Wwyd?

[obiandelismom]

I've recently found out that my ds (almost 7 - first grade) qualifies for a full scholarship at a local private school. This school is pretty traditional - it's not at all montessori or waldorf-inspired - very academic, kids in desks, "take out your Geography book now" type school. However, it is bright and cheerful, and since they are private they don't "teach to the test". I have volunteered in the library (to get check-out privileges), and find the kids to be smart and generally nice. Tuition is normally $9000/year : so it's well-funded and has lots of extras. (I can't imagine spending that kind of money on a first grade education, but whatever! )

So here's the thing. I really believe in homeschooling. I think it is so obviously superior to traditional schooling that it's hard for me to believe that traditional schools still exist! But...but... that great interest-led learning that is "supposed" to happen is just NOT happening with my ds! He willingly does the small amount of "school" work that we assign to him each day (about 45 minutes - an hour per day), but he is never interested in doing one bit more than he "has" to. He also does not like to have us work WITH him (as in, instruct him) - he's a bit of a perfectionist, and it seems to be really threatening to him when we judge or evaluate his work in any way. We're working around this now, but I wonder if he might be less stressed about mistakes in a classroom, where less is at stake, and where he can see other kids making mistakes...

I work out of the home 35+ hours/week, and I'm sure part of my stress is coming from not being home to actually see him playing/learning... But I am pretty sure that great things are not happening there. Before we started homeschooling (he was in a play-based kindy last year), he loved science projects. Now he begs NOT to do them - "Mom, I already had science this week. I don't want to do any more!" : His attitude about learning in general is WORSE than it was before we started hs.

And now here's this scholarship that fell into our laps. Would school (a "good" school) really do a worse job with him than it appears my dh and I are doing??

Help??

[Callimom]

It sounds as though it is early days in h/sing for you if he was in a play based K last year. I would suggest that perhaps you haven't had enough time to see your son blossom with homeschooling. Is your dh doing the homeschooling if you are WOH 35 hours a week?

Perhaps I am missing something but I wonder if you think his zest for learning has been affected by 45 minutes to an hour of required work, how do you think it will improve in an academic workbook-type full time traditional school. And if he doesn't like being instructed by you, I'm not sure it would get better if he is instructed full time by a teacher whose primary job is to instruct and then correct him, which will often happen in front of his peers.

Honestly, it doesn't sound like a fit to me - but you know your son and you should make a decision based on what is right for him and for your family.

[Ruthla]

Before I can give any advice, I'd need to better understand how the HSing is working now. Who's with him every day while you're at work?

[obiandelismom]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

Before I can give any advice, I'd need to better understand how the HSing is working now. Who's with him every day while you're at work?

Sorry - I should have included that. My dh is home with him most days, and does math with him each afternoon. However, my DH works part-time, so we have a kind of "homeschool by committe" thing going on now - he goes to my mom's on Monday and Wed mornings and does "language arts" type stuff with her (mostly they play games). On Thursdays he goes to my dad's to take nature walks and play chess. Reading instruction he does on the computer, about 25 mins a day. He comes to work with me Friday for a couple of hours, and we do a little Story of the World, then he watches a couple of Magic School Bus vids.

Does that help?

[Ruthla]

It sounds like you have things pretty well covered schooling wise, but maybe it's a little too much schlepping around for DS? Do you think maybe he'd prefer the stability of being in the same school every day instead of spending time with various relatives? It seems that you have a different adult teaching different subjects, so it's not like things are "choppy" by having Mom teach math one day and Dad teach math another.

I guess you should make a list of the pros and cons of HSing and the pros and cons of private school. Remember also that it's more than just academic subjects- what kinds of values will he pick up from classmates whose parents can afford $9,000 a year tuition? What values are he learning from Mom, Dad, Grandpa and Grandma? Will he start to feel deprived by not having a yacht and a vacation home and all the other material things his classmates have?

[Panthira]

I agree with Ruth on this, although not every kid in an expensive Private School has "super toys" in their families. Probably most do NOT have a yacht or a vacation home.
What does your ds think about the school, if you brought it up to him?

If I was in your situation, I would be just as confused about what to do, but I would seriously consider the school. Would it enhance his love of learning, or dampen it? What sort of enrichment programs do they offer, included in their program? That would make a world of difference in my decision making process...

[elizawill]

i'm not sure what to tell you. we really love homeschooling and don't consider public school an option at all as of now. however, if my child really wanted to attend public school (which i'm not sure if that plays into this scenario or not) i'd definitely consider it. the bottom line is even if you choose to go the private school route - you don't have to have a lifetime commitment to them, yk? if you decided to try it out and your child hates it, you don't have to make him stay there at all and you can return to HS.

however, if you really feel homeschooling is superior to traditional school and you all can make it work as a family....then there in itself lies the answer imo. good luck.

[Emmeline II]

How about taking him for a tour? Let him see the environment, meet the children, etc.

[KoalaMama]

If this wasn't free, would you be considering it? (Assume for a minute you could pay the tuition.) In other words, is the appeal mostly about the education and the environment, or is it about getting something that is assumed to be a good deal because of a hefty price tag? What were your reasons for not sending him to public school? How much of your decision was based on the quality of the school(s) available to you when you made the choice to homeschool, and does this new school answer those concerns (if any)? What things have changed since you made that decision?

It would be important for me to to take the money part out of the equation and determine whether or not I would still send my kid there. Sometimes we get swayed by the FREE sign.

[eilonwy]

I'd consider it, particularly for the continuity reasons that Ruthla mentioned, but I think that KoalaMama also makes some really excellent points. If cash was the only reason you ruled this school out in the first place, I'd definately take the next step (having your son shadow a student and/or tour the school). Is it a good fit for him? It sounds like it could be a good fit for you and your husband, but will your son be happy there? It's definately worth investigating. I'd keep an open mind and look into it (if I thought for a minute that my son could handle any kind of "sit at your desk and take out your book" education ).

[Climbing Rose]

I have never understood the 'free' agument in anything, to be honest.

I had a friend who used to try to get me to go with her to a certain place for "free food" and I was always like, "Yeah, but it's nasty, and I have food at home!" We have an elderly friend who is always giving us 'free' stuff, but 99% is stuff that we have to take to Goodwill.

I think you need to decide about the school on it's own merit, and not think about the free aspect. Otherwise I know someone with a 'free' car you can have... (as in it needs a ride to the dump!)

HSing (now that my DC are old enough to actually do it) is NOT always as great as it was in our heads before we started. But I still think it's best, I still don't personally agree with the instutionial way of school, even when HSing gets a little less-than-great for us. I think school would just bring a new set of issues.

Cost aside, if you just really really like the school, or the idea of school, then that's different.

[obiandelismom]

Originally Posted by Love

HSing (now that my DC are old enough to actually do it) is NOT always as great as it was in our heads before we started. But I still think it's best.

This really spoke to me. You guys are all coming up with such good points, and good questions, and I so so SO appreciate it! My dh is giving me the "Whatever YOU think" routine, and I'm going a little circles in my head over this.

Honestly, if you had told me a couple of years ago that this school was an option, I'd have been thrilled. Even this year, I considered us to be "accidental" hsers, because we had tried to get him into a magnet school. But since making the leap, and reading tons and tons of theory on hsing, and seeing how easily the academics can be accomplished at home, I thought I was convinced that we were doing the right thing... Now this comes along and it's making me question everything. All of the sudden I'm realizing that hs in practice is not looking like it looks on people's blogs! He doesn't seem to be blossoming at all, intellectually, and although the basics are being covered (he's advanced in math and about average in reading), he's not getting as much of the school-y stuff as he would in a classroom, either. I agree that school (especially this kind of school) squashes love of learning. But so apparently are we! It's like we've managed to concoct the worst of both worlds! whimper

I think he would be happy either way. I could definitely talk him into giving school a try, and he would probably like it. OTOH, he loves hsing (mostly for the freedom to play for a good chunk of the day). I asked him tonight what he liked and didn't like, and whether he liked this year more or less than last year (very NOT academic kindergarten), and he absolutely GUSHED about how much he loves homeschooling. But - he's 6 years old! I think at this point it's just the known vs. the unknown, as far as he's concerned.

The point about the "values" of the other kids is a really good one. These people do seem to have some serious money, and although I've met lots of them and liked many, well... rich people are just different. DH said last night, "We'd certainly be the only parents picking up in a 15 year old Maxima!" So there would be some adjusting for us too...

Ugh. I realize I'm rambling, and if anyone is still reading this, thank you.

[Lillian J]

My take is that you're concerned about seeing things happen that really don't tend to be the kind of things that happen with the average 6 yr. old. You say he doesn't seem to be blossoming intellectually, but 6 yr. olds don't tend to blossom intellectually - they tend to be driven to play and to blossom through playing. For some, their idea of play does happen to include learning about things that might fall within that area, but not most. Here's an article that makes some very interesting points - it happens to be about unschooling, but the same ideas can apply to homeschooling in general:
Unschooling: You'll See It When You Believe It. She used to be a teacher, by the way.

My point isn't that it's not necessary to learn the 3Rs and science, but that it's not necessary to be so concerned about formal study of those things at his age. Reading books to him that stir his imagination (even if they're just purely imaginative and fun and not having to do with something he'd be studying in school) doing fun and lesson-free science experiments and casual observations on nature walks, dreaming about the night sky together, observing and predicting the weather - there are so many things that can whet their curiosity and get them to reflecting on things around them all the rest of their lives - and they can quite easily learn more formally about all the traditional "school" subjects in much more breadth and depth later.

He actually might be more likely to blossom if you were to cut back on assignments and expectations and instead have a lot of interesting materials and activities for all sorts of things around the house for him to explore. It might gradually begin to cause a shift in his way of looking at exploration if he could go back to doing more of the kinds of things he was doing last year - and he would still be learning.

As he gets to be a little older, he will quite naturally be curious about new things - but right now, he may still just be drawn to playing and imagining and doesn't really understand why everyone is so focused on getting him to do things that don't seem to him particularly important in his immediate life. My son certainly was that way at his age! He was still in a kindergarten at age six that was all play based, and he was starting to want more meaty things like science experiments - but that sure didn't mean he was interested in learning to read or write or formally study math. When he was seven, he started at a more traditional school and had to get into all that - but if I had been able to put that off, I sure would have, because he clearly wan't ready for it yet. Some are and some aren't - but it really and truly doesn't make a bit of difference in the long run or the big picture. And Einstein, for whatever it's worth, commented that the imagination is more important than knowledge where learning is concerned.

Maybe your stress in worrying about all this while working full time is showing when you approach learning projects - maybe he wants to just play with you and spend relaxed time with you when you're home. He probably misses you - and the last thing he wants is to have his time and attention with you spent dealing with things he's not even interested in. I'm not even talking about unschooling but just about slowing down on academic expectations for his age. I think it's worth a try for the sake of maybe making homeschooling work for your family.

I personally think school at this point - especially a nose-to-the-grindstone one like that - would not improve the situation at all.

Best wishes! Lillian

[dharmamama]

Originally Posted by obiandelismom

But...but... that great interest-led learning that is "supposed" to happen is just NOT happening with my ds!

He's only 6. He's really too young to take on a lot of independent projects. Give him some time. At this age, play is still the most important, interesting, and fun thing in a child's life.

Before we started homeschooling (he was in a play-based kindy last year), he loved science projects. Now he begs NOT to do them - "Mom, I already had science this week. I don't want to do any more!" : His attitude about learning in general is WORSE than it was before we started hs.

And his attitude will improve by forcing him to sit at a desk in a highly academic, top-down, do-this-because-we-said-to-do-it environment?

Honestly, that school sounds like a nightmare to me.

dm

ETA: I read further and saw your son's weekly schedule. I agree with whoever said that it's an awful lot of schlepping around. Perhaps your son isn't blossoming because he's tired or unsettled. If it were me, before I gave up on homeschooling, I would work on creating a more stable environment for my son.

[KoalaMama]

If he loves what he's doing now I would be hesitant to change it to something that sounds like it would be really uncomfortable for him. (On the basis of him disliking 'school work' - moving to six hours a day of it might be a bit of a downer.)

Is there any rush to decide? Will you still have this available to you next year? Maybe you could defer your decision for a while and reassess when he's a bit older.

Honestly, it sounds to me like your homeschooling environment is truly wonderful. I would love to spend my own week that way.

[chaos_pie]

I appreciate Love's perspective above that something that is free, if it doesn't match your values, really is not a good deal. So the question is, what do you value? I can not answer that for you.

Here is another observation, I think it is so awesome how much time your ds can spend with his grandparents. What a huge gift to them all. I really wish my kids could spend more time with their grandparents, it is such a special relationship. That alone would tip my decision ;-)

[Lillian J]

I had to go back to take another look at what he's doing:

...he goes to my mom's on Monday and Wed mornings and does "language arts" type stuff with her (mostly they play games). On Thursdays he goes to my dad's to take nature walks and play chess. Reading instruction he does on the computer, about 25 mins a day. He comes to work with me Friday for a couple of hours, and we do a little Story of the World, then he watches a couple of Magic School Bus vids.

It sounds wonderful to me too - and I think he's doing more than a lot of 6 yr. olds, including those who are in school and are being led through a lot of lessons that they're not really taking into their hearts and imagination. I'd personally let go of trying to squeeze in lessons at every opportunity and start to put more attention into noticing what is - those nature walks and chess, for instance, are going a lot farther in developing his sense of imagination than his academic lessons. He's a lucky little boy. He doesn't need to be learning about history at this point in his life, but playing and using his imagination will go quite far in his later academic pursuits. Lillian