I too am trying very hard to give ds1 lots of attn and hugs and all that good stuff, but it only seems to make a difference during the awake times. Once we hit the bedroom for sleep, it's a mess no matter what. I'm not sure the 20 minute idea would work, (just yet) b/c he's only 21 months and I'm not sure he would get the concept. But I do know I'm ready to try something different b/c i'm not going to tolerate having bedtime become this horrible ordeal that takes 2 hours. Dh can put him to bed, but I was hoping to still use that time as snuggle, special time with ds1, like it used to be. I guess this too shall pass? I dunno yet. I will keep trying things, or dh will just have to take over if my patience for it all gives out.

[sunshine's mama]

The extra hugs and cuddles and play seem to only work during the day with us...Dp have been taking her up to bed when he goes but I miss that time with her so much bc it has been just me putting her to sleep, snuggles since birth...but she won't do it for me now..barely with him...She will usually wake up a few hours later and come downstairs to where I am and sleep on the sofa next to the one I am on..

The main issue we are having right now is with her taking the babies things.....she just took the bottle of baby GasX (I had just given her some (baby) bc all the other measures weren't working and dd snatched it off the table lickity split and dumped it on the floor (i thought it had a safety top)....I had turned to snap the diaper cover....the whole new $10 btl of GasX gone on the floor....normally, it wouldn't upset me as much but if you see my Would you eat it post in TAO, that's another $10 tossed in the trash today......I was right next to it....UGH......

So, we are having issue with her and the baby stuff....clothes, diapers, blankets etc.....trying to swing the swing when she is in it, thankfully I am not using a bouncer this time around or I am sure she would be catapulted with it.....