Hurting DS 1 feelings....What to do?

[Hippiemommie]

This transition has been really hard on DS. I see the hurt and confusion in his eyes and it's breaking my heart. The house is a disaster and I feel like I'm constantly yelling at DS when that isn't my style at all. I would yell (usually something dangerous was involved) maybe once a week before and I've done it 3 times already today. I would just go and take whatever the object or redirect him but now with DS2 on my lap I can't do that. He is also acting out some feelings in angry and destructive ways. He took an entire bottle of chlorophyll (mint green flavored) and sprayed it all over the walls, Miller's clothes, the crib, my mattress, my snoogle pillow and a number of other things. None of the stains will come out and it was "out of his reach". He climbed the dresser, into the crib and onto another dresser. I'm at a loss what to do, I don't want to hurt DS at all, I love him so much. How do I handle this?

[candyapplez]

Is there anyway you can have special time with him? Even if it's just to read a book and cuddle. A few minutes here and there. I wish you the best of luck. It's a huge transition.

[Banana731]

I am so sorry this must be hard for you to deal with right now. (I would be really angry about the chlorophyll too though!) Just hang in there mom, it will get easier...

[Free Thinker]

This was the hardest part of going from one to two. My DDs are 21.5 months apart, so about the same age difference as yours. My older one was also one that wanted LOTS of attention. Please know that it WILL get better, it'll probably take you a couple of months for things to settle down, but that's okay. Some things that I ended up doing:

1. The new baby just didn't get as much one-on-one as the first baby did. I'd put her down and let her sleep instead of slinging/holding her. I also used the bouncer seat much more, but then I could interact w/ both of them at the same time without baby on my lap. Give the older one some time on your lap, too. He's still a baby!

2. Nursing, I know we are supposed to nurse on demand, and I completely agree w/ that. But, with my first every time she cried I popped the boob in her mouth, the second child I sometimes tried other things instead, like just talking to her, slinging, bouncing, ect. Durring nursing times I'd start a movie for the older one, she'd just started kinda watching TV at that age. (and no I'm not a big TV advocate, but we are talking survival here!). Also keep a snack and drink out for the older one when you nurse, just make it a habbit to have him a snack incase he asks.

3. Give the older one specific ways to help you do certain chores and let him know how much you appreciate it. He can bring you a burp rag, diaper or even just make faces at baby while you change diapers. Giving him a 'job' will keep him more occupied and out of trouble.

That's all I've got! I know it's hard, but like I said it does get better. I remember crying and I know several other moms who say the same thing, it's hard b/c you now have to spread yourself between the two kids, and still manage the house and all that. I remember nursing baby in she sling and wiping the other one's rear! UGH! Poor baby was barely hanging on, my boob was streatching and the toddler was making a mess! It happens, but it will be over before you now it! My two are now 2 and 4 and the best of friends. Try to look at what this new baby will BRING your DS, and not what the new baby has taken away from him. It's hard to see that in the beginning, but in a few short months you will see the bond between them grow and know that they have a special gift of having a sibbling

[2bluefish]

The 3 tips Free Thinker gave pretty much covered it! It was a little hard for me not to resent dd for being so high need and not letting me spend the time with ds that she demanded when she was a baby. But I realized he is a different child and is as happy as can be - he hasn't suffered. Yelling is hard - I yell way more than I like; it seems sometimes like dd won't listen unless I raise my voice. But I did find that whispering when I feel like yelling sometimes works well. DD will settle down in order to hear what I'm saying. Good luck!

[wildgarden]

No words of wisdom, just love for you. I know I will most likely be in the same situation soon.

[J-Bean]

I can say that it will get easier and that's not too helpful. But really, as your hormones settle and you adapt to the new demands, your yelling and frustrations will decrease dramatically. And suddenly things will start to feel normal. I suddenly started yelling and reacting to me DD (22 months at time of birth just 5 weeks ago birth) daily until about 1-2 weeks ago. I think alot of it had to do with sleep depravation on my part, having no help around, and the screaming she was doing (totally age appropriate) was making my head split. I felt like a split personality--part angry mom and part guilty. Take good good care of yourself right now and that will truly help things a lot. And the other suggestions given are all beyond helpful! GOod luck mama!