how do you praise your children?

[schumi]

children have a sensitive heart to respond for anything reflected to him,and surely our prase makes him grow happily,but how do you express your appreciate benefiting himself to your children?just a few words or other gifts when he or she gets a high grade?

[RedWine]

Hi Schumi,

Welcome to MDC!

When my kids work really hard at something, I usually make a comment to the effect of, "wow, I see you're working really hard on this! (I say this in a cheeful tone)" If it's something ornerous but they want to do it anyway, I tell them I'm really proud of them for working so hard.

Grades don't factor into our equation at all. I don't see myself giving out grades for work.

[hsmamato2]

I give praise judiciously,.and with care.By this I mean I don't try to make special time to praise for the sake of praise,b/c then the kids know it means nothing. I've seen it a million times,where a kid is strolling around doing whatever comes naturally,with a parent trailing after,praising endlessly- the kid ignores the parent,b/c he's heard it a million times before...."good job!" "nice work!""so brave!" etc etc.....
My kids know when I'm impressed with something they've accomplished,b/c I let them know exactly what I'm proud of- as in"excellent choice of words for that speech you have to give,I know it's hard for you to speak publicly,but your effort is impressive!"
Hopefully,I'm modeling what I want them to become, giving credit where it's due,and either keeping quiet when it's not,or even(just as naturally) pointing out when they need to expend more effort at a given task.

[reeseccup]

I only give out sincere "praise". I don't say it unless I mean it, and I say what and how it is on my mind. I'm sure they can also read it in my expression and/or body lang. how impressed I am by them, but nothing seems to replace the "wow, you blow my mind on how smart you are" or whatever. I also tend to brag about them openly, which they tend to over hear. I'm very proud of my children and they impress me much, and they know it because I don't give out false praise to anyone.

They don't get anything, grade, sticker or otherwise, I want my children to be proud of their accomplishments, and that pride is their reward.

[Lillian J]

Alfie Kohn makes some thought provoking comments about praise in a couple of articles:
Five Reasons to Stop Saying "Good job!"

More interesting articles of his: Alfie Kohn articles

Lillian

[schumi]

yes,i agree with you all,self-respect is very important for one's live and development,which makes one feel he/she's competent to the world,maybe that's the basic need for anyone.

in China,maybe we can get that praise as you said,but we lose them as we grow up,many times grade's our main factor to judge one's ability,everyone don't want that,but no way.we have to learn strugglingly,to get a high grade then have the opportunity to enter college,a good job,making more money,the way most of Chinese have to take along.however many people feel depressed about that circumstance which's due to our special culture from thousands of yrs ago .

[NoHiddenFees]

Originally Posted by Lillian J

Alfie Kohn makes some thought provoking comments about praise in a couple of articles:
Five Reasons to Stop Saying "Good job!"

Alfie Kohn irritates the (*&) out of me... too shrill and alarmist. Mindset by Carol Dweck was a great read. We used to hardly praise at all (a la Kohn and because DD1 is something of a perfectionist), but since Dweck we directly praise/note effort and make a point of talking about work and process and becoming and it's made a huge difference with DD1. Not long after starting this, she said (and I'm soooo proud) about some needlework she'd just started, "Oh, that's just a beginner's mistake; I'll get better" and continued on. Only couple weeks previous she would have had a fit.

[JamieCatheryn]

Saying thank you for the things I appreciate, and sharing in the joy when he's proud of himself (join his grins, claps, dances, etc with my own). Same as with my husband actually. What do grades have to do with anything? The grade itself is plenty evaluative isn't it? Why add more to that. And this is a homeschool forum, what grades would you be referring to?

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by NoHiddenFees

Alfie Kohn irritates the (*&) out of me... too shrill and alarmist.

Well, you're not the only one - I think maybe he overstates his messages sometimes in print - but he does give you things to think about, which is always a good thing. I must say he got a standing ovation at the HomeSchool Association of California's Home=Education Conference - and I've never heard of that before at any of these conferences in all the years I was associated with them, even though there have been some incredibly moving speakers who've knocked people's socks off. Lillian