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Originally Posted by Devaskyla
 I would love to be able to have that kind of problem solving conversation with him. I've honestly tried. Every time I try, it goes something like this 'What do you think would help you be able to do x (stop jumping on the bed stop hitting your brother, whatever it is)" Every single time the answer I get is either "Hit me" or "Punch me in the face" or something similar. This is a child who has only ever been spanked once in his life (not even going to get into his cowering and saying 'don't hit me' when dh or I get angry, especially in public).
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I'm wondering if there is a payoff that just isn't obvious to you? I'm asking because kids never do stuff for NO reason, it's just usually reasons that make TOTAL sense to them but not necessarily to us. It sounds like somewhere along the line he has learned that this gets him....something. I know I used to just sputter over ds's seemingly INSANE behavior, but deep down I knew it must make some weird, twisted sense to him.
This also reminds me that kids sometimes feel compelled to "balance" things out in a household. My xh was soooo tense, and I believe ds took it upon himself to break the mold as it were.
Temperament may be a big factor too, esp if you and he are very different or very alike.
Hang in there mama...
