Originally Posted by Daffodil
Interesting thread. Those of you who weren't praised, and feel bad about it - did your parents show a lot of love and affection that wasn't based on what you did? Did you know they loved you and thought you were terrific, but you wished they would also recognize your big efforts and achievements? Or did you feel you needed praise as evidence that they loved and valued you?
For me, the bit below from dealic *really* struck a chord with me:
|because the A's I normally got were seen as expected and never an achievement.
To have things that were truly work
be treated as just another thing I did..... made the work that went into them seem less, somehow. And not in a "many hands make light work," kind of way.
You know, when they put the capstone on the great pyramid, and the work crew stood back and looked at it, I'd bet money that the foremen didn't say, "well, it looks like you used limestone on that last course. How do you feel about that?" They probably yelled something about how much Egyptians kicked butt and then led the way out for a lot of beer.
More praise would have made some of the acheivements more exciting. Celebrating an accomplishment is a lot more fun with other people. Sure, its important to have an internal motivation and sense of accomplishment -- but human beings celebrate in *groups*, generally, not alone in little monastic cells (except, I suppose, for monks!).
To their credit, they were dealing with a gifted/talented kid in a small town in the 70s with no support. There was a certain amount of "we want her to be normal and not get a big head."
There's a lot I found out *later* how proud they were of me about. I knew they *were* happy with what I did (content, maybe?), there was never any doubt that they loved me and cared for me and wanted the best for me. I just feel like some of my lifes celebrations wound up... muted. When a different reaction could have ...amplified?... them.