Someone please tell me how to balance 2 or more kids

[mamaveggie]

This is the second time I have been online in the past 2 weeks. Scarlett is a lot more easy going than Lucy ever was, but I still have to chase after her crazy self. I have not been able to get her to take a nap in a week. She is staying up late and still gets up at 6:30am and it is taking it's toll on our entire household. My sister's wedding went off with out a hitch and she behaved beautifully for that, but at home she is a crazy girl. Aside from tying her up , what can I do? I could really use some down time. My mother was over a lot last week and she would nap for her, but not for me or dh.

[HeatherB]

During labor we had trouble with the sink connectors we'd bought... so DH went back to Home Depot and came home with the right connectors and, just in case, a roll of duct tape. I can't tell you how tempting that roll has been in the last two weeks!!

My "middle" DS has been quite the handful. Bedtime is nearly impossible. I know alot has to do with real emotional strain at this point in time - things are turned upside down and he misses his mommy time and he doesn't know what to do with all of the feelings he has.

The good news is that we're now 2+ weeks out and it's getting better! I think right at 2 weeks was the WORST. I've never seen my child behave so badly!! : Now we're *mostly* obeying and he seems like my sweet boy again, instead of... well, let's just say it was bad. The biggest helps have been just focusing on spending time with him - withOUT the baby. I've had several long "talks" with him where we talk about it being hard to be a big brother, that he misses his mommy time, and we even came to the conclusion that he misses his "mommy milk" (nursing). Helping him vent his frustrations and letting him know it's okay has definitely helped (and did with my 1st DS, too, at this stage). And then just finding time to play with him, snuggle, etc. With hands full of baby, sometimes it's hard to have time to do *positive* things - something other than simply telling him what to do or not to do. But the more happy/playful/snuggling/etc time I find, the better he copes.

Also, now that we're past 2 weeks we're doing more "normal" stuff - which is one thing I encouraged him about. We've picked him up from school today, we've gone to church as a family, we've gone to the mall and the bank, etc. He's starting to really understand that the baby is just part of our everyday lives - and that life WILL go on much like it did before baby.

Oh, and my DS definitely has been doing better for others, too! I really think it's directly related to the turmoil at home, and therefore it's directed more at us. Sigh. Ain't that fun?

But let's just remember - it will get better! And there's always duct tape just in case.

[levismom]

I was talking to a fellow doula friend of mine about the upcoming transition and she said, "Imagine if your husband brought home another wife...." and that really helped me to understand how DS might feel and gave me more compassion for him in the upcoming trials. I KNOW he is going to be a little crazy, but that idea helps me understand how challenging it might be from his perspective too. I don't know what I'm going to do once my mom leaves! I'm frankly just hoping she'll still be here when the baby comes at this point.....:

Good luck to you and keep the tips coming mamas!! I'm eating them up!
Cheers,
JJ

[mittendrin]

Originally Posted by HeatherB

so DH went back to Home Depot and came home with the right connectors and, just in case, a roll of duct tape. I can't tell you how tempting that roll has been in the last two weeks!!

I just thought about duct tape this morning. it IS a tempting thought. For now I have separated the two screaming beasts into different rooms.

Honestly, I have no advise. I don't know how I am going to handle it. Please, please, I'll gladly labor for 3 days if I get rewarded with 3 kids that get along....

[jrayn]

my dd has been a nightmare!!!!!!! I hope that 2 week rule will apply here too :

[2bluefish]

It gets easier! DD was soooo hard, so high need, so fussy. So ds felt so much easier by comparison. I think what helped is I just didn't have any expectation of getting anything done but changing diapers. We had rough patches - mostly having to do with dd turning 2 and not being as cooperative as she had been the 2nd year. I also learned to let go of DD and not try to keep such a tight rein, and to let her go spend time with MIL so I could get a break. (MIL lives 4 hours away, so we are talking 4-7 days at a time.) Now that ds is in the second year, he is such a breeze - it just astounds me how good he is. The only time he ever cries is if he bumps his head. DD is still a challenge - I have a feeling that's just the way it's going to be with her.

Do you just go to bed with baby when you are ready? Maybe I was just lucky, but I always just went to bed with baby, turned off the light, and went to sleep. Both babies were happy as could be as long as I was holding them. I figured I was just leading by example - teaching them when to sleep. Down the road I worked on getting them to sleep more independently. For a few months, ds took his naps in the swing. There was a very specific procedure - I had to swaddle his arms and give him a pacifier with the blanket tucked, so that it wouldn't pop out. Maybe someone else would say I should have had him in the sling with a boob in his mouth, but I figure you do what you got to do - the swing worked and I got to rest too.

[EineMama]

It is called surrender....

[naturalthinker]

Bribery starts to come into play at a certain desperate point: "you get to watch a half hour of noggin, and after that you go straight to bed, lie down and go to sleep. If you don't go to sleep after, then you don't get to watch tv (or do other favorite activity) tomorrow.

Threats also come into play: "if you don't lay down right now, be quiet and rest, you will start to loose your privileges. If i have to come back, i will take away the music, then i will take away your stuffed animal, blanket and then your pillow...." (my kids do not have a particular affinity for any one blanky or object, and if they did i don't know if i'd ever threaten to take that away).

I have also set limits such as 'you need to stay in here until the timer goes off' etc. and employed the use of door gates/locks.

Some of these sound draconian, but if it is a matter of sanity and safety (for all) vs. anger, mayhem etc, the benefits might outweigh the ideals.

[gypsyfaery]

Originally Posted by EineMama

It is called surrender....

Or madness, whichever you prefer!

I remember it being very difficult with #2 for awhile but suddenly we all seemed to get into a groove and everything smoothed out. The behaviour issues were only in the first few weeks and were very understandable and therefore easier to manage. Hang in there though some days are harder than others. Find friends/family to help you have both one on one time with each child but for yourself too.

[mamaveggie]

Thanks for the support. Some days are getting better. Yesterday dd refused to take a nap agin, but then fell asleep at the table while eating lunch so I let her be. Today she is being great, so hopefully we are crossing that bridge.