Janessa, please keep us posted... I have been thinking about you and Ollie so much lately, I hope you get some answers soon so that you can go back to enjoying your baby.
As far as PPD... hmmmm. I honestly have no idea if I have it... we have just had so much to deal with that I think a lot of how I am feeling is related to that. The last few years have been so surreal... I can function just fine, but when I actually think of everything that we have gone through it really makes me sad. There was only 14 months between Xiola's birth and Ezra's, so aside from my being physically exausted, we were still very much processing our grief from the loss of our daughter. The first few weeks were especially intense, ds looked *so much* like his sister. I was feeling pretty frazzled then, but I figured that I did'nt have PPD, simply because even when I was feeling my worst, Mike and I could still make each other laugh, and I have read about mamas with PPD who could not get out of bed. Maybe my 'definition' of PPD is faulty?
After Xiola's birth, I was horribly depressed... but I don't know if there is any way that I could determine how much of that (if any) was PPD and how much of that was the very real consequence of losing my child at birth... but then, I could barely feed myself, let alone function in any other capacity.
It's hard, because the first few weeks are such a period of adjustment... and then to have other things on top of that to worry about... Janessa, I think that you are handling the stress as well as anyone could, certainly better then I would. Please take care of yourself so you can take care of your babies. This is definitely the time to get help from anyone who will give it, so you can save your energy for Ollie and Shiah.
I am sooo tired (just now starting to get enough sleep to feel somewhat human), we had supply problems early on and just as we started to catch up from that, I had to go back to work at 6 weeks. My job is okay (with fantastic benes, and Ezra comes in to nurse 3x a day) but I would rather be home with him, but the economy is so tight here still that there are literally *no* jobs in Mike's line of work. I should be happy that we have enough money to feed ourselves, have a nice apartment, good health insurance, and one of us home with the baby... I just wish it could be *me* at home. And it's hard. Especially when he cries when my break is over and he has to go but he wants to stay with me. That is enough to make me want to crawl under my desk and stay there.
Oh, but the smiles... that's what we've been waiting for, and it really does make it all worth it. Ezra is really holding up his head now, and loves to look at the crazy baby in the mirror! He bounces up and down when he gets excited about something, and is starting to laugh and make all sorts of really great sounds. Tummy time used to make him mad, but now he kicks his legs and seems to understand that with a little more practice, he could actually transport himself that way. Oh, and our guilty baby pleasure? The F-P Aquarium Bouncy Seat! It takes 4 D-cell batteries, but it is the only way we can really put him down to make dinner or go to the bathroom. He used to hate it with a passion, but now he allows himself to be amused by the bubbles and fishies for 15-20 minutes at a time before he yells to let us know he is done.
And yes, Maria... you will always be a May Mama to me
PS~sorry this is so disjointed, but I do not have the brain cells left to make a coherent edit