Crazy thoughts about a homebirth

[GinaRae]

I've had these weird feelings and thoughts coming today since the beginning of the home visit.

It's humbling having someone come to quietly evaluate the house and space. It's hard feeling like my housekeeping or my house is good enough.

And I feel almost shy or put-out by having people come in when I am going to be in labor. Is that weird? I've never birthed on my turf before! Makes me wish I was strong enough to UC.

It's just odd for me at this moment to invite people into MY bedroom, you know? To get to the knitty gritty in my intimate and comfy place.

Am I being a weirdo?

[Hezzy]

I haven't done it before, but it seems to me that birth is an incredibly intimate act, and the nudity is only a part of that. I wonder if some people prefer an out-of-home setting because it doesn't feel quite so intimate. I thinking being in your home, where you are comfortable, adds a deeper level to it. You're going to have these people in your personal space where you are most primal and open. That happens in a hospital birth too, I'm sure, but, I don't know - I guess I think I understand what you're saying.

[Curlita]

Yeah, now that I think about it, there is something to be said for neutral territory. I ALWAYS feel self-conscious when people see my place for the first time, and spend a lot of energy seeing it through their eyes. I'm sure your MW will be evaluating it from a logistical standpoint, though, rather than a judgmental one.

[Isaac'sMa]

Well, Gina, we all know you're a weirdo! J/K I don't think these are weird things to be worried/anxious about. Seriously, I think most women worry about that stuff generally when they have company (lest we feel judged!) and inviting someone into your most intimate room at one of the most intimate times of your life just intensifies the feelings!

These MWs we have all hired are going to have their faces mere inches from our crotches! The only thing I can tell myself that helps me relax is that they've seen it *all* before and chances are they've seen worse, much worse than what they'll see at my house! Well, it makes me *feel* better anyway!

[Kontessa]

Oh goddess do I understand this! I have not even un-packed most of the house and I have no plans too. Did I mention we choose to try simple living and gave away most of our house hold items? The kids though have lots and make a mess. Still, the walls have little on them. I have not really made every room home here and no energy to do so.

Still I know they understand I am pregny and things will not be clean.


ONLY before my home visit they went to a friends house who is due little after I am and she is well off, where as we are a poor military family. I felt a little funny about that but in the end the midwives loved my set up and how thoughtful it is. And as other mutual friends have told me, they learned to, not all the glitters is gold.

I will say that FRG (Family Readyness group) called me to see if they could stop by and bring anything. Funny, they never called before now. I told them I am fine and yadda and yadda and no company is welcome. I am pregnant and feeling weak and the last thing I want is strangers coming by. I would invite any of you ladies in a heatbeat, but not strangers.

I am paying the midwives what to me is a lot of money to have a comfy birth. I will hope I can make my room just a little more comfy for me but really I need not worry about them as this is their job and I trust them to do it.

[lisalulu]

I worry that in early labor instead of resting I am going to be running around the house making sure its clean-not because I don't think they'd let me stay but I just have this thing about the house being really clean when people come over.

We just moved into our house in July so I don't have any strong feelings toward my bedroom being an intimate space yet. I can see where you are coming from though especially considering you've had a few bumpy times with one of your mw (or is it both I can't remember?).

I do find it kind of weird that both the doula and the midwives are talking about making hot water on the stove to keep the birth pool warm, starting the laundry (sheets,etc),making sure everyone is fed and starting the sitz bath brewing before they leave. Someone else using my pots and things in the kitchen kinda weirds me out now that I think about it-I don't know why its just the stupid kitchen. I'm sure I'll change my mind during or after the birth

[amylizpat]

I know exactly how you're feeling! It's a pain to keep my house in order ALL THE FREAKING TIME in these last couple of weeks (especially with the daycare kids running around). I'm usually semi-neat but making sure the laundry is kept up and the floors mopped and vacuumed is exhausting me. I know my midwives honestly don't care, but *I* do. Sigh.

[SusannahM]

Lisalulu, that's exactly what I did at my last birth

I wouldn't call the midwife until things were picked up and the kitchen was clean. I think part of it, though, was that I just didn't want the midwife there until the end, since things were going just fine and I didn't feel like I was in imminent danger of giving birth. I also was a little hesitant to wake her up in the middle of the night. We finally called, and I still had 3 1/2 hours of labor left once she got there. Wish I'd waited a little more, actually, it was nice laboring alone

[Apryl Srissa]

This was one of the 'cons' in our decision to use our birth center. I am super private in our house. I really don't like people in here unless I am comfortable with them, and NO one goes in our room, other than with invitation, and it's still rare (we've lived here over 7 years, my mom has been in there only a handful of times). I just can't imaging having strangers in there. If my water breaks quickly and I have her unassisted, my room will be great. Otherwise, she'll be arriving elsewhere lol

[GinaRae]

Well, I am glad you mamas understand!

I wish I had a guest bed/bathroom.

I have considered having the babe in my eldest son's room! If it was close to a bathroom, I just might do it. And he would probably sleep through it all

Really, I don't know how I will feel in labor, but I hope to be able to ask the MW to step out for a bit and relax in the living room while I spend time with Alex. That could change! But I think that's what I will be asking for when I am laboring. Just quiet time alone in my room with my husband.

[Mahre]

When DS was born I lived in a tiny cabin. Our garage was bigger than our cabin. The only place the birthing pool fit was in the bathroom. So our midwives had to walk to the bathroom in the horse barn through the snow to get to use the potty themselves. It was very sad! I am embarrased now, but I didn't care then. I just wanted to get the baby out!

[GinaRae]

Okay, and I feel bad that the paint is peeling on the ceiling in the bathroom they will use?!

[AKmomof2+1inNov]

Well, if it makes you feel better I let the kids help me paint my main bathroom because we're going to remodel it anyway. The kids were barely 2 and 3.5 at the time, so that means I have red paint on the floor, in the sink, on the toilet, in the tub, and a little on the walls! And since we're doing wainscoting up half the walls I let DD focus on under that mark. It's so pretty That was like a week before I found out I was pregnant and I haven't touched it since. (well other than clean it).

[Da WIC Lady]

I don't think I could homebirth here. We're getting ready to move and I don't want to make it harder to leave than it's going to be. Besides, this place is a wreck and I don't like people in my bedroom. It's my sanctuary. I do plan on laboring at home as long as possible though and spending lots of time in my big, deep bathtub.

Anna

[LittleBrownDog]

Originally Posted by GinaRae

Really, I don't know how I will feel in labor, but I hope to be able to ask the MW to step out for a bit and relax in the living room while I spend time with Alex. That could change! But I think that's what I will be asking for when I am laboring. Just quiet time alone in my room with my husband.

I mentioned this to the MW that did my home visit- I said that I'd like my bedroom (where the pool will be) to be just for me and DH, my safe zone. I was thinking more about keeping MIL and DD out, but she said that if that is what we wanted, they would stay out too unless we specifically asked them in or if I was, like, pushing or something! Might be worth mentioning!

We have a cleaning lady coming on Monday and I am SO hoping I go into labor Monday night while everything is still sparkling!

[renaissanceed]

I know that feeling of wanting the house to be clean and tidy when people come over. Last time was so much easier since I had no kids to tidy up after - I just had to worry about the cat puke situation (easier now since the primary cat offender has passed on and the secondary cat offender is now relegated to a room by herself since she absolutely will not tolerate the other 2 cats).

However, that being said, once I was in labour, I didn't care how the house looked or who was there, I just needed to focus on me. In fact I had my eyes shut the whole time and didn't even really notice the MWs during labour.

It is only after labour that I think I perhaps panicked a bit about the state of the house. I still remember having an incredibly animated conversation with the second MW who was only there for the pushing (OK so that was 4 hours but still...) about the house and how old it was and what renovations we'd done to it. I think I was trying to convince her that it was acceptable as she saw it, since she didn't know us or anything about us or our house, which is ancient - 115 years old - and in very rough shape when we bought it. Fortunately she only saw the upstairs which is the part we had gutted and renovated.

The second MW is now our primary MW and I keep asking her questions about whether or not it's OK that DH has destroyed my kitchen and whether she minds that our beds are mattresses on the floors (worried about her back). She laughed about the kitchen - letting me know she didn't even see the kitchen last time - and said the mattresses are fine.

Well this has certainly turned into a novel. I guess I'm just hashing out my feelings about this. I'm not concerned about her being in my private spaces because I like her a lot and trust her, as does DH. And I know she will understand about toddler messes as she has 4 kids of her own. But I also know that I will still need to keep the house as tidy as possible in the days and weeks leading up to the birth.

[Momma Aimee]

gina -- not werid at all

I haven't done it before, but it seems to me that birth is an incredibly intimate act, and the nudity is only a part of that. I wonder if some people prefer an out-of-home setting because it doesn't feel quite so intimate. I thinking being in your home, where you are comfortable, adds a deeper level to it. You're going to have these people in your personal space where you are most primal and open. That happens in a hospital birth too, I'm sure, but, I don't know - I guess I think I understand what you're saying.

speaking as someone who TOTALLY supports HB, but would NEVER hb .. that is part of it.

I think the "house full" would negate -- for me -- the "bonus relaxtion" of being home...... sure it is my shower, my space, my safe zone .... but the oddity of the others being there .... well i personally would feel i have to be hostess to the mostess, is the bathroom clean, where is the extra TP, do we have water cold to offer and then there is the meal time thing, or the oh my god they've been her 8 hours thing ..........see if I go somewhere then I can be taken care of as the guest, catered to or what have you .. and i can feel "right" expecting it ... I do not feel "right" expecting to be taken care of in my own home, unless it mom or DH and even then I can't stop my mind (need to run diswasher, is there more trash bags under that one in case mom takes it out...)..............................

so i think that he "strage fdeeling" of having these people in your home, in your bedroom -- is perfectly normal.

Heck tomorrow for the FIRST TIME EVER I am paying someone to clean my house (our 13 yo mother's helper) adn I am FREAKED -- I can't believe someone else is gonna see my mess. I feel like i should clean before she comes to clean ::