Is it different when they are your own?

[maisiedotes]

I hate to admit it but I have the patience of a wet sock most of the time. Screaming kids and the parents who scream at them drive me up the wall and all I want to do is run away! Recently I was at a friend's house and the 3-year-old was screaming, the TV was very loud, the father was yelling for her to stop screaming, and the 7 year old was talking NONSTOP. The mother was on the phone trying to talk above everyone. I was near tears (and a valium) Is it true that things are different when they are your own children? I know kids have energy and stuff but I can't see me allowing all that crap going on in my own house. I wanted to knock all their heads together.

What do you all think? Should I be stockpiling tylenol right now?

[SharonAnne]

Hey, I'm not in your DDC, but I wanted to respond. Yup, it's different

First of all, with regard to the noise level....yeah, kids can be noisy. But they can also learn about the difference between being noisy and being quiet and when each is appropriate. My two year old knows we don't yell in the house. But she can scream her head off out in the yard or at the park or whatever :

As long as you provide outlets for that extra energy, and that extra noise that comes with it, you'll be fine

Take into account too, that these kids (and the father) are not your family; so you're not necessarily comfortable saying something, you know? In contrast, when it is your family, you'll have no problem saying something like "Hey! Check the noise level, please!" (One of my favorites when EVERYONE'S getting too loud for my liking )

[melissakc]

Oh, yeah, it's different! There are very few kids I even like besides my own. That probably sounds terrible, but it's true. There's a reason I chose to teach HS and not elementary. *shudder* Just not for me. DH is the same way. I was worried that he wouldn't be a great daddy bc he got so annoyed by other people's kids, but it's not the same at all.

There is no way that kind of thing would occur in our house or in yours, so I think you experienced the combination of other people's kids with other people's rules, and BAM! That'll get you every time!

Don't worry. I promise, you will love your child more than your heart can bear, and even when s/he gets on your nerves, it is NOTHING like when someone else's kid gets on your nerves. I guess it's part of nature's design so we don't clobber our kids. Plus, you understand your child and tend to know why s/he is acting a certain way, so it's different.

[Ruthla]

Also not in your DDC but felt the need to respond. (Hey, I need some excuse to not eat breakfast or get dressed, right? )

I remember babysitting while I was pg, and feeling unconnected to the kids, uncomfortable not being in my own house, etc. Even babysitting for kids older than my own (after they were born obviously) gave me a similar feeling. It's completely different when I'm caring for my own kids. I know them and feel comfortable around them. We just feel more "at home" together.

Sure, there are times when I'm overwhelmed with the noise and chaos but it's still a different kind of feeling than when I was caring for other people's kids. Watching your own is more intense in some ways (no "going home at the end of the visit") and less intense in other ways- the general comfort level and familiarity with the child(ren).

New motherhood can be pretty intense- I remember holding DD1 as an infant and thinking "when is her mother going to come and take her home?" And then I remembered "Oh yeah, I AM her mother and she IS home- AAACCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!" I'm not trying to scare you- just warn you that these kinds of feelings are perfectly normal and you don't need to panic if you experience them.

[mommybytheWord]

Soooooo different with your own childern!! I am amazed at what does not bother me with my childern! Your own are great!

[Momma Aimee]

it IS totally differnt with your own kids, buttttttttttttttttt that does NOT mean you won't hit sensory overload ..... i actually hit sensory overload MORE since being a mom. TV has to go OFF and things have to slow down and stop ....

Maybe i am more sensitive to it now cuz i am unmedicated (for pregancy, BF I have been such since 2004).

Or

Maybe because i am more alret to the enviorment because of having Theo in it -- that is maybe something trips in MY head faster to protect him ???

But sesnory over load still kicks in -- just cuz it is your house that is loud and your kid(s) being loud doesn't mean it won't bug you -- espically if that is a trigger for you.

Remember too -- the very fact you are pregant will make everything MORE too -- like a drug.

I actually find Theo's crying gets to me more, than ssay my DN's crying or a stranger crying ..... we have freinds with a 2 yo little girl, they are good folk and parent a lot like us, however she has some tantrums now adn they have to let her just burn out -- i can sit and talk to the mom while she cries ... however Theo gets a little upset and i can't consentrate on a simply conservation ...

[Isaac'sMa]

Yes, it's different. However, if that kind of thing annoys you at someone else's house you probably wouldn't let it get to that point at your own house. If it were my house, I would be turning the tv off : and sending the kids outside to run and play!

[marisa]

It's different, but you'll still want to hit the Tylenol and/or rip your hair out now and then, especially during the toddler/preK years.

And people always say, "Oh, I'd NEVER let my kids do that" but kids have a mind of their own and you will find them doing things you never would have dreamed YOUR children would do!

[Isaac'sMa]

Originally Posted by marisa

It's different, but you'll still want to hit the Tylenol and/or rip your hair out now and then, especially during the toddler/preK years.

And people always say, "Oh, I'd NEVER let my kids do that" but kids have a mind of their own and you will find them doing things you never would have dreamed YOUR children would do!

Yes, frustrating, but TRUE! I think to a certain extent if you've seen a lot of other families with kids or been around a lot of families with kids BEFORE you have kids you get a lot of time to watch. You can tell what's going to set a kid off and you see a lot of different coping techniques and then have a pretty big "bag of tricks" to pull out when the time comes with your own kids. I think that babysitting a lot and being around a lot of other AP parents before I had my son has helped me tremendously. Of course, when you're in the middle of it all it *is* sometimes hard to see the forest for the trees.

[strawberryfields08]

Originally Posted by marisa

And people always say, "Oh, I'd NEVER let my kids do that" but kids have a mind of their own and you will find them doing things you never would have dreamed YOUR children would do!

YES! This is very true in all aspects of parenting. Things I swore I would not do or let my child do happen all of the time. I am not saying you give up all of your ideals but you definetely make compromises once your children start thinking for themselves. They do things that lead me to do things that aren't exactly how I planned parenthood would be, but the flexibility makes for a lot less stress!
And with your own children it is definetely different. My DN can drive me up the wall faster than DD, who is actually the high needs one. But it does get crazy and overwhelming with your own as well, I just think your tolerance level is higher and because you do make the rules things just work better for your household and your parenting style.

[Curlita]

With your own kids, it creeps up on you. It's not instant, total immersion into chaos. First you have one and sometimes they cry, and then they get older and sometimes they are a pain, and then they are three and they try your patience 75% of the time, and then you get pregnant, and I don't know what happens next so ask me in 6 weeks but I have a feeling that it DOES involve a LOT of valium.

Seriously, it is better with your own kids, for all the reasons already posted, but there will be moments of SERIOUS madness and hair pulling, also. I'm very aware that my threshold is lower right now because I am tired and pregnant. But it's pretty amazing how much patience you can muster with your own child.

[monocyte]

Yes!!

Even now, since having a child, there are some kids that can put me over the top. : Mostly I think its more parental lack of guidance and teaching appropriate times for things.

I really have a hard time having some friends over who allow their children to do certain things in my house (even though I've repeated tried to move their children away from the situation with their parents right there). DS has had many a broken toys and injuries from what I consider inappropriate behavior (and I'm not talking about 2 year old stuff either...) So...there are some friends that we will either go to their house, or just not see very much.

I'm not saying that I'm or my DS is perfect, but we have a standard for indoor play...

[StacieM]

Oh yes - having your own child is different! There is nothing else like it. Sometimes they'll definitely drive you crazy (and you just may need a Tylenol or two on occasion), but they also make it so worth it at other times.

[happyfrog]

YES!

definitely different with your own kids and you may react differently to others' kids - because you'll be more 'used' to the chaos. unless some of your friends are like mine - who manage to have perfect houses, lives, everything and you just don't get how that's possible. .. .

anyways, even wtih your own kids (your experience may vary) i get worn out after 2-3pm. 3-6pm is insane asylum here. the kids know how to push my buttons and they whine and all sorts of crap even when i have stuff planned for them - it's just i get tired from all the environmental sounds, so i plan accordingly and don't do visiting people then and discourage visitors at that time as i can't handle the extra chaos then.

mornings, I'm GREAT!

so don't worry too much, it's a gradual thing anyway the way the chaos and the overwhelming stuff happens. . . . and those are the times you remind yourself you're not alone and if it gets too loud then figure out a different activity, change of scenery, etc.

the kids seem to know when i've hit my limit because they'll go to the front porch and get in the stroller and wait for me. they know when things get to be too much and it's not pouring down rain, we go walking. the kids are secured and *I* get a break. (and some exercise, lol.)

it's funny. before kids, people used to think I was just so calm and laid back. Now, I bet they'd say otherwise if they saw me with my 'deer in headlights' at 3pm. .. lol I had one heck of a stressful career (worked in traffic and sales in network TV) before kids and trust me, being a parent - WAY WAY WAY HARDER!!!!

I have made a recent agreement with my dh that I'm allowed to 'run away' or he takes the kids away for 1 hour every month. I just need to not be around them for a little while and then I'm good for another month.

BettyAnn
SAHM who's never home d/t medical appts, and 'life' stuff that happens. . . the kids are ALWAYS with me - no matter what is going on.

[GinaRae]

For each family there's a different priority on noise level. SURE kids will always break that, but there will be an understanding of what you expect. I am very sensitive to noise, so I ask for more quiet.

If I am on the phone IT IS QUIET around me or the momster will come out. The boys are old enough to know that.. the baby won't be, but there's a tolerance for babies and toddlers when you're the parent.

We try hard to get the kids to respect our needs for a certain noise level. The boys can now go outside, or go to their rooms and shut the doors. It's harder here than any other house we've been in because this house is LOUD and no carpets makes everything echo.

Don't think for a second that this means we aren't chaotic like every other family! We are. We just have it a bit easier once in a while.

[boogiemonster]

It might be worth noting that the dad you mentioned was screaming at the child. Of course it's noisy in that house...that's what the children are being taught. You're the one in control in your house, and you won't be screaming at your child, so you'll be leading by example. You can also control the TV and background noise. Your home will be what you make it. Don't worry at all.

[LittleLlama]

I was going to say what Erica said about it creeping up on you. Babies start off loud and needy (and stinky) and slowly work their way up to curious, then defiant and so on.