Originally Posted by Storm Bride
Why the dad? Why is it okay for a mom to dictate her daughter's appearance, and force her into a mold she's not comfortable with? I get just as much sense of ownership out of that as I do with a dad. I find parents of either gender who have that much emotional investment in their children's appearances a little "off", to be honest. (It still bothers me less than a woman who will circ with the stated reason that she wants her son to have "a pretty penis", though.)
True! It's just as controlling when a mother does it, and just as harmful. I'd just heard that most sexual abusers feel they "own" the women in their family, so it seemed like it might be -- well, not necessarily a "red flag" for sexual abuse in a man, I'm sure there are lots of men with this "ownership" attitude who are not pedophiles --
But it would still be a concern for me, if I knew one of dd's friends had a dad who acted like his dd was his personal property (I'm not talking about overprotective dads, but dads controlling appearance and the like -- and to clarify, not dads who don't want their daughters wearing too revealing clothes, but dads who want their dd's to "look" exactly how they want them to look).
Yeah, it's sick if a mother's like that, too. As I've said, I have to know people pretty well before my child plays in their home. And I understand what Storm Bride said about abuse usually happening with people the parents know and trust.
One thing that might help is that we don't leave our children with anyone besides dh or me until they express a readiness to be away from us. Our oldest was close to 4, and very verbal, when she reached this stage. And she had a good understanding of what body parts were private.
And at 4, she still wasn't separated for more than a short playdayes. She didn't feel comfortable staying overnight at a friend's until just recently (at 7) -- and of course she'll always
know we're available to come pick her up from anywhere anytime she wants to come home.
Our youngest, at 2 1/2, still hasn't expressed a readiness for separation, so we haven't left her with anyone yet.
|That doesn't "kind of" weird me out. That's downright creepy.