Any Mamas w/ infants?

[BlueMoonBean]

I saw the thread for the mamas with toddlers, and I was wondering if anyone else had a little one under a year?

My daughter Nora is 9 months and will be almost 18 months when this babe is born. I've never had a gap that close before, and I would love to get support & input from mamas who have either had that small of a gap before or are having babes that close (or closer ) now.

I'm still in shock over the surprise BFP, but I'm thinking there's a whole new set of issues, both practical and emotional, in having two little ones so close... tandem nursing, two in cloth, three in bed... and so on. If anyone has any tips or ideas, I'd love to hear them!

[BirthFree]

We had our first two just barely 18m apart. It was really wild but mostly b/c my oldest has cerebral palsy and we still didn't know at that point and he didn't talk until he was past 2 years old and was otherwise delayed. Anyways... it was about the time our second was born that we were going through the testing to figure out what was going on so some of our life then/memory is of that as well. Add to it that I only have had babies that scream to start and our experience wasn't the best.

But their age gap is awesome. I really love it actually. They are the best of friends (and enemies ) and really go so far in entertaining one another in a very age-appropriate-play kind of way. I really like that.

My tips? Don't expect too much of yourself. I see that you have older kids so they will really help. I didn't have anyone to hold the older one's hand so we worked on "wait for me, stand RIGHT HERE. Touch Mama's leg, don't let go" and I'd reach in for the baby and could tell if DS was still there by his touch on my leg. We also worked on "when the timer goes off I'll help you" so that I could have time to nurse the baby and they had an auditory display of when it was "their turn" to get their needs met now. But while the timer didn't go off yet, it was baby's turn. Lord knows that during nursing time I felt most helpless to keep the house from destruction so I kept all of our babyproofing and had a special toy-box for nursing times - for the older one.

I think I'll do similar stuff this next time for us as well here.

[lab80]

Ours will be about 20 months apart. DS will be one year on Friday

My sister and I are 18 months apart and we were pretty close growing up and are still pretty close now. My parents said she was always really protective of me, but I think that's true with all older siblings.

I wanted our kids close together so they could be close like I was with my sister growing up. DH wanted kids close together so we could have a big family, but I think 2 may be it for me. That's how I feel right now about it.

[momma2be]

I posted on the other thread, but since there's one just for infants now, I'll post here too!

DD will be nine months on the 29th of this month. Wow - maybe it won't be as crazy as I think?!?

Sleeping: We don't co-sleep really as she sleeps in her crib until 4 or 5 in the am when she comes to our bed for snuggles. She doesn't sleep well when she's in our bed, which is too bad, 'cause I get much more sleep that way So, co-sleeping isn't going to be an issue for us. I might side-car a crib for the new little one, that would give us more room for when DD1 comes to our bed in the morning. We'll see...

Nursing: well, I don't know how this is going to work out in the end. I'd like to nurse DD as long as she wants, but she's not much of a comfort nurser. Meaning, I'm not sure if she'll stick with it if my milk gives out. Dh DOES NOT want me to tandem nurse, but if DD wants to continue, I don't see how he can make her stop: I had a drastic drop in supply a few weeks ago, but then I came down with the flu, so maybe that's why. We are back to normal (or more) now. I started taking calcium/magnesium supplements in addition to my pre-natals, so maybe that is helping?

Be back in a bit...

[BlueMoonBean]

Hi all,

I'm glad to know that there are other mamas in the same boat. I think I'm going to have to lean heavily on this community for awhile.

I'm worried about the emotional bonding between Nora and the new baby. When Audrey was born, Meredith had some severe issues with jealousy, b/c she'd been the only for so long. Then after Nora was born, it actually became better btwn Meredith and Audrey, I think b/c Meredith realized that life just changes when there is a new baby, not b/c the new baby is better than you. Plus, I think she liked seeing that Audrey had to wait for my attention, too.

Since Audrey was already verbal, we were able to prepare her for Nora's birth by reading books and talking about the pregnancy. Before Nora was born, I really felt that Audrey "got it", that she understood that there was a new baby coming. Obviously, she didn't really understand all the changes that there were going to be, but she knew the basics... about how the baby would sleep alot in Mama's sling, nurse lots and lots, and have to be taken care of by everyone, including her. We really focused on how great big sisters are and how special she would be.

Now, I can't even imagine how we're going to even begin to prepare Nora for this. She's going to be SO little when the new babe is born. I still feel like she is such a tiny baby. She is so quiet and content, that I worry that she doesn't get enough attention. And now, there's going to be a pregnant, tired Mama & then an interloper to share the Mama with. Oh, I know I'm mostly being silly, but I'm not ready for my littlest one to grow up at all, even if it's just from my perspective, KWIM?

Any thoughts on how to help a really little one get ready? Or do they accept the changes better at this young age (heard that from the only IRL friend I have with children this close, but she's pretty mainstream, and this just doesn't ring true to me...)?


Thanks mamas...

[Stayathomemommy]

My son will be 27 months and i know thats not that close but its the closest gap then all my others (unless you count twins born 20 minutes apart!).
I keep telling myself that it will be easier because my little guy has his three big sisters to play with and help him get things. I think younger siblings rely less on mom then an only child. At 15-18 months he has been content to go outside and play for hours with the dogs and his sisters. I am sure that Nora will just be one of the gang and much less affected by the new baby then say your oldest was when #2 was born. it is all an adjustment process but i know thinking and worrying about it is making me feel worse so i am just going to keep telling myself that it will all me perfect!!

[AmyA]

This pregnancy is a little more spaced then my last- my ds2 and my twins are only 11 months apart. It wasnt easy, but now the three of them are the best of friends and they dont know life without each other. My ds1 was 5 when ds2 was born and he had way more jealousy issues!

Probably the hardest part for me was that ds2 really became a daddy's boy b/c I got to the point in my twin pg that I couldnt bathe him or rock him easily. DH really knew it was important to me to parent him in an AP way so he really stepped up.

[BlueMoonBean]

Hi,

AmyA - I think you are my new mommy hero! I can't wait to hear all the ways you managed having three under a year. WOW. I am soimpressed!

Angela - Now that the reality of this has set in (after 6 BFPs, that is... EPT, Answer, FRER, and three different store brands agree that I am, in fact, preggers. Yes, I'm an addict. ), I'm hoping that is exactly what will happen. With some positive perspective, I can see Nora being a happy part of a tumbling group of children. Oh, I phrased that poorly, but you know what I mean.

I'm getting there... excitement is starting to creep in the edges of all my worries. I mean, when all is said and done, we get a new, cuddly soft babe to love and a new person to get to know. How great is that? :

[Summertime Mommy]

My two younger dds are only 15 months apart, and the older one in severely disabled, she functions on about a 6-7 month old level, so back then, it was kind of like having two newborns in the house. It really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I had times when I wished I could spend more time with the older one, because she needs so much, but it worked out pretty well. Now my younger dd helps me take care of her sister like she would a baby sister, which is very sweet. I am hoping this will help her be okay with the idea of a new baby in the house.

[amithemommy]

Hi,

I have an 11 month old daughter and just got a BFP, so they will be 19 months apart. We were ttc, though, so we knew that they would be close in age. I am a little overwhelmed when I think about having 2 babies, but I'm also excited and know that it can work out ok.

My sister and I are 17 months apart and I've heard my mom talk about how it wasn't so bad for them/us. One thing she's talked about is how important it was for them not to rush me into being a "big girl" and that at 17 months, I was still a baby and needed to continue to be for a bit. She had friends in similar situations that expected too much from the older child, which caused conflicts b/c the older kid is just too young to really do much. I think that's the mindset I need to keep, that DD will still be a baby and we shouldn't try to rush her development for the sake of the new baby.

We're actually trying to think about that now as we plan out who will sleep where, get what furniture, etc. I don't want my DD to feel like the new baby is taking something away from her, so we might keep her in the nursery for now, especially while the baby is in our room (we cosleep for the first few months only), and consider moving her when she is ready, or make a different room the baby's room for now. Same with nursing. I'm not sure if I want to tandem nurse, so if I do decide to wean DD (or if she starts to lose interest now that my supply is dropping ), I want it to be at least a few months before the new baby comes so its not another major transition for her.

I'm new to MDC and happy that I found this board! Thanks for posting your experiences!

Amarit

[BlueMoonBean]

Amarit - welcome to MDC!! I love it here... I've been a terrible lurker, but I'm determined to become a more active part of this community during this pregnancy. The mamas here are the best support network. This sounds weird, but sometimes I will read through other people's support/question threads, and the support that they get from the other mamas just makes me feel so much better. Even though it's not directed at me, just knowing that I have access to such a supportive community makes me so happy. KWIM?

I think you're right. It's going to be key for us to focus on the fact that we have 2 babies, not a baby and a big girl (well, three big girls ). Nora is so quiet and gentle, that nurturing and snuggling her is just so important to me. My older dds were vibrant and independent EARLY. Sometimes I felt like I was a drive-through milk machine for them. Nora just has a completely different vibe. I think that may be what had me so worried initially... I still feel like I'm getting to know her and her rhythms. I don't want that to be clouded by preoccupation w/ a new baby, but really... that's what Mother Nature gives us 9 months for, right?

So, for the mamas who are still breastfeeding, how is your milk production doing? I feel like my breasts are fuller, but w/ less milk available, if that makes sense. I'm think I'm going to give my midwife a call and see if fenugreek is okay during pregnancy to keep up production. I'm also going to go poke around on the BFing forum to see if there are any threads with tips...

[amithemommy]

Katherine - Thanks for the welcome! I've been lurking a bit too and completely know what you mean about feeling the support that is directed at someone else. I tend to lurk a lot on some other forums too, but I'd like to be more active here

My supply was very low when DD was first born, so that is part of my concern right now. I've always been a little paranoid of it getting low again once I worked so hard to get it up. I've never really had a "full" feeling (maybe a couple of times once DD started sleeping through the night), so my breasts don't really feel any different, just my nipples getting sore. I've just noticed that when she pops off after just a few min, I'll sometimes give a squeeze to check if there is any milk left and lately, more often than not, there isn't. I'd be interested to hear if certain dosages of fenugreek might be ok. Kellymom says that its not recommended during pg, but maybe there is other info out there. I need to call my mw or LC and ask also. In the meantime, I NEED to start drinking more water - I haven't been so good at keeping my fluids up.

[7kiddosmom]

My youngest is just 8 months old now. I have stopped nursing as my milk completely dried up, he was hungry and it didn't seem there was hope for my supply. I feel badly for "giving up" but it was the best for us at this time.

I have been through this before a few times, having 2 babies at one time. My oldest 2 are just 361 days apart, my oldest has CP and as a pp situation we too were just getting diagnosis and such when dd 2 was born. It was a stressful time, but I wouldn't trade it for the word.

I have 8 children ages 14, 13, 11, 8, 6, 3, 2 and 8 months.

[nznats]

My son is only 7 months old so will be around 14-15 months when this bubba is born. My oldest will be 4 when the new one arrives. I loved the gap between Amalia and Aston, no jealousy at all, and other than her being all over him at times she has adjusted well, loves him to pieces.
Not sure how this time is going to go, but she seems to be happy there is going to be another baby.
I have had a crappy supply with Aston since the beginning but thankfully pregnancy seems to have fixed that and even though its still not 100% its better than it was. Aston is now eating a bit more solids too, so I am hoping we are going to be able to continue breastfeeding, and then tandem when the new baby gets here. He is a boobyholic so I dont see him weaning.

Aston is an awful sleeper though, wakes every 1-2 hours during the night, and doesnt usually sleep more than 40 minutes at a time during the day. He just isnt a sleeper, very alert and there when he is awake. He is my high needs little man!
I dont think I am worried about parenting 3, or even two of them being so close... I am more worried about the pregnancy/birth stuff!

[BlueMoonBean]

Ok, well I checked with my MW today... looks like most of the herbs to help increase lactation are off limits. So, looks like I'll be eating LOTS of oatmeal. To make matters worse, now it seems like Nora's on a nursing strike... just way too interested in what her sisters are doing to spend time latched on. It's like nursing a popcorn kernal, she's bouncing all over the place, .

So, if we can make it through the pregnancy still BFing, who would love to tandem nurse? I think that would be a really great way for the babes to bond. Mothering at the breast... bonding at the breast. Has a ring to it,
no?

In other news, the fluffy mail addiction is coming back. I've been over oohing and aahing at some bamboo dipes. Tell me that I don't need newborn dipes, yet. (Actually, since Nora was 9lb5oz, I probably don't need them, period!) But, they're so cute, it's hard to resist.

If you have/are planning to cloth diaper, what are your favorite newborn diapers?

[Twwly]

DS is 12 months and I am due in June.

I'll be tandem nursing (I've heard Hilary Flower's book on the topic is great) and am drinking *small* amounts of fenugreek tea and eating my oatmeal to boost my dwindling supply. Unless DS goes on total breast strike (highly unlikely, he loves the boobie) I would like to keep nursing him until he's at least two (hoping for 3-4). I'm a bit worried about tandeming because from what I know of other mums who've done it, it seems pretty hard and is a definite test of patience, etc. I'm hoping to get my close friends and relatives geared up to support my efforts!

PP -- We cloth diapered (and EC'd) our son, and we liked FuzziBunz best. DS is now in training pants and we really like Imse Vimse. DS had stopped pooping in his dipes by 3-4 mos of age, which made CDing pretty darn easy. We'll be ECing the new arrival too, so we're not too worried about having two in cloth. We're really looking forward to the fact that we don't have to buy any new diapers!

We cosleep and have just purchased a king size bed. I would imagine DS will still sleep in bed with us once #2 arrives, just in the middle. Neither we or he is ready to transition out of the family bed, so we're just gonna keep on keepin' on and see how things go.

Best of luck to everyone!

[amithemommy]

I'm not sure if I want to tandem nurse. I'm almost hoping DD chooses to wean on her own during the pg so I don't have to make that decision. I have friends who have successfully tandem nursed, but it seems very demanding and I'm not sure I have that in me. I also work part time right now and I'm not sure how long of a break I'll take next time. Last time I went back (PT) after 12 weeks, but I might take off longer next time. If DD is still nursing towards the end of pg and I do decide to give tandem a shot, I don't think I could nurse both kids on demand. Obviously the baby, but I might want to schedule DD's nursings and limit her to certain times of the day.

I am excited about CDing a newborn though! And I've also started looking around at newborn dipes online I started CDing DD when she was about 5 months old so I have no experience with newborns. Anyone have experience with contours? They look like they might be a bit easier than prefolds.

[BlueMoonBean]

Amithemommy - I just bought my first kissaluv contour the other day... I've used prefolds, pockets, and fitteds with my girls... I'm excited to see how the contour holds up. It'll go through with the next diaper load, so it'll get in rotation sometime this week. I thought it was cool that it has a soaker pad sewn into the dipe. It is soooo soft and squishy.

I never thought I would want to tandem nurse, largely b/c I always planned on having larger gaps between my babes, and my girls usually self-wean midway through their second year. Now that I'm looking at a closer gap, I think it feels *right* to me... but, I can definitely see that it will probably be more limited for Nora, and on demand for the new babe.

I know I should go look on the nursing board, but since I'm already typing, does anyone know off the top of their heads: From what I've read (which isn't much, yet... I'm going to get the Adventures in Tandem Nursing from a friend), you're supposed to let the little one nurse first, and then let the toddler nurse. Does the baby get enough hindmilk that way? I've had problems with oversupply early on, so this has me a bit concerned...

Thanks mamas!

[amithemommy]

Katherine - Let me know how the contours hold up! I've only used pockets so far.

My one local friend who tandem nurses has oversupply also and I think she tends to nurse both kids at the same time a lot. But I'm not sure how it works in terms of hindmilk. I had low supply for awhile and have already noticed a drop, so I think that is part of what worries me with tandem. My girl was nursing almost constantly, and then once we figured out I had low supply I was adding pumping on top of that, so if I have to do that again and have another child to nurse that might just be too much. My boobs would never get a break! Although I am hoping it will be better this time around since I'm already aware of the low supply issue and can hopefully get started on fenugreek/pumping, etc earlier.

[Twwly]

I found the Kissaluv contours took yonkers to dry. They are really cute though and I love how teeny they are.