almost to oregon...

[chrysalis]

hi all...i am now in washington state. we are in a hotel. this one happens to have a computer as well...yay!

all is well-tired of sitting in the uhaul truck...i get so sore and uncomfortable...and i'm so tired. megh doesn't nap in there and i just can't seem to get comfy enough to sleep while on the road. sigh... i am now 35 weeks. the past 2 days baby has been thumping around my cervix and rectum and its so uncomfortable. walking is next to impossible between that, the pressure of him there so heavy and my pants not wanting to stay up.

other than that, i suppose life is good. not sure how i can get meghan to stop hitting and being rude to me. i tell her it hurts me and hurts my feelings and yet she continues to act so rude. i'm sure she is confused and hurting...as she was in minnesota living w/ tom...maybe she is mad at me somewhat as well...??? or maybe i just haven't done something right and she has gotten the wrong message...contradiction of parenting styles on my part, maybe...? :its really breaking my heart. i do not know how to stop this. anyway... we should arrive in central oregon tomorrow night. i'll log on again then to confirm we are THERE. i feel like this baby is going to be born by 38 weeks...just seems so active, so heavy for so long that he will come sooner than later...we shall see. hopefully not before i get to oregon. mama and her boyfriend have a condo set up for megh and shea and i to live in. i think i've nailed a middle name for him... sheamas bodhe. pronounced bo-dee. i will have to look up the meaning of it cuz i think its something spiritual and interesting...i can't wait to meet him.

as for tom...he's called my mom's boyfriend a few times asking where my mom is...boyfriend told him to talk to him (boyfriend) and never mind talking w/ my mom...didn't say where she was (with me en route to oregon) and tom only talked of how he can't believe i moved out in the time i did (within an hour and a half) and how i'm just about money and how i don't discipline meghan and blah blah blah...blame blame blame. nothing about how sorry he was for how crappy he treated us plus the baby cuz if you think about the stress *i* felt/feel, it affects his son too...jerk off. nothing about how are we all doing...how is megh, how is lis, how is sheamas...nothing about any of those things...all about blame and excuses and assumptions. jerk. it hurts, ya know...i hear that new avril lavine song 'i miss you' or 'without you' or whatever its called and oh man i start crying. so i won't listen to that one then. : i'm just glad i'm going to oregon. its so darn beautiful in central oregon!!! and so much more for meghan who i unschool and who needs more friends on a daily basis...i think part of her frustrations is also how isolated we were in MN...not many like minded mamas and kids there in our area...

anyway mamas...i look forward to settling into our new condo mama rented for us and birthing there as well as seeing what is up with all of you. love to you all...more soon.
love,
lis

[melissakc]

Oh, thank you for the update! I have been thinking about you! I'm so glad you are AWAY!

[chrysalis]

[GinaRae]

Perhaps your dughter IS reacting to leaving Tom, but it's only going to be temporary once you can settle her into a better, more stable life. Often kids that come from terrible abuse are angry at the CPS workers that took them away because that abusive home was what they knew and there was some safety in what they knew.

She will be able to work with you on coming around to better behavior and respect once she can settle in. It will be a long road, especially since a new baby is coming, but it's better for all in the end.

[Heather Marie]

Lis-

Thanks for the update. I have been wondering if you were nearing Oregon. I am sure once you get settled Megh will start feeling more settled. Maybe just give her some time to adjust to all the changes of moving and the new baby.

Maybe it would be better to ask your mother and her boyfriend to not convey anything Tom says back to you. It sounds like he is still grasping at trying to control the situation. You just need to keep looking forward mama! You are starting a beautiful new life with your two kiddos.

[Googy]

Give Megh some time. Her reaction is very common. The kids I used to work with who were abused would have happily gone back home to get beaten by their mothers and fathers if they were allowed to. It took them a long time to realize that these people they loved were hurting them and that this is not OK. You may want to look into counseling for her once you get settled, just to help her through the transition. Also, check in with the single parenting board here on MDC if you haven't already--I'll bet those mamas have lots of great advice.

[MamaHippo]

So glad you are away and on your way to independence, so you can finally focus on YOU and your kids and not on Tom. Thanks for keeping all of us posted - we worry about you!
Hang in there, youre almost there. Don't give in, no matter how sad the songs make you or what he tries to say to patch things up. you know in your heart whats best for you and your kids.

[De-lovely]

If you coudl feel this big ole squeeze, Lis I am so proud of you I cant hardly stand it. I am mostly tahnkful you are safe and have your mama to support you....its wonderful even when it feels otherwise.

[Curlita]

Lis, if it makes you feel any better, my son is going through a hitting phase too, and he hasn't had near the turbulence lately that Megh has. She's going through a lot of transition, and being on the road is probably even harder on her. She feels secure with you, so she takes it out on you. Once you get settled and she gets used to the new stability, things will probably improve.

Hugs to you and hugs to your mom for all her help! I know that any of us would do the same thing that she is doing to help out our own babies, but that doesn't make her any less remarkable!

[renaissanceed]

Thanks for the update and wow, I can't imagine spending that much time in the car at this stage of the game.

PPs have some great suggestions with respect to Megh and I do think that once you are settled in Oregon and have your mama and find some like-minded unschooling mamas for support, that she will gradually come around, although counselling is not a bad option. I'm sure this is hard on all of you, but you are so very strong to have come so far and I know you can make it through what lies ahead.

All the best as you finish your trip and settle in!

[*Lindsey*]

I've been thinking of you, Lis. I'm so glad you're almost there!

[Avani]

Just don't listen to him and go back! I was in your exact shoes this exact time of the year just last year. Pregnant and leaving an abuse relationship. It was so hard and my one year old daughter acted out on me by hitting and being really out of hand. I felt like i was dying, i was so overly emotional and so close to giving birth. Never doubt that what you are doing is right for you and for these kids. He may never change and don't let him sweet talk you into thinking otherwise. And he will try to manipulate you back, he wil sweet talk you and he will probably guilt you too. I ended up going to 41 weeks even with the insane stress i was under and i had a wonderful birth even though i was totally alone with 4 little kids. Now my son is going to be one on the 26th and he is perfect, even without being raised by a dad. He doesn't know his dad and i am thankful because to this day his dad is still trying to manipulate me back to him and guilt me back to him and it is nearly a year later! I am 900 miles from him thankfully. I never went back.Just keep going forward, you have a chance to start over without abuse in you and your kids lives.

Also, Bodhi is the name of the tree that the Buddha was sitting under when he became enlightened.

[xelakann]

As a proud Oregonian, Welcome!!

If I had know you were coming I would have asked the rain gods to spare you this weekend, but alas, it's a bit stormy. I am not sure how central Oregon will be, but I know the mountains have been getting snow. Safe travels.

P.S. I am a late joiner to the Nov due date club, so I never commented before on your posts... but I just wanted to say how much I admire your strength. You made a tough decision and though things will be up and down for a while, you did the right thing. Big hugs!

[Isaac'sMa]

THanks for the update. You must be happy to finally (almost) be there! I am so proud you left--what a hard decision, but the right one for all of you. I'm sure Megh will feel better once you are settled in and she feels like the transition is over. You're a great mama, esp. for all you have done for her and Sheamas.

[StacieM]

Lis: this has been a long journey. I can only imagine how uncomfortable you must be on the road. Be patient with Megh. Continue to let her know how you feel about her behavior and be sure you are consistent in letting her know it's not appropriate or acceptable, but this is a big transition for her as well. She will have an adjustment to make and she will probably test/challenge you during that time. I know that's NOT what you need right now as this is huge change for you and a time of transition in general with the new baby coming and you do have a LOT on your plate that you are dealing with right now. Hang in there and take care of yourself. You're doing so well. I hope baby stops putting pressure on all those uncomfortable places. I had a day like that yesterday and I did not even feel like standing because it hurt. Take a look at the beautiful sights you see in Oregon and let them lift your spirits. We're all thinking of you.

[sorteep]

continued hugs and prayers to you ... thanks so much for keeping us posted! hang in there with Megh, I ma sure she is confused and worried, as you settle, so will she...

[GooeyRN]

I'm glad you are almost there!!!