Swimming in "stuff" makes me sick to my stomach

[transformed]

I just cleaned out 4 trash bags of toys and 2 trash bags of trash from my kids room and there is STILL TOO MUCH STUFF in there. :

How much is too much? I had an idea that we would all have 10 toys, that would be 40 toys in the house between us. I dont know if that is realistic. I keep thinking I am trying to deprive my kids when I get rid of toys they claim to like...

I also feel bad because alot of the bags to give to goodwill, I wasnt sure whether to trash it or give it. I am not in a position to "organize" the stuff for the goodwill, Our toys are a huge mess.

I never know whether to throw away mcdonalds toys (I could make a whole bag of what I consider to be "disposable toys" but I dont want to fill up the landfill with the stuff, kwim?)

I have so much stuff to get out of my house, but its an uphill battle. I dont know how to KEEP it GONE.

It just keeps coming in, and I am not sure how!

Ugh, I thought I would feel positive about decluttering but it just makes me feel sick because of all the things I consume that are totally wasteful and needless.

Jenny

PS-Cleaning clutter makes me feel like shutting down.

I just realized this needs tobe in mindful home managment, I am so sorry! (I was thinking "toys")

[Girlsmama]

I have that problem too, it seems like toys find their way into my house all the time, my solution to the problem is that every month my kids all fill up on garbage bag of toys, and we take it to the Goodwill.

I dont know if that helps you!

[BrooklynDoula]

You might also work on teaching your kids about the high cost of junk toys like these. I have worked a lot with my son about the whole process of makig these cheap plastic toys - who makes them, the chemicals, the break-easy factor, the trash they then create - and he is now (5) really great about not wanting these things anymore. He knows I will buy him a few nice toys and so he waits for those and not the trashy ones.

[transformed]

One Trash Bag a Month.... (I am not shaking my head at YOU...I am shaking my head at "US")

I would likley need more than that.

It sounds wrong, doesnt it?

I just decided this morning that I am really really really sick of "freebies." Thats what throws my house over the edge a little bit. (I mentioned the McDonalds toys-and we dont do fast food that often!)

I can cut back on clutter, and that is a huge desire of mine (because of the emotional clutter it causes!!!) But ultimatly, I want to not "consume" all of it at all. I don't even want to entertain the stuff for a month while it sits on my floor.

I feel like its a perpetual coffee party in my home, for junk toys, free stuff, newspapers, magazines, too many books, too much stuff!

Go Home crap! Go Home!

[Storm Bride]

Jenny: We go to McDonald's about once a year (if that). We've decided that we're simply not going to take the toys. The kids have too many as it is, and the toys are generally tied into TV shows or movies that my kids haven't seen, anyway. We just say no.

I'm working on decluttering right now...baby's due any day (official date is Wednesday!) and we need to get this place in shape. Our kids have WAY too many toys. Some of this is because ds1 accumulated a whole bunch over the years, and we never really cleared them out. Some of it is because dd and ds2 are the youngest in the family, and we end up getting all the second-hand toys from my SIL and such.

Decluttering is hard, but it will be worth it. What I do find helps with the "the kids say they love this toy" is to put it away somewhere when they're not paying attention. Wait a while (a week, a month, whatever works) and if they don't ask for it, then get rid of it. I don't feel right about throwing out something they really are attached to, and I really don't think we, as parents, can always tell...so dh and I put the transitory step in place.

Honestly, though...without dh's help, this place would be chaos. I find decluttering to be totally overwhelming emotionally. I'm psychologically geared to be a packrat - don't like to throw out anything that "might be useful" and/or has any sentimental value...and that covers a LOT of ground.

Good luck!

[sunanthem]

I know how you feel. Over the past couple of years I keep looking and looking for ways to cut down on stuff, reuse stuff for new purposes, gift stuff away, and NOT accumulate more stuff.
It's slowly changing your mindset, which I think helps. We rarely go to McD's but I have just started getting the kids food w/o toys. We usely save $ that way too.
Really look at things before you bring them in to your home. Look at those toys from SIL and say, thanks, but your know what? We are all good on toys.
As for the papers/mag. contact as many as you can and get off their lists; what is that website who will help you do that for a small fee and the $ goes to planting trees???
And that other list where you can sign off of credit card offers? its in frugality somewhere.
When changing your mind, see where the stuff is coming from; do you go out shopping with the fam on a saturday? How about using the $ spent there at a place where you can buy a memory like a park, farm, or museum?

We all just have way too much stuff in this country, but ask yourself how much you really need. Once you get down to that idea, look again, and you may find you "need" even less.

And 10 toys per kid sounds like a great amount. They will be valued, easily found and treasured toys that way, and your kids will also have a much better imagination. You could also say we dont get any new toys unless we make them ourselves. Even my 4 yo boy enjoys making wooden toy car kits, but he gets the experience and then the toy!

Good luck, I'm in the getting rid of toys and CLOTHES mode right now, myself.

[transformed]

So how do you all deal with overly consumer family members who always give your kids stuff and think you are stupid for complaining about it?

[Redifer]

Originally Posted by transformed

So how do you all deal with overly consumer family members who always give your kids stuff and think you are stupid for complaining about it?

We've instituted a new rule: If it isn't on the list of needs, or an accepted toy on the list, it either stays at their house or it goes straight to goodwill.

Most of our family thinks we're nuts because my kids are limited to one small laundry basket of toys. Nothing that makes noise. VERY limited plastic. We're in a tiny apartment, for one, so there really is no room; and for two, they just aren't that interested in mass amounts of toys. They get strewn about the room/house while they're looking for their one or two favorite toys.

I've been getting SO sick of schlepping stuff home just to immediately put it in the goodwill bin by the door. It was driving DH nuts that his family would ask what we wanted/needed, then be sure to NOT get anything off those lists and buy a bunch of CRAP we specifically said we DIDN'T want or need.

So, we just told them all: Christmas. Gift cards for the adults. For the kids, we will be sending out a written list in November. Anything that didn't come from the list will be left at their house or go straight to Goodwill, it will not enter my house.

Of course, they didn't like it, but tough. Every year we wind up with more plastic, noisy garbage that breaks in a month than I know what to do with. Literally, I have a mini-van, and after EACH family's house (his grandmother, my MIL/StepFIL, and FIL/StepMIL), the entire minivan is loaded with junk. And I'm supposed to somehow fit all that crap in my teeny apartment?


I'm sticking to my guns this year. I'm going Hollywood bouncer-style: If it ain't on the list, it ain't gettin in.

[sunanthem]

Originally Posted by transformed

So how do you all deal with overly consumer family members who always give your kids stuff and think you are stupid for complaining about it?

I like Redifer's bouncer style, some other things you could also try is to pick maybe one super nice expensive thing you want for your child and express this year you would like anyone who wanted to buy gifts to contribute to this fund to buy the gift together.

Or ask that this year your family wouldn't like any gifts other than to make donations to each person's favorite charity or positive works.

Or ask for a bond or something for their college fund, but people get real bored with that.

[transformed]

I just started a 10 Toys Tribe. Anyone want a challenge?

I want to live like I live on a BOAT!

[Peony]

I found that I have to keep on top of toys or else they get out of control. I keep minimal toys, more then 10 though, and I go through them very frequently. My mom likes to bring small trinkets over for the DD's, so I keep that stuff moving.

[Iris' Mom]

Originally Posted by transformed

I just started a 10 Toys Tribe. Anyone want a challenge?

I want to live like I live on a BOAT!

Oh, man, I wish I could, you would not believe the carload of stuff I through out to get ready for the new baby, and the clutter is STILL overwhelming. I would love to de-clutter, but I just can't stomach throwing all this stuff away. Going forward, I did institute a new rule that he cannot get anything new unless he chooses something to go to the Goodwill, and we only buy toys for b'day and x-mas.

[chicagomom]

It sounds like you're doing great! Just remember it took more than one week to get this way so it's ok if it takes more than one week to clear out.

I think a big part of the problem with having so much stuff is just what you said - it gets disorganized/parts get separated then it can't be played with. And it's hard to justify giving it away because you know two pieces are missing, so you put it aside until you find the missing pieces, and it ends up sitting in your office/garage/attic for a year with all the other partials.

To combat this, I've got a couple of bins with partials and pieces in them - as soon as something is complete, it gets bagged/boxed and moved to another bin or to the "outgoing" box. It's taken a while to get into the groove, but it seems to work pretty well now and I can definitely see a difference.

As for stuff coming in from well-meaning others, I agree with the pp - I won't even bring it into the house if I can avoid it. Our house is just too tiny to live with extra junk, and it really stresses us all out.

[lilyka]

40 toys - this gets hard because you have sets. are sets one toy or does each peice count as a toy. I always start asking my kids "is there anything we can get rid of here?" then move on to "ya know, you haven't touched this in a year" then I start weeding.

mcdonalds toys - first this may be a sign you are consuming to much fast food. just a thought. secondly . ... our local soup kitches collects these (still in the packaging) and fills gift bags for there young guests as a birthday gift. for some it is the only gift they get. they never have enough. If yours doesn't do this you may want to suggest it. if you really want some good karma you can perhaps organize it. also one of our consignment shops take them. each child is allowed to take one home on each visit. it gives them something to play with while their mom shops. and finally good will does like them, at least ours does. they sell them for $1 a bucket again I let my children dig to their hearts content filing up their bucket while I shop. its worth the money and the toys entertain them for a couple of days and then find their way back to Goodwill (also in that bin are random legos, doll house furniture, doll clothes, little people or any random little thing. I htink it is a brilliant idea). So check around town and se who wants your McToys.

thirdly where is all this stuff coming from? I mean once we got stuff out it we don't have to do that much maitainence. every time we get rid of clothes we grab a few clothes and books get gone through once a year. we have a huge amount of paper trash but that is a different issue entirely. I guess my kids don't get a lot of toys etc for Christmas and what they get is generally related to a set they already have. We ask for stuff from sets they have, Cds, books, consumable stuff and clothes. I never take hand me down toys etc unless it something small and goes with a set my children already have. My friend brings bags of stuff to me.

if your kids are spending their allowance you may want to give them less or insist some be put away.

[WuWei]

Ok, we are radical unschoolers and live consensually, so I can not imagine discarding anything of someone else's without their consent. There would be hell to pay, if dh decided I have "too many books", or "too many gardening tools", or "too many plants", or "too much art work", or "too many sewing projects", etc.

I believe that toys are the TOOLS of children's exploration and learning. I don't believe that a toy needs to be used in a set way, nor that I can arbitrarily determine a "correct number" of tools. Dh would agree regarding his "too many tools". Or the "too many music CDs", or "too many DVDs". He'd be screaming if I culled his collections of "stuff".

Ds plays creatively with his many toys. We purchase nearly everything from consignment shops. We buy based upon what brings joy and he delights in the novelty and history of his toys. When I see an interesting toy at a store, ds will frequently refuse and tell me "I already have xyz." Or, "no I don't want that." He is also very generous about sharing them when children come to play. We rarely to never have any issues with "mine", or possessiveness.

I believe we learn to be generous from a sense of abundance, not from a sense of lack. Ds will often suggest "I'm done with this toy. Let's give it to a smaller boy to play." And we do.


Pat

[wannabe]

I can cut back on clutter, and that is a huge desire of mine (because of the emotional clutter it causes!!!) But ultimatly, I want to not "consume" all of it at all. I don't even want to entertain the stuff for a month while it sits on my floor.

I agree - don't let it in in the first place.

[transformed]

mcdonalds toys - first this may be a sign you are consuming to much fast food

.At the moment, we are like twice a week, which is sickening....but I am giving myself a pass because we wouldnt be eating at all if it werent for the fast food at the moment. (Whats better, not eating, or eating crap kwim?)

I believe that toys are the TOOLS of children's exploration and learning.

I dont belive I would have a problem with the toys if I saw my kids playing with them. Ds, 4, doesnt and never has played with toys. He will occasionally, mabye once or twice a montn, pull out a toy and play with it for 15 mintues. But mostly he just plays with random things he finds around the house like-his latest favorite toy is a pipe he found that he runs the hose through.

My mom buys the kids several presents a month...I probably have at least 5-10 new "things" in my home from that.

Plus I get frustrated that the kids dont play with their toys and so I try bringing in new ones to see if they have any interest.

Its maddening. Because they dont play with the new ones either.

[lilyka]

Originally Posted by transformed

My mom buys the kids several presents a month...I probably have at least 5-10 new "things" in my home from that.
.

Oh for mercy's sake. that would drive me freaking nuts. I am all for letting grandparents indulge their grandkids with whatever plastic battery operated crap they think is cool but 5-10 things a month! That has got to end. I would go crazy. no wonder you are swimming in stuff! Could you suggest if she wants to treat the kids that she take them on an outing? Bring supper over? rent a video? I wish I could offer more help there. . .

as for McDs. if you have to eat there, would your kids go for non-happy meal food? if nothing else it avoids the toy. You can still get juice etc with a regular combo meal and the whopper junior meal , or the two cheese burger meal are both about the same price as a happy meal. Thats what we have started doing when we have fast food. if nothing else it eliminates the toy. If they have good toys (like the madam Alexander dolls or real hot wheels) they will get the meal but otherwise . .. . we take a no toy option. you get more food too . . .

[NiteNicole]

I can not imagine discarding anything of someone else's without their consent.

Just wanted to repeat this. My mom would occasionally do a big clean out (interesting to note, she did these big clean outs when she was stressed or needed to be in control) and we'd come home to find loads of our things gone, clothes thrown out, stuff given away, etc. Even tho it probably WAS mostly stuff we didn't use you can't help but see that big empty space where YOUR STUFF used to be. I always felt violated and disoriented and so out of sorts. She'd also just randomly get rid of our bedroom furniture and get new stuff. I never knew what I'd come home to.

Eventually she must've either gotten tired of doing it herself or figured out she was making us all a big pile of nerves because she started including us in the process (and I still love a big cleaning out to this day, and don't hoard things at all). We would do a big clean out-to-garage sale at the beginning of every summer and put the money toward a beach trip, then we'd do another before Christmas to "make room" for the holiday season. I plan to continue something similar with my dd when she's old enough.

A lot of our cleaning out was sort of addressed as "sorting" - ok, let's get all the "sets" of toys together. Where should we put the things we're not using? Ok, what about clothes that don't fit? It's a lot easier to let go of things when you've already put them in a pile and admitted you don't use them.

[Tigerchild]

Decluttering is the fastest way to make my brain totally dewrinkle.

We need to do this, with three kids in various stages of school and very active in other things, we have a crapload of papers and other stuff that piles up quickly. Plus broken toys that no one tells me about until I find it stuffed under a chair or something, ect. I do get satisfaction from cleaning it out (and now thank goodness so do my kids).

But it's so....overwhelming. And tiring. Organization is something that I have to concentrate on, it's not something I naturally "see", so I always feel like I've done a mental triathalon after doing a clutter purge. "/