Transitioning to exclusive breastfeeding (a preemie) - Page 2

[kathteach]

It takes time and more patience than I knew I had.

So true, veganone. I guess after investing so much there's no way you want to give up midway even when you realize what's involved. If I am able to succeed at ebf I think I will look back and be amazed at my persistence, especially since I'm not the kind of person who is consistent and does whatever it takes to follow a goal. I'm kind of lazy.

Out of six feedings today half were bottles and the rest just the breast. That seems incredible to me. It's so hard to just breastfeed and not follow with a bottle, it's hard to trust he can get a feeding from just me--which doesn't even make sense since the bottle is my milk anyway. We're at a good point. I'm trying my best to have faith, stay positive, and make nursing a good experience instead of a test or something. Not sure if I'm making sense.

I do feel guilty. All the pumping and feeding takes so long and it's hard on my toddler. He tries to crawl on my lap or ask for a bottle even when he's just had one and it breaks my heart. I have special toys for when I feed the baby or I sing to him and he likes that but still I feel guilty he's just waiting for mama for over an hour many times throughout the day. :

Thanks again mamas. I am truly blessed to have this encouragement from you all.

[Tendaironi]

My son really didn't get good at nursing until a couple weeks after his due date, so you are doing great!! He's gaining weight so well, you must have special milk inside you!!

At the age your son is, Noah was getting only 2 ounces formula every 2-3 hours of formula and then I was nursing in between because I thought I didn't have enough milk. Noah was the type of baby who would eat and eat and eat! So some babies will always want to be topped off!

[kathteach]

Thanks Tendaironi. The bottle thing is so confusing. The nursing thing is so confusing!

I nurse and then he acts hungry so I give him the bottle. He will drink up to 4oz!!! My LC said that's way too much and not to give him more than 3. I have a feeling he'd drink even more than 4 if he had the chance. So when I nurse and then he acts like he still wants to suck I give him the bottle. I know it's too much because he will sleep for so long afterwards and I don't think it's good he goes without eating for sometimes four to 4 1/2 hours. In the NICU the thing that prevented him from coming home was his sucking/eating problems. The nurses would force a certain amount of cc's down him. I understand why, but I wonder if it ruined his appetite regulation or something because now he is a sucking maniac and he doesn't seem to know when to stop with the bottle.

I think I could nurse him more and do with less bottles probably, but it's like I want the security of the bottle to make sure he's really getting something. Plus, (and this is not helpful for my bf goal) sometimes my older son gets so impatient because Mom has been hours on the couch nursing then pumping that I just go to the bottle so I can get the feeding over fast and give him some attention. I just read the thread about ff being easier than bf and it kind of surprised me when I read about posters having to spend all day on the couch nursing their newborn. I kind of thought the breastfeedings would get faster as he was more efficient. I just feel so torn between my two sons, and it's made worse I guess that I didn't breastfeed my first, just pumped. I feel guilty about that.

Anyway I'm completely rambling. I just need to get my feelings out about everything related to this bfing journey. I'm becoming a little obsessive about it all I guess. Thanks for listening/reading.

[Valian]

It sounds like you could really benefit from learning to nurse using a sling. I know our friend was very adept at this and it allowed her much more freedom than I felt stuck in my chair.

A few other things: are you nursing on both sides at a single session or just one? How about offering a pacifier/dummy after the nursing session to see if that satisfies your Ds. If it does, then you can know its just a desire to suck more and not actual hunger. You can also offer a botle, but decide to go back to the breast after the first oz from the bottle. At the end of a nursing session it will be harder for him to extract the milk, but its also the good, hight fat milk that will help him feel fuller.

[veganone]

If DS is latching/nursing pretty well, I second the pacifier suggestion. We figured out that DD just really wants to suck sometimes and is so much happier with a pacifier. It helped us get rid of the supplements for sure. When she's really hungry she'll spit it out once she realizes there's no milk. When she wants to just suck she'll visibly relax and quiet down and just suck and suck...

I was SO scared to quit with the bottles, but just try and see how it goes. DD's gaining has slowed (she'd also take up to 4 oz early on, which is too much...), but she's doing fine.

[kathteach]

Just wanted to post that today DS had one bottle at six am, it's now 8:30pm, and that's the only bottle he's had all day. :

Veganone, that's exactly how I feel, scared to drop the bottles. So scared!Scared I'm going to starve him. I weighed him today at the Pump Station (baby/breastfeeding store) and he was 3826 grams which I think is roughly 8 1/2 lbs. He had four poops today and big ones too so he IS getting milk from me.

Another thing I am confused about is supply. I learned somewhere, I don't remember if it was here or not, that your supply is pretty much built up the first three months, and then from then on it still works on supply and demand but you kind of have to have that base from the early months. I've been pumping to keep up supply but how do I drop the pumping when it comes time? I can get three or four ounces combined even after he eats. My LC said to do block feeding so he gets the fatty milk. The uneaten breast kills from engorgement. If I cut down on pumping so my supply matches his demand, is that going to threaten future supply? I don't know what is best to do in order to ensure a consistent supply for the year.

Valian, that is such a great idea to go back to the breast after 1 oz, I never thought about that before. I will continue to use the paci even though I know there are conflicting opinions on their use. I would LOVE to learn how to nurse in a sling. I'm great with a pouch but never could figure out the ring sling, and I wonder if it would be feasible to nurse in the sling with that slippy nipple shield anyway.

One last question for you all: is it normal for a newborn to kind of "fight" you to latch on? When he's hungry he tries to eat his hands and he waves them, knocking the nipple out of the way of his mouth. Sometimes it takes me four or more tries to get the nipple in. He also sometimes starts sucking as soon as he feels the tip of the shield before he even opens his mouth up to get it. These things aren't a huge deal I just want to make sure I'm not doing something wrong.

Thanks again for your continued support. I can't make it without you all, I'm serious.

[GooeyRN]

It sounds like things are going GREAT for you!!!!! Can you slowly/gradually cut down on the pumping as you become more confident that he is getting enough? Maybe drop one or two pumpings a week? That way you can slowly adjust down to what he wants and not have the killer engorgement. If in the future he needs more, you will make more. I would be paranoid about supply, too. After slowly weaning, maybe keep 1-2 pumps a day to make sure you have enough? Would that be tolerable? I know you are already so busy with your little ones!!!

[CathMac]

Originally Posted by kathteach

Just wanted to post that today DS had one bottle at six am, it's now 8:30pm, and that's the only bottle he's had all day. :

kathteach,
DD2 is asleep on my shoulder and I'm on my way to bed but I want to offer some moral support and say that it looks like you've gotten some excellent BTDT advice; and it seems like you are doing a good job of applying it to your situation. I'm guessing it's going to be a slow process of trial and error.

FWIW, I think you are doing great, although I can understand if it doesn't feel that way.

I may have one practical tip on latching for you. Have you heard of the "Rapid Arm Method (RAM)"? The acronym is somewhat self-descriptive but I'll try to find an article on it for you tomorrow. Also, I didn't realize how bad it was at the time but DD1 had a poor latch initially. Until I mastered "RAM" I would literally gently push more of the lower part of my aerola into her mouth to achieve an asymmetrical latch, rather than repeatedly unlatching and relatching her. I don't think any LC would recommend that and it may be too rough for a Preemie but then again it may be less tiring than latching and unlatching.

Regarding the Supply/Engorgment/Pumping question. I have deleted the general info on the "baseline" theory since I cover it in more detail in my follow up post. However, once you start to taper off with the pumping I would suggest starting with shorter sessions for awhile, just enough to take the edge off of the engorgement without overly stimulating production, until your supply regulates.

One more thing, regarding feeling torn between DS1 and DS2, remember that most moms go through this to one degree or another. I can't even remember how I handled it. I vaguely remember sometimes trying to read to DD1 while nursing DD2. Ideally you'll find a special activity for DD1 to do alongside you and DD1 which is nice in theory but tough in reality. Especially since you are still actively working on DD2's nursing skills. Maybe you could take him shopping for a special toy to play with when you are nursing DD2 ... preferably something where interaction from you is optional if the nursing session is going well, but not necessary. Unfortunately I can't think of anything concrete.

Gotta run. I just realized the time. I'll try to get back to you with a few links.

Keep up the good work. Your boys are lucky to have you.
~Cath

[CathMac]

Links with excerpts

Kathteach,
As I may have mentioned earlier I don't know much about Preemies in particular. However, here is some more info on hormone driven milk production and how that may play into the "base line" theory and also some info on latching, the RAM technique in particular.

I hope this is what you were looking for and that it helps.

Kellymom: How does milk production work?
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/supply/milkproduction.html
EXCERPT beneath the diagram: “After Lactogenesis II, there is a switch to the autocrine (or local) control system. This maintenance stage of milk production is also called Lactogenesis III. In the maintenance stage, milk synthesis is controlled at the breast -- milk removal is the primary control mechanism for supply. … Although hormonal problems can still interfere with milk supply, hormonal levels play a much lesser role in established lactation. …”

Unfortunately the text of the article doesn’t go into more detail. The diagram shows a sharp drop off in Progesterone shortly after Lactogenesis II. That starts at about 30 to 40 hours post partum and is almost fully leveled off at that point but you do see a continuation until about a month post partum. It also shows a more gradual drop off of Prolactin beginning at the same time as the Progesterone drop off but not starting to level off until almost 3 months post partum (which is the time frame you mentioned).

While neither the article nor the diagram specifically state this, I associate the hormone dropoff and onset of Lactogenesis II with the set point / baseline theory we’ve heard about. I’m guessing that that there is some sort of synergy between stimulation (Supply and Demand) and the presence of hormones that helps establish a baseline. I could be completely wrong about this and since Progesterone levels off so much faster than Prolactin it is hard to see how this correlates with the 4 to 6 week time frame I’ve heard of. Although the 3 month time frame you mentioned does correlate with the Prolactin drop off.

I did take a quick look at the more detailed articles at the bottom of the Kellymom article and most of them are too scientific for me to follow but my impression is that none of them mention much less explain the baseline theory.

Breastfeeding.com: Baby not latching properly
http://www.breastfeeding.com/helpme/...klc_ans26.html
EXCERPT
“By tickling your baby's lips lightly in an up and down motion with your nipple, you will see your baby begin to open and close her mouth. If you continue tickling, you will see her opening and closing, sometimes just a little, sometimes wide. You don't want to do anything until you see that wide open mouth. …
When your baby opens wide, you will also notice that she will make a slight lunging motion toward the breast. This is what you are waiting for . When her mouth is open wide, then you want to bring your baby onto the breast (not push the breast into her mouth.) This is a very fast movement with your arm--think of "RAM"--Rapid Arm Movement." If your baby's mouth is open very wide when you bring her on the breast, then there's no way she can end up on the tip of the nipple.

Once she's on the breast, you may need to keep firm pressure on the back on her head to keep her in close.”

Babytalk Magazine: Breastfeeding Problems and Solutions -By Martha Sears, R.N., and William Sears, M.D.
http://www.parenting.com/parenting/a...647407,00.html
EXCERPT
Using your milk-moistened nipple, gently massage your baby's lips, encouraging her to open her mouth wide, like yawning. As she opens wide, direct your nipple slightly upward and toward the center of her mouth, and with a rapid arm movement, pull her close to you, so that her mouth will close down over your areola. We call this technique "RAM," an abbreviation of "rapid arm movement." ...

Note, in some of the accounts I've read on these boards moms have mentioned that some LCs will recommend talking to baby and saying "open", "open wide", etc. while using the RAM technique, presumably to condition them to open wide without having to use the RAM method.

Kellymom: Latching and Positioning Resources http://www.kellymom.com/bf/start/bas...resources.html

Kellymom- Latching: Thoughts on pushing baby's chin down when latching http://www.kellymom.com/bf/start/bas...sing-chin.html EXCERPT: I've been told that occupational and physical therapists learn that if you "force" a muscle to go the way you want it to, it will tend to go the opposite way. So if baby is clenching his jaw, it can be helpful to do the opposite of what you want him to do - gently push baby's jaw closed (before nursing, of course!) then quickly remove your finger to allow him to open his mouth. You might try doing this several times before nursing.

Note, I've heard the same thing about massaging babies forehead upward with your thumb when they are sleepy since supposedly they will fight the motion and close their eyes. While I've never been able to put DD1 or DD2 to sleep this way I definitely see that they will "fight" the motion and close their eyes so I can see how this principle could be used to encourage a baby to open their mouth wide.

One more thing. I can completely understand that you want to be done with the bottles and pumping. Notwithstanding the 3 month time frame you heard about and the Progesterone drop off that coincides with that, my guess is that if you are a stay at home mom (as opposed to a Mom that would need an artificially high demand to sucessfully pump at work) and will be nursing on demand that pumping as often as possible during the first 4 to 6 weeks would probably be enough to establish an adequate set point.

I would also suggest that co-sleeping with DS2 might take some of the pressure off since you would be stimulating your supply when your Prolactin levels are highest. Not to mention that DS2 would be getting more milk when your supply is higher and that would mean you are perhaps spending a little less time during the day nursing him which would make it easier to balance DS1's needs with DS2's. Just a thought.

Take care and please keep us posted.
~Cath

[kathteach]

CathMac! Thanks! Those are some great links. I'm always amazed at the breadth of your knowledge. Thank you.
The RAM info is great. I actually saw my LC do this when she helped me, it kinf of felt like she was slamming him onto my boob. I've been working on it and I think it's helping get more of an open mouth, or else his mouth is just growing and can open wider now, I'm not sure. It seems like his latch is deeper now that I started doing it.

Now that I am nursing more all of a sudden it's sleepy baby a lot of the time. He falls asleep at the breast, the nipple falls out, I put him down, he instantly wakes up, I put him back on, he falls asleep....and repeat. This is so frustrating, I don't know what to do. I've just been giving in to the bottle when this happens because I haven't found a way to keep him awake. I know this is a common problem with newborns anyway, I will try to find how moms have dealt with this.

It was his due date yesterday and I had hoped to be nursing exclusively by now so I am a bit dsicouraged. Lately I have been pretty down about breastfeeding and thinking of giving up, but I am not going to at least not yet. I am committed to six weeks and then I can re-evaluate. It's only been three.

[Tendaironi]

Noah was real sleepy too and didn't catch on to breastfeeding even a few weeks past his due date. I figured that if it can take full-term baby to 6 weeks to catch on to breastfeeding then I was going to give it 6 weeks past his due date. Preemies can be sleepy for their first year of life and my son is still sleepy. He nurses and goes right to sleep but he can sleep nurse just fine. I go to sleep too sometimes, bm is like knock out drugs!

One of the first things I did was learn the lying down position for nursing because I was tired of holding him in place and I thought he would stay latched on longer if it wasn't me holding him place. It worked. The things to stimulate the baby to waking up like letting them be naked or rubbing their backs and stuff didn't work with Noah. He slept right on. But I recall reading Dr. Newman saying that if milk is flowing out babies will keep on drinking and I know that to be true with the bottle. The preemies will keep on sleeping and drinking down their bottles. So breast compressions helped Noah and me to keep on breastfeeding when he was soooooo sleepy.

http://www.thebirthden.com/Breast%20...ary%202005.doc

http://www.thebirthden.com/JN%20Comp...pen%20eyes.wmv

[CathMac]

Originally Posted by Tendaironi

... I figured that if it can take full-term baby to 6 weeks to catch on to breastfeeding then I was going to give it 6 weeks past his due date. ...

One of the first things I did was learn the lying down position for nursing because I was tired of holding him in place and I thought he would stay latched on longer if it wasn't me holding him place. ... But I recall reading Dr. Newman saying that if milk is flowing out babies will keep on drinking and I know that to be true with the bottle. The preemies will keep on sleeping and drinking down their bottles. So breast compressions helped Noah and me to keep on breastfeeding when he was soooooo sleepy.
http://www.thebirthden.com/Breast%20...ary%202005.doc

http://www.thebirthden.com/JN%20Comp...pen%20eyes.wmv

kathteach.
It really sounds like Tendaironi knows what she's talking about. I can't add much but I did poke around and found what seems like a good article on Sleepy Babies. I hope it helps.

Breastfeeding After A Cesarean – Sleepy Baby http://www.plus-size-pregnancy.org/C...#Sleepy%20Baby
Scroll down about 2/3 down the page

The most important thing to do if you have a sleepy baby is to nurse as frequently as possible (at least every 2 hours), waking baby up and stimulating him in order to get efficient sucking and longer nursing times. If he drowses during a feeding, keep waking him up and give him lots of time to complete the feeding. It is important to be sure that the baby receives plenty of fat-rich hindmilk from an extended feeding in order to help increase his weight gain and prevent gassy colic (see below).

...
Nursing books and websites have lots of hints for waking a sleepy baby to nurse, including:
--Wake the baby up fully before beginning a nursing session; let baby have some 'sitting' time on your lap first (support her body with one hand, the other hand under her chin to support her head). If the baby is stimulated before you begin feeding, she may stay awake better
--Burp the baby before a nursing session; sometimes babies have leftover bubbles that make them feel full
--Don't overdress baby; heat makes babies extra sleepy
--Keep the room fairly cool for the same reason
--Don't let the room be too overstimulating or too understimulating; overstimulated babies tend to shut down in self-defense, and understimulated babies drift back to sleep easily
--Observe the baby's reaction and adjust the room lights accordingly (you may need to increase lights for understimulated baby, or to lower the lights so that baby can open its eyes more comfortably and look around)
--Talk to the baby constantly while nursing, and pat the baby frequently
--Undress the baby down to its diaper (be careful with preemies to preserve body temperature; use a light blanket if needed)
--Be skin-to-skin as much as possible (little clothing on baby, and your clothing minimal or opened so baby's skin is mostly against your skin)
--Avoid a tightly wrapped baby; remember that babies wrapped snugly in blankets tend to be sleepier, so unwrap that baby!
--Use a cool (not cold) washcloth on the baby; switch the area you use the washcloth on, rotating among head, stomach, and back frequently. Be careful with preemies to maintain their body temperature
--Stroke baby's cheek with your nipple
--Express a little milk ahead and dribble a little onto his lips so that he can taste it
--Massage your breast a bit while baby is nursing to increase milk flow, or pump the other breast while baby nurses
--Change the baby's diaper in the middle of the feeding
--If the baby starts to drowse, try to burp him to help wake him up
--Blow gently on baby's feet or very softly on his face
--Try the football hold (baby is less likely to fall asleep in this position than the cradle position)
--Change the baby's nursing position frequently (i.e., cradle to football hold to side-lying, etc.)
--Utilize "switch" nursing (changing baby to the other breast as soon as he shows signs of nodding off---see below)
--Rub/massage the baby (or have partner do it while you nurse); rotate between rubbing the top of the head, the bottom of the baby's feet, up and down the baby's spine, across the baby's belly, up and down its arm, etc.
--Interrupt nursing for gentle baby calisthenics like gentle baby sit-ups (sitting to lying down and back--don't force forwards)
--If possible, take a warm bath with the baby and nurse there

It is important to watch baby's subtle cues for signs of wakefulness and hunger. It is much easier to rouse a sleepy baby for nursing if he is in a 'light' stage of his sleep cycle than if he is in a 'deep' stage of the sleep cycle. Signs of lighter sleep include REM sleep (eyes moving around under the closed lids), grimaces or changing facial expressions, lots of limb movement, and sucking motions with the mouth. If you see these 'light' sleep signs, wake the baby for a full nursing session. This will be more successful than trying to wake baby from a deep sleep to nurse.

Also watch for subtle hunger cues. Crying is a late sign of hunger. Watch carefully for more subtle signs of nursing readiness, such as mouthing the hand, rooting behaviors, restlessness, etc. Be ready to put the baby to the breast quickly if you see subtle signs of nursing readiness.

One piece of advice often give moms struggling with a sleepy baby is to "switch nurse." In this, you wake the baby up frequently by switching from breast to breast often during the nursing period. Although this can be helpful, you want to be sure he does get some extended time on at least one side eventually in a feeding so that he is getting lots of rich hindmilk as well as the initial foremilk. Otherwise baby may experience a condition known as 'foremilk/hindmilk imbalance,' where baby gets the lactose-rich foremilk (which causes lots of gas) and misses out on the fat-rich hindmilk (which helps improve weight gain, helps the baby stool, and satisfies the baby's hunger more long-term). Signs of foremilk/hindmilk imbalance can include lots of gas, an unhappy baby, and frothy green stools.

HTH, ~Cath

[kathteach]

Those are good ideas for the sleepy baby problem. I haven't given a bottle since 2am last night (it's now 8:30pm) and except for the last feed all of the nursing has gone well. I don't remember the exact link or if I found the link by going to all of CathMac's, but one website said not to worry about the pauses unless they are longer than 15 seconds--that was really helpful.
His last feed was really poor and I could not get him out of the sleepiness, now I'm starting to worry and wanting to give him a bottle to make sure I'm not starving him, but not sure if I'm overreacting. I didn't hear as many swallows as normal. He has been sleeping for almost 3.5 hours now and I guess I will wake him soon to eat, but I'm not sure if I should. The LC said I could let him go as long as 5 hours at night, but he's never done that. The longest he's slept has been 3.5 hours. I think I really need to rent that scale. Not having the security of the bottle is making me crazy.

[kathteach]

Well, all of his feeds were pretty poor since my last post and I just woke up and nursed him and he was just halfhearted and sleepy--and he had slept four hours between feedings which he has never ever done before. So right now (4:30am) I asked my husband to feed him a bottle while I pump. I just had a bad feeling, I don't think I'm overreacting giving the bottle. His diaper was kind of dry too.

Maybe I jumped too soon to no bottles. He was doing so great until tonight. We will see how tomorrow goes. I don't know if anyone is still reading this thread, but it's helping me anyway to record what's going on.

[sanguine_speed]

Kathteach, I can't believe I haven't replied to you sooner. I also had a preemie (34 weeks) and had a hellish time BFing (see my newsig).

He was also oxygen-deprived and started out with an Apgar of 0. After being entubated and rescussitated and was fed through a direct line to his tummy, then an ng tube. I also have flat nipples. Transitioning to bf was very hard, and I feel you on the pump routine. I called it a circus. Cause it is!

I just wanted to let you know that at 3 1/2 months, we finally are EBF. It was such a long journey, and to be frank, I am not always convinced it was worth it. I lost a lot of time resenting my baby, being exhausted and yelling atmy other kids. But, I HAD TO DO IT. I had to.

I wanted you to know that it took 3 1/2 months because everyonekept saying things like "it might take him a few weeks to get it". When those weeks went by I felt like a failure. It can take longer. I also had a nipple shield and we've weaned off of it. I have never breastfed a baby without one before this baby and he's my 3rd.

All that to say you're not alone, and I DO understand how hard the feed/bottle/pump routine is. It can be mind-numbing sometimes.

[snh6]

I would contact your local La Leche League Leader. She can offer great help at no cost to you. Good luck and great work!

Sierra

[Clatter]

I just want to say that I'm reading your posts and feeling very much the same way - I just brought home my preemie infant and I'm struggling with the bottle/breast thing. The doc doesn't yet want me to try the breast so I've been pumping - but I'm scared that when I do get to bf she will not be able to suck enough...

[CathMac]

Originally Posted by kathteach

... I just had a bad feeling, I don't think I'm overreacting giving the bottle. His diaper was kind of dry too.

Maybe I jumped too soon to no bottles. He was doing so great until tonight. We will see how tomorrow goes. I don't know if anyone is still reading this thread, but it's helping me anyway to record what's going on.

kathteach,
I'm sorry it seems like you've had a setback. Keep following your instincts, it seems like that is serving you well.

As far as the diapers, are you actually keeping track? I know with my DDs not all wet dipes were created equal. Is it possible that he had an earlier one that was a little more wet than usual?

I'll see if I can dig up the Kellymom link regarding how to gauge a wet diaper and how many you should be getting per day.

ETA - Here are two Kellymom links, one for babies up to 6 weeks and the other for "older" babies. I don't know if the younger baby guidelines might apply a little longer for Preemies.
~Cath

[CathMac]

Originally Posted by Clatter

I just want to say that I'm reading your posts and feeling very much the same way - I just brought home my preemie infant and I'm struggling with the bottle/breast thing. The doc doesn't yet want me to try the breast so I've been pumping - but I'm scared that when I do get to bf she will not be able to suck enough...

Clatter,
I think your doctor may be mistaken.

Kathteach,
How long did you wait til you started nursing? Or did you wait at all?

ETA - Here are two links. I'll try to dig up more later.
Breastfeeding your Premature Infant – Resources http://www.kellymom.com/bf/preemie/preemie-links.html

LLL Breastfeeding Premature Infants http://www.llli.org/FAQ/premposition.html


~Cath

[kathteach]

I just wanted to post back really quickly while my toddler and Dh are out for a stroll.

Actually CathMac I was so down last night but when I really think about it, I wouldn't call it a setback at all! One bottle in 24 hours? That's the best we ever have done!

Now I'm thinking I may have overreacted, but that's okay, right? Right after my husband gave him the bottle I changed him and I saw old poopy in there (sorry Desmond I didn't know that must have been from the last feed.

I *think*, though I'm not sure, that I am not giving him credit for how much more proficient he's become at nursing. Before, he just wasn't very coordinated and when the nipple came out it seemed due to that, so I was used to putting him back on, back on, back on. I think that when the nipple comes out he may actually be done but I'm not realizing that, and putting him back on, back on, back on....and doing this up to an hour....and I think maybe he is pacifying sucking eventually and I don't hear the swallows like I did at the beginning of the feed and I'm thinking he's not getting enough. But that may not be the case. Does that make sense?

Maybe I sound like a crazy woman all upset one day and happy the next but right now I am kind of excited. I am breastfeeding! I am doing it! Even if it all goes to pieces in a week and I have to end up exclusively pumping like last time, I have the joy of what we did so far. I am starting to really like breastfeeding.

~Katherine


P.S. I want to reply to Sanguine_speed and Clutter but I want to get some more work done on the laundry while I have a chance, I will be back. And again again again THANK YOU all for your support---I hope you know this support is one of the main factors I keep trying.