I am really struggling right now... Both my previous pregnancies I had tons of prodrominal labor, got distressed and ended up induced. Now I'm having the same ol' labor pattern, and I just don't believe I will go into labor on my own. I tried to prepare for the likelihood that I would have the same labor pattern again. I begged God and my baby not to put me through that again - obviously they don't give a sh*t (yesterday I contracted all day in any position, got down to contractions 2 min apart 1 min in duration - everything stopped as soon as I went to sleep). I've tried to joke and laugh at myself. But I just can't shake it - I just don't believe I will go into labor on my own. And I am just distressed thinking about another stressful labor due to trying to push my body to do what it obviously does not want to do. I've had crazy thoughts like - I just refuse to do another induction or a c-section, so I will refuse NST and just wait for my body to expel my baby even if I have to wait until the baby dies. Just stupid things to think about... I mean I know I'm not being rational. Women don't just stay pregnant forever. Maybe my issue isn't so much fear of not going into labor, but fear of being disappointed once again. All I'm asking for is to have a healthy labor, birth and post partum and not to need to go to the hospital for anything. That doesn't seem an unreasonable request - and yet, I've had 2 births where I missed out on the whole "homebirth package"... Any fantastic words of wisdom?
post #1 of 33
10/15/07 at 5:14pm