I am really stressing out! (kinda long post) - Page 2

[applecore]

Do you have a religious community that might be willing to help you? Even if your own place of worship (if you have one) isn't helpful, that can be a great resource in very troubled times. I know that my Unitarian Universalist church has an Arms Around committee to help out with people in tight spots in different ways. UU churches are very accepting of all beliefs, so it might not hurt to check into it if there's one in your area. Hang in there, mama! It has got to be so hard right now, but just take things one step at a time, and try not to look too far ahead. It can be really overwhelming if you try to think about what the next year will look like. And I aggree with others who have said not to leave your home, but if there's any physical violence, just go immediately! I'm thinking about you and your baby.

[mama..me??]

im so sorry!! that is just an awful situation to be in and i agree with everything that everyone else has said.

[isra1986]

I didn't sleep at all last night. I tried but I woke up every 20 mins. He stayed at his friends house all night and I sstayed home.

He has called me twice already today. Once to tell me to walk to the store if I need the car (we live only 2 miles from the store, and we only have 1 car) and the second time to make sure I was not signed on to his myspace (mature, right?)

My sister is coming over to spend some time with me. She lives about 1 hour away and she surprised me by calling to tell me she has a job interview in my town and wanted to stop by. I haven't made up my mind if I want to tell her whats going on.

Thanks for all the advice and offers for a place to stay! I love all you mamas! I actually live about as far away from California as you can get and still be in USA. I live in Delaware, only about 1.5 miles from the ocean, so I am on the complete oppisite side of the country.

Just wanted to update everyone on whats going on. Again thanks for all the support. All the online hugs really do help. for all of you guys

[isra1986]

DH just yells. He would never hit me. He knows I can take him anyway. We worked together for 3 years and before I got pregnant I could pick up 100 lb. boxes of food when we got our delivery like they were nothing, lol.

[Dea]

your last comment made me smile. "He knows I can take him anyway." Hee hee... all I can think is, sucker! I'm glad that your sister is coming to visit you, and I'm glad that you stayed in your house!
In any case my previous offer stands. If you're in a tough bind, I'll do whatever I can to help you.
I promise.

[isra1986]

My sister just left (She got the job! I am happy because it is a really good salon, has a great reputation) I didn't tell her anything, she is in a tough situation too (her fiancee is in Iraq) I had fun talking to her and she got hear her neices hearbeat with the prenatal heart listener. Thanks so much Dea, I am glad I made you smile! It is the truth though, really, lol.

[Mindi22]

Isra,
I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through - your spirits sound up after your sister's visit, though, which is good. Please, get in touch with a family law attorney as soon as possible, so that you are protected.

And I know that you're in Delaware, but Massachusetts is closer than CA, so if you're in need of a place to stay, my house is open as well to you. I have a few friends that are family law attys up here in MA, and if you'd like, I can see if any of them know anything about Delaware law and about any good attys near you.

I'm glad to hear that you're back in the house - I agree with all previous posters who have told you not to move out.

:

[BabyBump]

Hugs your way. I've been there done that. Most importantly is to reach out to friends or family. I kept much of what was going on during my first marriage a secret. I was embarsssed, scared, and feeling stupid. Thought that all the verbal and mental abuse was my fault. I stayed much longer than I should have because I didn't know if I could do it on my own. Guess what I made it and you will too. Stay strong-Stand up for yourself and your baby. Be careful too. Just because you don't think he won't do something doesn't mean he won't. Mine never got to the hitting point either, but after he threw things at me, I didn't let my guard down. Thinking about you!

[nolonger]

You're doing great, mama.

I'm in California now, but I grew up outside of Philly and could probably dig up some old contacts not too far from Delaware who might be able to help if it really comes down to it.

Please, PLEASE talk to a family law attorney and have the custody papers drawn up ASAP. The way the law was in 1988, without custody papers, the father had just as much right to my dd as I did even though he denied paternity during the entire pregnancy, pushed me down the stairs in an attempt to recreate the miscarriage scene from Gone With The Wind, and Phoenix didn't even know him.

You don't want to hear my whole sob story and I'm not strong enough to relive it anyway, but please don't let anything similar happen to you and your dd. Nolo Press books are another good way to educate yourself about the law and they are available at most public libraries.

I'm glad you're staying in your own home. That's what I did when I kicked the crack addict ex (my surviving teens' father) out and it really helped to REDECORATE! I didn't spend a whole lot of money or even get new furniture right away, but I got rid of some old furniture that reminded me of exy and got a new bedspread, made curtains from thrift store sheets, and picked up an inexpensive carpet remnant to make the place feel more like MINE and purge the bad memories.

Be careful with the no sleeping. One night isn't going to hurt you, but it's fairly common for the fight-or-flight response to kick in during a breakup to the point where we don't feel the need for eating or sleeping and don't even realize how frazzled we are getting, but those around us do and use it against us. Chammomile and Hylands Calms Forte are both safe to use during pregnancy. A warm bath can also help the insomnia.

Please kep us updated. There are a lot of us here who have BTDT and we have had different experiences so hopefully you can take what works for you and disregard the rest. We do care and we are aware of what a frightening and potentially dangerous time this can be. It empowers us to try our best to empower you.

[isra1986]

well, I am trying to sleep but still cannot. It is currently 3:15 a.m. and I have been trying for 4 hours now. Thanks for all the advice though, noordinaryspider! you are the best.

[sewingmomma]

thinking of you and Dont leave the house is is comnsidered abadonment of the property.. And do see a attorney. I am so enraged at the treatment he is giving you.

[Dea]

How's everything going? Has it all settled down? Did he regain his senses?

[Gunter]

isa,


hope that things are getting better for you. my mom left my dad who was abusive to her. the kids had no idea but we are all so proud of her many years later now that we know everything that was going on. she found lots of help in local organizations. i hope that you can find some good support to help.

[isra1986]

Things are a bit better now. We have alot of stress in our life at the moment and we are trying to be more patient. He is back home now. We are trying to talk things out and work on our problems one at a time, not try to do everything at once.

[Writerbird]

To be honest, to me it sounds like this has nothing to do with you, but that he is mentally ill.

If so, take it from someone who was there at 21... IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO SAVE HIM OR FORGIVE HIM. Honey girl, you've given him more chances than he deserved since we've been in this DDC together. You will be all right in the long run, I swear, no matter what.

Good luck and keep us posted?

[ScarletBegonias]

:

just checking on you babe. i'm relieved that you stayed in your home, and your sis came to visit. keep us updated mama!