How do you get the nerve to get help? update post #19

[LilMomma83]

First...I know I posted this almost exact thing in a FYT thread a few weeks ago and I thank those of you who so kindly responded...I honestly thought I was "better" or just made myself think that to avoid asking for help. I think maybe I am just comeing up with excuses...I'm sorry.

I keep think I'm feeling better and then something else happens and back to square one...I really don't even know if it's PPD (because I had 3 other very upsetting events occur close to the time of my baby's birth) or just plain depression - but it's all kind of related anyway isn't it?

How on earth do you mamas get the nerve to ask for help? I think people will just either laugh in my face or take my child away...I just feel like I am never in that middle ground where I can feel "good" about asking for help. I've spoken to my parents and they are really supportive - but they can't do it for me..I know I have to be the one to call the doctor and risk going in to talk to them. Plus I just keep thinking it will go away...DS is 5mo. I know I have to do something though because I am falling further and further behind in school because I can't focus on it and then I just even feel worse.

I've taken the quiz at the top of the forum a few times over the past couple months and scored anywhere from in the 30s to in the 70s....and the 30s keep making me think I am actually fine and just making everything up. But I know I can actually plot out very violent behaviour (though not to my family members don't worry) - and I'm not a violent person so that scares me. I've also been super obsessive about the locks on our doors etc to the point that I wake up at night and walk around the house checking the doors and windows and this time last year we were just leaving the windows on ground level even wide open.

So how come I think nobody will believe me and I will just feel embarressed for asking for help? I know I saw somewhere that I fall inbetween the high risk ages for PPD (I'll be 24 in 3wks) - so that has me thinking nobody will believe me. Somebody please tell me how you got the nerve up to ask for help and who did you go to?

[shell024]

:

I'm right there with you, and I have finally asked for help. I know what you mean about thinking know one will believe you. I have that problem. My own Dp doesn't really believe me and is not taking me seriously (he is starting to get a slight clue though...). A very close friend of mine (she's kind of my mentor, almost a mother figure) who is a doula/midwife also started to doubt that I have ppd, and tried to minimize to just needing to adjust my diet. My mom just says "why are you depressed?" when I said I think I might have ppd, and I dont have an answer for her.

I finally called a therapist, went for one session, that cost me $85 (no insurance!) and then made an appointment with a lady that does free counseling to gain hours to get her certificate...her lack of experience showed in the session. The first lady seemed more experienced, but I can't tell yet if she is taking the ppd seriously, or if she is just taking this all as relationship issues (which I stated as being one of the main factors making everything worse).

Sooo....tomorrow I am contacting a psychiatrist and going to ask about their experience with ppd. Sheesh. It IS very hard to get up the nerve to ask for help. And then double hard to keep your nerve when you are disappointed after asking, like I was/am! In the meantime, I just keep reading more and more about ppd and keeping myself educated, which in itself kind of keeps me both depressed and not depressed. Its nice to feel legitimized by reading about it and seeing that I fit many of the symptoms and risk factors, but then its depressing knowing that there really is a problem and that I can't just "fix it" like I usually think I can.

I seem to give myself the image of the strong, confident, outgoing woman who people love, so it is very hard for me to admit that I feel like my life sucks half the time. I feel like I"m just whining most of the time and making things up to get people to pity me and pitch in. But the more I am reading, the more I am realizing that this really is a biochemical and hormonal imbalance issue that is beyond my control, and that I need to get extra help to treat it.

I say start with a psychiatrist. Start calling around and asking about their experience with ppd. I will be asking questions to get a feel for how the person views ppd, if they are just a "drug you and take your money" type or "sincere and honest about your options" type. Good luck, you aren't alone! We can put our nerves together and get help!

[nolansmummy]

I feel like i have the same problem. It will be a few days and i'll start to feel like i'm getting better. THings are good and then Bham its hits me hard. People can't tell by looking at me, i've spendt a lifetime of holding in my emotions. i think people will think i'm faking it, or its not really as serious as i feel it is. Like i'm going to make an appointment and talk to someone and they 'll laugh at me . Which would just make it worse. And just thinkng about that is giving me huge anxiety. I just need someone to believe me and help me.

[RainbowEarthFaerie]

I'm with you ladies. I haven't tried to seek help because I don't think anyone would believe me. DH basically blows it off and tells me to get over it, so I think maybe it isn't that bad. But deep down, I know it is and I'm scared to get help.

[gwerydd]

i knew i needed help. i was so scared and didn't know what to do. i knew that i was high risk for PPD. i just got to a point where i couldn't function noramlly and i had to get help for myself and for my family. sorry baby crying, gotta go.

[RainbowEarthFaerie]

Who do you go to? Do you go back to your OB/midwife? Do you find someone else?

[gwerydd]

i originally went through my OB and hypertension specialist. i did not like the psychiatrist at all, she made my anxiety and panic worse. i was connected with another dr. who specialised in PPD through my GP. my GP was great and took me seriously and made sure that i got in to see someone as soon as possible.

[LilMomma83]

I know I have a number to call somewhere in my discharge stuff from the hospital but I really feel like a freak if I do that! I've several times started filling out the online request for apointment thing for the OB's office but not submitted it...and I called once, and then ended up just scheduling a regular exam which is in like 2wks - I guess sort of hoping they would ask me how I'm doing, but they didn't even ask at my 6wk pp visit so I am sure they will not ask at this one...I'm just being a chicken I guess. I also had the perfect oportunity to bring it back up with DH last night when he was quizing me on how I was doing (I had a feeling because he knows something is "up") but I just told him I was tired and had a headache. : It took so much for me to convince him to let me stay home with DS that part of me is scared that if I let him know how I feel and that part of it does have to do with staying home then it will be "I told you so," or "go back to work." I also tried calling my school (but they didn't get back to me) to see if I could get incomplete grades; trying to take some pressure off at least (I'm not only behind this semester, but I still have several projects left from last semester when the baby was born before it was over and I did not go back). Of course I'm up in the middle of the night wide awake but not able to focus on the things I need to do which isn't helping...I know the baby's going to get up at any minute and lately me skin crawls when he nurses for more than 5mins which is so frustrating because for the first time since he was born it's nearly pain free...and I don't even want to nurse him.

[doudat]

Asking for help was the hardest thing for me. I went to my gp and I was soooo nervous about asking for meds. I knew I needed them, I wasn't in doubt about it though. But I went up to her and I tried to sound really casual as I asked for meds and a referal for a psychologist (for my insurance). I told her I felt really anxious and stressed. I didn't tell her about my OCD because she told me that she once had a patient with intrusive thoughts and she thought it was the strangest thing, like she couldn't understand that

Anyways, not much advice except lots of

[kalisis]

s mamas. It *is* hard to ask for help, but if you think you need it, do it! Do it for yourself and for your precious babies. No one has to live this way, no one deserves to live this way. My midwife was NO help, my OB was no help, my kids pediatrician was no help - I called them all. I finally had to suck it up and call a clinic myself. Thank god the woman I spoke with was kind and understanding and helped me.

The point is, I had to call and call and call. I didn't give up - I just kept looking. I made at least a dozen calls before someone would help me. So, don't be thwarted, persist.

And after getting help, my life and the life I was making for my children improved so drastically, it wasn't even funny.

Do it today, make at least two calls if the first one won't/can't help you. There *is* help, sometimes it's hard to find, but it's there.

s and good luck.

[shell024]

Originally Posted by anniej

The point is, I had to call and call and call. I didn't give up - I just kept looking. I made at least a dozen calls before someone would help me. So, don't be thwarted, persist.

This is the hard part, and is what I am currently doing. I keep reading over the risks/symptoms of ppd, especially on the "good" days, so that I don't put it off. Its discouraging when i make one call and they just dont sound like they know a thing about ppd "Oh, you need to get time to youself" (duh, i *know* that...its deeper than that though!) or they charge an arm and a leg, or the lady that does know won't be in till next week, or I get the good ol answering machine...and no one returns my call. BUT I'm still calling!! I demand help damnit, and I'm sick of being brushed off, minimized, and made out to just be whining about parenthood! I don't think there even is an ND here on Guam, but that would be my next call if there is. I'm scared of the cost of the 3 (yes there are only 3) psychiatrists out here, the therapist I saw once is $85/hr and the average cost out here is supposed to be $40-50. Wtf?? So I'm still calling around.

like the pp said, keep calling! dont give up, I'm not!

[jillmamma]

That is THE hardest thing for me is to make the call! I recently had to see my GP again to change my meds as the others were no longer working, and it took my DH nagging me to actually do it. It must be even worse when people don't take you seriously! Depression can be so debilitating!

[RainbowEarthFaerie]

I don't have a true GP anymore. I quit seeing my old one because honestly I couldn't stand her. It got to the point that I felt I knew more than she did. We've recently started seeing an ND, but I don't feel that I know her well enough to discuss my emotional standing. *sigh*

[LilMomma83]

My DH almost directly asked me and I told him I was fine. I actually had printed off the quiz results from the link on the top of this forum but then he got some extremly desturbing news from his family back home and I just feel like my problems are so trivial now..but at the same time I am jealous almost that he is trying so hard to help this person. I'm mad to because he blew off my feelings about a similar incident I had been through telling me to "get over it," but then his cousin has a problem and he does everything in his power to help him. Argh! Then I just feel guilty for being jealous or thinking of myself when his cousin is in such a horrible situation.

Does anyone else just keep thinking,, "if I give it another week it will go away," I mean it's been almost 6mos...and it doesn't go past a year, right? The thing is that I know it's geting worse....I keeping letting the baby cry - scream even while I do stuff instead of playing with him or wearing him and I do feel guilty but for some reason when it happens I just feel like I honestly can't hold him...I don't know it's wierd. I just keep hoping DH will ask me directly or I'll get asked at my annual womans exam (same OB office that I got prenatal care through - but not the same midwife because she was book up ) in two weeks or something..but I know that won't happen.

I'm also really scared of CPS especialy with the other thread on this forum...

[RainbowEarthFaerie]

I also have the "it'll go away if I wait" thoughts. I'm just confused about where to turn.

I'm scared to ask, but what thread is talking about CPS??

[jbodily]

There is Help!!!

You can call your local Mother-to-Mother support group. You should be able to find your local group by accessing www.postpartum.net (this is Postpartum Support International) and look for local resources. Most support groups have telephone volunteers who have been there and are willing to listen (and don't think you're crazy), local face to face groups, and resources within your local community including counselors and psychiatrists experienced and knowledgable in postpartum adjustment issues. Best wishes to you!!!

Jamie

[MilkTrance]

Originally Posted by WhisperV

I'm with you ladies. I haven't tried to seek help because I don't think anyone would believe me. DH basically blows it off and tells me to get over it, so I think maybe it isn't that bad. But deep down, I know it is and I'm scared to get help.

Same.

DH is convinced I am not eating nutritiously enough, and that I'm paranoid and crazy.

:

He is so nice in every other aspect, I don't understand why he has to blow this off like this.

I feel for you!!!!!

[gwerydd]

Originally Posted by WhisperV

I also have the "it'll go away if I wait" thoughts. I'm just confused about where to turn.

I'm scared to ask, but what thread is talking about CPS??

please, please don't let a fear of CPS/CAS keep you from getting help if you need it. do it for yourself and for your children. ask about drs in your area who understand and treat PPD on a regular basis. they will know what you are dealing with and deal with it appropriately.

[shell024]

Originally Posted by jbodily

You can call your local Mother-to-Mother support group. You should be able to find your local group by accessing www.postpartum.net (this is Postpartum Support International) and look for local resources. Most support groups have telephone volunteers who have been there and are willing to listen (and don't think you're crazy), local face to face groups, and resources within your local community including counselors and psychiatrists experienced and knowledgable in postpartum adjustment issues. Best wishes to you!!!

Jamie

Unfortunately, there aren't ANY support groups out here. I'm looking into starting one but cant really motivate myself to organize it. I have called PSI's helpline, but it was a weekend and there wasn't any volunteer available, didn't really make sense, but I haven't had any huge breakdowns since last weekend where I felt like calling.

I guess when I'm in the throes of ppd, I dont want to call anyone. I dont want to talk to anyone, I feel like know one cares, no one wants to hear me whine anymore about how I hate my life, and I feel betrayed by those people who i usually TRY to tell (but somehow never can say the words directly "I have postpartum depression") and like i want to hide away from them...like maybe they'll get a clue if I am MIA or something...I dont know how to explain it, I guess I feel immature, like I need to be pitied or something, like I want someone to worry about me.

[LilMomma83]

update

Well I talked to DH last night kind of (my father helped) and DH says he will go with me to the doctor. I called my OB today and they just called back to refer me to a few mental health docs (well centers I guess) and said if I get any ITs about harming anyone (I didn't give them much detail on what my "thoughts that I don't like having" to go to the ER but I don't plan to...I know I'm, not crazy after reading about so many other people who feel the same way, KWIM?

So I am just waiting for DH to call on his lunch break and decide which place I should call...I'm really worried now about the money because I don't think we have mental health coverage - or something like one visit a year per person or something...I know they do a "sliding scale" also - but I'm pretty sure our income will be to high..it stinks that those places don't take into account school expenses and stuff. (I've been paying my way every other semester or so and getting loans as sparingly as posible).

Argh...but now I really feel like a crazy person to be calling a mental health center!!! I looked online and one of the places they suggested even has a mental hospital!!! I know I will be seen outpatient but it just really makes me feel crazy to call them!

But this is good, right? Tell me it's worth the money..now that I have DH's support I know he will say it is but I just hate spending money on myself...My clothes were falling apart and I wouldn't buy more until DH took me to the store and made me buy everything I tried on that fit plus extras of a few styles. Which actually, speaking of clothes...I supose it is time to get dressed! I'm such a rambler!!!!!!