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My four year old. . . - Page 8

post #141 of 152
Dd is exploring all sorts of different "personalities" too. She has always been a mellow and mature child but the last few months have been getting a bit interesting...... She seems to like to try out all of these new phrases, moods, and personalities on me only I have had a lot of luck with role playing. When she is in a good mood, we get out some animals and practice dialog. It sounds goofy but it really helps to give her more tools in communication. We also came up with a symbol that I use when we are in public to help remind her when she is edging towards rude or mean to others.

Also, after much discussion, dd and I agreed to have "quiet time" most afternoons. It is usually only about one hour, but dd ultimately decides the length and whether she takes one or not. It seems to recharge her a little, like naps used to WAY BACK in the olden days when she used to take them......

Dh has been on business travel a lot and I think that is really contributing. She seems to have a very hard time towards the end of the absence then REALLY melts when dh actually returns. It can take three days for her to return to anything resembling normal. Last night I made her favorite soup just to cheer her up and she refused to take even one bite. I honored her refusal but I was pretty shocked. This child has never been one to not try something....especially her favorite soup!

And then there are the days when I sneak into the kitchen to make a martini

My parents were also pretty hands off and I think I lean more that way myself. I am not playing on the floor all day. I do my thing, dd does hers, and we are both welcome to join the other at any time but do not necessarily do so on a frequent basis. I find that forcing myself to be more "involved" usually makes this go south pretty fast.
post #142 of 152
hugs to all the mamas out there struggling in fellowship together about our dear dear 4 year old treasures. here's how i described my son today in an email to my sister-in-law: "J is his usual wonderful, super smart, strong-willed, petulant, creative, mom-obsessed self and i love him desperately and am peretually frustrated by him all at the same time. i'm learning to be comfortable with paradox and contrast."

i'm feeling like i need to give myself a break and give him a break. neither one of us is going to figure out this whole parent-child relationship thing all at once. and we're both trying to navigate Life-with-a-capital-L while we are trying to love and be with each other. it's hard. and it's a journey. i am growing and learning every bit as much as my ds is. i'm glad we can do it together. that's my positive affirmation/hopeful thought for the day.

and by the way: my ds has definite clothing issues - he will ONLY wear "tie pants" (aka drawstring pants) - NOTHING with a zipper/buttons and so on. sometimes he will deign to wear sweatpants with an elastic waistband, but it has to be a really good day. and it must have a matching t-shirt and/or sweater. and now he's getting picky about how his socks should feel inside his shoes - heaven forbid there's a wrinkle somewhere in there - we'll have to take everything off and start over.

what an age! i wonder what we'll all be talking about in 10 years on the "teenager" thread?? at least we still know where are children ARE and who they talk to during the day...
post #143 of 152
We had such a good day today!

I dont remember if we had a conflict...probably....we usually have at least one. But I am not thinking about it thinking I screwed up.

I think ds fought with me about nap again. But he needs one so I stood my ground respectfully. (Which I am not always...I loose my cool fairly easily)

Yea!!!!!!!!!!!! (Even the 2 yr old.....except the parts where we had to buckle in the car. That is a war she isnt going to win....though she seems to keep trying. )
post #144 of 152
I've been reading this thread and you all are really making me feel better about my four year old - I'm not the only one!

I thought you'd appreciate our bedtime struggle tonight. He didn't want to go to sleep because his bed was "too comfortable." Heh. That was after our dinner struggle because he wanted freshly squeezed orange juice to drink. I have no idea where he came up with that - he's never had that before in his life.
post #145 of 152
Oh - I so belong on this thread. DS1 is 4 1/2 and I have a 10 month old DS as well. *Most* of the time DS1 is actually a great kid. But, this past couple months have been really challenging. Everything that other PP describe: fits, control issues, extreme irrationality, not listening, being oppositional, etc. etc. I find myself yelling, which I reallly don't like. There are days that it is a huge struggle to catch him doing the right thing. I feel like sometimes i nag, nag, nag, nag, nag. The OP post was right on the nail for happenings around here. I know it isn't just me because DS got in trouble at school twice this week for not listening and being highly disruptive (would not be redirected because he "couldn't help" acting up.)

I've started with time outs again this weekend. We haven't used them in a long time. My instinct is that DS1 requires additional structure right now, and that is one way that we provide it.
post #146 of 152
time outs seem to be working over here. And I dont like them either. Sometimes I do "time in" where we snuggle on the couch for 5 minutes before he can go and play again.
post #147 of 152
I've been doing the snuggle time instead of time outs too lately, it works better in the moment, instead of her screaming in the time out and kicking the wall I'm squeezing her in my arms kissing her head, its a constant learning journey out here in parenting world!
post #148 of 152
this morning was my fault...but I am not sure how I could have handled it...My ds woke up and made us a "feast" for breakfast. (He put cookies, soup, oatmeal, eggs, pancakes, yogurt, and cheese on the table for us. ) The problem was, he wanted me to make ALL of them. I hadn't had a moment to "pray" or meditate this morning because from 7 AM ON it was endless chatter from ds...I did lay in bed for an hour with him, but I tried to get in the right mindframe and I just couldnt, with all that stimulation. That is something that has been really helping me latley...spending like 5 minutes "getting my head right" for the day...feeling peaceful for a few minutes.

So breakfast didnt go that well because I wasnt making all that stuff! (And he had wanted it to be a special surprise....And I praised him for it, but my actions of putting it all away were enough to alienate him) So I chose pancakes....because I am an idiot. LOL. Sugar for breakfast! Not a good idea when we have the option of protein.

Then the whole family went for a $200 grocery shopping trip which I didnt plan well because I could not think of a single thing I wanted to eat this week...I have been trying to make a list since yesterday and have not been sucessful. Forgot to take my vitamen B yesterday-that could be why. So we finally needed food and if I wanted dh's help, it had to happen this morning. So I had to go and 'guess' what we could eat for a few days.

The grocery store was a nightmare...at one point, ds jumped out of the cart, RAN to the russel stover candy display, and shoved about 6 pieces of taffy in his mouth before I could get to him. : (Among a few other incidents...)

I'll leave it at that. LOL. At this point, its naptime in a few minutes and I am taking full advantage. If I can get a good nap, this afternoon is going to to better than this morning.

I am exausted.
post #149 of 152
Well, ds has been a lot more friendly and eager to please lately, but Oh.My.God he talks nonstop all day long! lovely sweet stuff, but even if it's a beautiful story about a rainbow fairy, I can only listen for so long, kwim?
Getting my head together in the morning is definitely an ordeal, especially since he's decided mama's shower time is the best time to hear a story.
He used to watch some PBS Kids in the am, but I feel like TV definitely gets him into a more hyper, less creative state, so if he doesn't ask, I don't turn it on.... I am really, really trying not to curtail his creativity as much as possible, as long as he doesn't destroy anything. (i.e. no drawing on the walls.)
I just have to get him around friends and other people that he can jabber endlessly to. ( phone calls to Grandma are really, really cool)
He's also taken to being in character for days at a time... right now he's Peter Pan and he's "visiting" us for a while. It kind of helps with the helpfulness: he's a wonderful guest
post #150 of 152
Boy, this thread sure hits home!! DH and I were just talking about how DS is getting so stubborn and whiny and were wondering when he would finally have a day where he wouldn't cry and throw a fit. It is very exhausting, but I have to say it is comforting to know that my kid isn't the only one!!! I am soooo tired of the power struggles and battles. Some days it seems like no matter what we are doing DS wants to do the opposite and purposely does things to get into trouble. But then there are times when he is just sooooo sweet and seems so grown-up.
post #151 of 152
Thought of something I wanted to share here - I've had fun getting ds to cooperate with small tasks with a little routine we came up with where I exclaim what a problem I have and that I better call a "service person" to help out.. I make a phone call to inquire whether such a person is available and of course, there's one that can come over right now! He knocks on the door, I greet him as the service person and he helps with the task, in character.
post #152 of 152
DD really like to do tasks with a time limit - such as "DD can you go upstairs and get your headband by the time I count to 15?" She races to do it about 9 times out of 10. For longer things, like getting dressed, I give her a count of 60 or 90. I start counting, and then stop when she is gone. As I hear her come back I start back up. Sometimes I count the whole time just so I don't feel like a fraud.

I just wanted to share this as I remembered it in case it helps someone!

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