I dusted off this old thread to give an update and look for some more perspective.
Mom's been staying in a nursing home in the same city as my brother and sister's families. They visit her a couple of times per week and she has gotten daily physical and occupational therapy. So she's done very well, is now walking independently with a walker and so forth, and they are now looking to finding an adult foster home situation for her.
She's caused some mischief, but surprisingly little given her history. For instance she bragged about having a suicide plan in place (recall she's been doing that literally since my very first memories as a child
) and they put her on suicide watch for a few days. But nothing worse than that.
As for me, it's taken me this long for my emotions to thaw. Having her around really rekindled a lot of the psychological injury from my childhood, and I'm thankful that she's out of my life again.
We're taking a trip and will pass through her city. We've arranged to have dinner with my siblings and their families. The cousins are all very close. The problem is that my sister is putting pressure on me to visit my mom. At first she was going to invite mom over to her house for the get together, but we got around that in a circular way by saying that we'd already made arrangements for the get together to be at my brother's house. And he has made it plain that he has no intention of bringing mom there ever. Mom has been extraordinarily cruel to his wife throughout their marriage, and it would be disrespectful to her if he were to allow mom in their home.
So sis is now pushing for us to visit mom at the nursing home. I have no interest whatsoever in doing so. In fact, I'm adverse to the idea. I'm only just now recovering from my previous encounters with her, and have no desire to rekindle those thoughts and feelings.
I will just say no. That's fine - I don't have any trouble doing that. I guess I'm just venting and looking for a little support .