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7yo wants "booby" again, ugh...  

post #1 of 21
10/15/07 at 1:29pm
Thread Starter 
Yesterday and a couple of times since being weened at 28 mos, my 7yo wants booby again. "Just a taste," he says, but I am not comfortable with this. So why don't I just say "No, I am not comfortable with that anymore" or something? It seems like the simple answers are never enough these days. His common retort is often "Why? Why? Why?"

I think I also feel a little guilty, that maybe he's wanting it because I weaned him too early, or because I am somehow inadequate as a parent. I try to change the subject, but he is so demanding and persistent. I want to be careful not to shame him.

He's getting big too now, and strong, and keeping him from lifting up my shirt is a struggle.
Any insight out there?
post #2 of 21
10/15/07 at 1:32pm
My 5.5 yo asks sometimes as well.

I just explain that breasts are for feeding children and that my breasts don't make milk anymore so there is nothing to taste. But, that I would love to hold and cuddle if she wants.
post #3 of 21
10/15/07 at 1:39pm
What about expressing some into a cup, and explaining that nursing is for little ones/babies, but that if he wants to taste the milk, he can?

My 6yo is fascinated by my breasts now that I'm nursing our newborn, and if he asked to nurse, that's what I'd offer to do.
post #4 of 21
10/15/07 at 1:41pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by dynamicdoula View Post
What about expressing some into a cup, and explaining that nursing is for little ones/babies, but that if he wants to taste the milk, he can?
.
Exactly what I was going to say!
post #5 of 21
10/15/07 at 1:51pm
I doubt it has anything to do with your parenting. I wouldn't feel guilty! The other suggestions are good. I think this is also a good opportunity for him to learn about boundaries. That he needs to respect your privacy and wishes regarding your body. It's an important lesson IMO.
post #6 of 21
10/15/07 at 1:52pm
My almost five year old asks from time to time, and call me a bad mom but with nursing twins I just don't have it in me.
But she will be happy with me just expressing a couple of sips into a cup.
post #7 of 21
10/15/07 at 1:56pm
Whether or not you're currently nursing a younger child, it's perfectly acceptable to tell you child "no, I don't want to nurse you anymore." Certainly combine it with "we can still snuggle, or talk about when you used to nurse" or whatever else you do feel good about doing with him.

It doesn't matter whether or not other children his age are still nursing. It's your body, and if you're not comfortable sharing it with him in that way then that's it. It's a very good lesson for him to learn about personal boundaries.

Any touch- nursing, snuggling, tickling- is only OK if both or all people involved in the touching want to be touched. Eventually the same will be true about sex.
post #8 of 21
10/15/07 at 2:30pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by dynamicdoula View Post
What about expressing some into a cup, and explaining that nursing is for little ones/babies, but that if he wants to taste the milk, he can?
:

Does it really seem to be the milk he wants, or is it the comfort? If it's the bm, put some in a cup and let him taste, if it's the comfort, maybe you could find a specific way to cuddle him that would fulfill his need? Either way, I'd discuss with him (gently!) that he needs to respect your body/boundaries enough to not fight you/pull your shirt up - he's old enough to understand that, especially if you're meeting his physical/emotional need in a way that's amenable to both of you!
post #9 of 21
10/15/07 at 2:53pm
If he's tugging at your shirt, take both his hands firmly and look him in the eyes and say "it's not appropriate to lift a woman's shirt. Please stop. Thankyou." and let his hands go. If he persists, you're going to have to have a consequence ready.

I say this, because his intention might be based on sexual curiosity; and he needs to know NOW that what he's doing isn't appropriate. Although I wouldn't "jump" to that conclusion yet. Offer to express some, and if he takes it in a cup, then it's just curiosity about the taste of breastmilk. If he asks to watch you express and persists in trying not to take no for an answer, or if he insists that he wants to drink straight from the breast and objects to you saying no to that too, then consider what I said above.

(PS: I just wanted to clarify that I'm not calling your kid a "creep" or anything, I think it's just possible that it's a sexual exploration stage and he's expressing it this way. I hope it didn't offend you.)
post #10 of 21
10/15/07 at 2:58pm
One more thing - no matter what the underlying cause of his curiosity about breastmilk; I can't see it being because you weaned too soon. I don't think you're "at fault" here in any way; nor do I think you should "beat yourself up" over it.
post #11 of 21
10/16/07 at 3:11pm
I say this, because his intention might be based on sexual curiosity; and he needs to know NOW that what he's doing isn't appropriate. Ok I agree with this also. I am not trying to offend but have you thought about sexual exploration? That is about the age most dr's say that kids will sometimes go into exploration with themselves and others? Playing "doctor" and such. I would just be firm and let him know it is NOT ok to touch when the other person is not want to be touched.
post #12 of 21
10/16/07 at 6:08pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
Whether or not you're currently nursing a younger child, it's perfectly acceptable to tell you child "no, I don't want to nurse you anymore." Certainly combine it with "we can still snuggle, or talk about when you used to nurse" or whatever else you do feel good about doing with him.

It doesn't matter whether or not other children his age are still nursing. It's your body, and if you're not comfortable sharing it with him in that way then that's it. It's a very good lesson for him to learn about personal boundaries.

Any touch- nursing, snuggling, tickling- is only OK if both or all people involved in the touching want to be touched. Eventually the same will be true about sex.
exactly, exactly. well said.
post #13 of 21
10/16/07 at 7:14pm
Wow. What a difficult situation. The thing that sticks out to me about your post, OP, is that he doesn't seem to have any respect for you one this particular issue. First, I guess I would talk to him about respecting other people's wishes with respect to their bodies. Then, if you have milk, I would express some into a cup and offer it. That would be the only option he had for getting "just a taste" because I think it is a very important lesson here to teach him (all kids really) that they simply cannot just take what they want from others.

I completely understand that you don't want to shame him about wanting breastmilk. Like I said, I would offer it in a cup. If he persists, I would simply say "You already asked and I already told you no. It is not acceptable for you to just take what you want. You may have breastmilk in a cup. If you don't want that, you cannot have breastmilk." I know it sounds harsh, and a lot of mommas will disagree, but dawg-gonit, it is your body and he is old enough to learn to respect you as an individual and not an object to fulfill his whims.
post #14 of 21
10/16/07 at 9:06pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by veggiemomma View Post
it is your body and he is old enough to learn to respect you as an individual and not an object to fulfill his whims.
yes, that. Learning to respect other people's bodies and to respect other people'sboundaries will serve him well alte rin life, too.
post #15 of 21
10/17/07 at 5:13am
Quote:
Originally Posted by woolywahm View Post
Yesterday and a couple of times since being weened at 28 mos, my 7yo wants booby again. "Just a taste," he says, but I am not comfortable with this. So why don't I just say "No, I am not comfortable with that anymore" or something? It seems like the simple answers are never enough these days. His common retort is often "Why? Why? Why?"

I think I also feel a little guilty, that maybe he's wanting it because I weaned him too early, or because I am somehow inadequate as a parent. I try to change the subject, but he is so demanding and persistent. I want to be careful not to shame him.

He's getting big too now, and strong, and keeping him from lifting up my shirt is a struggle.
Any insight out there?

If it makes you feel any better my 7 yr old weaned at 5 years and she still wants to nurse. I made the mistake of letting her drink some of the milk pumped for the baby and now she wants me to pump for her, to make matters worse I made ice cream out of the frozen milk I needed to use up before it went bad and now she's telling me to go pump and make her some breast milk ice cream! I think its a curiosity thing with them but it could also be a sign there in need of more snuggle time and attention from you.
post #16 of 21
10/18/07 at 7:09am
now she wants me to pump for her

This is my daughter too! I'll just hand express for her and she gets impatient and just takes the few sips in the cup.
I figure she's getting a little boost to her imune system so I don't mind!
If she asks for more I just suggest that if she's hungry we can cook a big girl food together --something fun that she likes to eat, and that usually works too.
post #17 of 21
10/18/07 at 9:52am
I think this was once on Dr. Phil. I think the mom was bf her LO, her 2 yr old, and then her older child (?maybe 6 or so) joined in too. She was letting them walk all over her and she didn't set any boundaries.



I'm with the others. This has nothing to do with when you weaned. This has nothing to do with how you parent.

Shower him with other signs of affection and cuddling.
post #18 of 21
10/18/07 at 11:43am
Quote:
Originally Posted by dynamicdoula View Post
What about expressing some into a cup, and explaining that nursing is for little ones/babies, but that if he wants to taste the milk, he can?

My 6yo is fascinated by my breasts now that I'm nursing our newborn, and if he asked to nurse, that's what I'd offer to do.

That's what I did when my 7 yr old asked to taste it after I had the baby. She didn't like it BTW :-)
post #19 of 21
10/18/07 at 12:49pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rainbowbird View Post
I doubt it has anything to do with your parenting. I wouldn't feel guilty! The other suggestions are good. I think this is also a good opportunity for him to learn about boundaries. That he needs to respect your privacy and wishes regarding your body. It's an important lesson IMO.
I totally agree with this poster. This is an important oppurtunity for him to learn that 1, it's your body 2, you don't feel comfortable about it (and that's totally ok), and 3, VERY important, no means NO.
post #20 of 21
10/18/07 at 5:37pm
DS has been asking off and on lately (DD still nurses). If he asks, I will say no, he forgets how and I won't make milk for him (I did let him try a while back; he weaned a year ago in August) but tell him that we can cuddle if he wants . He doesn't like how it tastes, I think he just wants the closeness, which is why I offer to cuddle him. A couple of times he has tried to just latch himself on but I tell him he cannot do that anymore. He doesn't try that anymore.
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