Similar here. My mom was a screamer & verbally abusive.
I often wonder if maybe people who grow up with parents who manage their emotions better learn those coping skills by watching their parents - without even knowing it, kwim?
I certainly didn't learn them by watching my mother! Or my dad who seemed to be just as scared of her as we were
: There were a couple of times I can remember him grabbing her physically off of me & dragging her into another room. But if it was verbal he just let it go. I think with no understanding that I'd have much rather she started hitting me so he'd make it stop.
I'm grateful for having read all these attachment parenting books because I want SO SO badly to break the cycle in my family. My mom is like her mom, etc. My mom's brothers & sisters are just like her. I have one brother who is parenting just like my mom did (and he hates her for it but he's doing it to his kids...
But it's so hard. Some days it is more of a struggle than others. Some days I want to just freak out & scream & scream at someone.
So this is so stupid sounding but I swear it's worked for me all summer (as my daughter gets closer & closer to being two - you know what that means!).
When she is driving me mad in my head I promise myself something. All summer it's been a snocone. (I have a shaved ice machine & syrups here at home). But it isn't always a snocone - it just has to be something you really really love - some great food or chocolate or a book or a bubble bath - whatever works for you.
So in my head I'm saying "If I don't scream/freak/throw anything, then I get a snocone when she goes to bed."
On really bad days I get one at naptime & bedtime.
Sometimes I go a couple of weeks without even having one & sometimes I have one a couple times a day several days in a row.
Anyway - so far that coping mechanism is helping me TONS. I need to think of something else for the winter though because this is Wyoming & I don't like to have a snocone when it's subzero temps outside!
Oh - and my DH works on the railroad - which means he's gone for 1-2 days and then home a day, repeat. I'm like a married single parent for the most part. It's hard to get relief sometimes.