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Swollen Anterior Lip. Failed UC - Page 2

post #21 of 28
lots of wise words from these loving mamas.

Amanda, I hope you know that I most definitely do not think your UC was a failure. I probably would have done exactly what you did if I were in that situation. Birth is such a trial and error mysterious passage of life that we can't plan or control. The important thing is that as you always said, you were doing it out of love. You planned to stay home as long as it was safe because you loved yourself and your family. You planned to transfer if you no longer felt comfotrable at home because you love yourself and your family. You made your decisions out of love and thats what counts. You made every sincere effort to keep yourself and Evie safe, and look now, she is just gorgeous and so lucky to have such a strong wise mama like you. She will be an amazing woman one day. She is already an amazing little peanut. :

And as Romana9+2 said, you can only go so far with the "what if I had just..." speculations. To this day, I still ponder Every's birth..."what if I had waited longer to get in the tub.." "what if I had just gotten the courage to ask our guest to leave..." "maybe things would have progressed quicker and smoother"...etc. But in the end, you can only do what you can do in that moment, going on your best judgment, and cannot beat yourself up for any outcome that comes of those decisions. You and Chris did amazing and you both are such an inspiration to me. : You can always email me random thoughts as you continue to process. (Ha, processing birth is a lifelong thing, I doubt I will ever be finished processing! )
post #22 of 28
congrats on the birth of Evie mama
post #23 of 28
i'm with those who have said that it's ok to feel your negative feelings and work through them. it's ok to question what you did and experienced. it is only through this that you'll come to true peace about it and the depth of self knowledge that comes from birth.

i do not think of any birth as a "failed" experience. to me, birth is a sacred rite: one of the initiatory blood mysteries. but it should be noted that these sorts of things--initiations--are rarely "sterile" in the sense of coming through them with ease.

different people will have different processes and experiences--and i think it is important to take stock of the lessons of those experiences. for those who have insanely traumatic births, there will be healing in exploring that trauma and it's origins. And, those traumas are, in may ways, necessary for that particular spiritual initiation.

there aren't any mistakes in this--and yes, it stinks that often we must go through hardship, even great hardship, to get the full blessing of that initiation.

for me, no matter what happens in birth--it is all sacred and all part of the process. even if the "worst" happens, that has value and purpose at every level of being.

so, what is often considered "failure" (and i'm ok with this word, because it also inherently suggests attempting, effort, and strength of will to try!), it a part of the learning process. we take that 'failure' and we learn from it, and when we face a similar circumstance, we try again.

it may be that you never give birth again (whichi s ok, i don' tknow what you want, or what is going to happen. --but this doesn't mean that the lessons don't have value in every aspect of your life.

i feel that what we learn from our failures is probably the greatest gift that we can receive. it is the beginning of wisdom.
post #24 of 28
wow! thanks to all the mamas that responded to her. i really needed to real all this. i'm *still* processing a bit from our birth 2 1/2 yrs ago. (i really could use a computer at home to come to mothering.com more often!) very sweet to read.
fwiw, i took arnica 1m to deal with swelling of my cervix as my body was full on pushing before my son had moved down enough to be pushed. it was torturous. finally a friend suggested we take a walk. it felt so good to walk outside in the cool refreshing air--we live in the woods so we didn't have neigbors seeing us--that might've been weird to me. i relaxed, breathed big full breaths, smiled, woke up a bit, felt some relief from my overwhelming fear of pain. went back inside and though i don't remember the timing exactly (a good sign for a birthing mama), next dh saw a yellow sac between my legs. aha! i crouched like a gorilla on knees and fists over some towels and pushed that cutie on out. gosh i loved pushing!!

my labor was 22 hrs. much of it seemed like pushing/being stuck from fear. i'm so glad i was able to move through it. i'm so glad my friend was available by phone for support (she's an awesome uc-supportive mw)

oh, and i totally understand the idea of getting stuck in what a uc should look like and being critical of ourselves if it doesn't live up to that. we live and (hopefully) learn!
post #25 of 28
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by zoebird View Post
i feel that what we learn from our failures is probably the greatest gift that we can receive. it is the beginning of wisdom.
So true! I am definate proof of that.

Originally Posted by sprinkle pocket View Post
fwiw, i took arnica 1m to deal with swelling of my cervix as my body was full on pushing before my son had moved down enough to be pushed. it was torturous.
I used arnica after the birth. It definately helped with all the swelling and bruising of labor and delivery. But I don't know why I didn't think to use it during. Oh now I remember I was in Labor
post #26 of 28
I also transfered... did some involuntary pushing, about an hour, hour and a half and no progress. I was hands and knees because that was just what felt right. We xfered and they said I was 9.5 with a lip when I got there. But it didn't take me long to finish and push her out, less than half an hour. I thought she must've been in a bad position and shifted during the xfer, and that the lip thing was bunk. But now I'm thinking maybe that was it, and that the hands/knees urge was to get her off my cervix to give it a chance to finish. But I didn't go chest/knees for some reason. I don't know. I wonder what the answer to this is.
post #27 of 28
I have not had a UC - but I have had two cervical lips in my two mw attended hbs. Both times the mw "reduced" the lip by holding it "back" while I pushed "past" it. 1st time I don't think swelling was really an issue - 2nd time, it definitely was.

I'm posting b/c I hope the 2nd experience might be useful to the OP in thinking about the swelling/lip.

I had asked the mw not to do anything during the labor unless I asked her to. I had my fingers on my cervix a lot b/c it was a way for me to be aware of how my body was working and besides, I got to touch my baby's head! After a while I realized I had a lip and started trying to massage it away/push it behind baby's head myself. Then it started swelling. I had been laboring hands and knees for most contractions (sitting or standing btw. contractions) the whole time, so I was pretty sure the problem was not me being stuck in one position or anything. I decided to ask the mw for her help. We talked about options: wait, choose a different position, arnica, have her reduce the lip manually while I pushed past it. We did them all, pretty much in that order, b/c I wanted to interfere as little as possible. But - you know - being "stuck" in transition really sucks. And to me, that's what having a lip feels like - like being in transition FOREVER. Waiting didn't do much. Different position (reclining - ow) started to help. Arnica did the trick to reduce the swelling, but I still had the lip. MW reduced while I pushed, after we thought about it and decided it might work better for me to apply effort in one direction while the MW applied effort in the other direction.

DS2 was born 10 minutes later, sunny side up, into my hands.

Just another experience with this problem to put in the old hat.
post #28 of 28
I just wanted to say thank you to FreeLove for posting her experience. It's not something you read a lot about as a complication during labor. But I'm so glad to be made aware of it.

I'm sorry you ended up having to transfer, and I hope your healing goes well. Congratulations on your baby! Take all the time you need in feeling whatever you need to feel to process your birth experience. No one here would call your birth a failure. You did it!
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