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Need help

post #1 of 8
3/9/02 at 12:52pm
Thread Starter 
I have a five year old son and he is an only child. He is always getting into trouble in school because he is so spirited, very active and basically stubborn. Academically he is doing great, but I can't say the same about his behavior. The Teachers and care givers are having a difficult time with him and I get calls at work almost on a daily basis. We are currently attending Therapy to try to chanel his energy in a positive way but it doesn't seem to be working. I think he is a great kid and I don't want to change him. He is hiper at home, but he always finds something to occupy his time or I give him things to do. He just likes to do what he wants when he wants to. In school, he has a hard time with changes specially when they switch activities because he wants to finish what he started or he's simply not happy with the activity he was given. He is very strong minded and opinionated.He questions everything when he's not in agreement which is most of the time. The therapy doesn't seem to be helping him much in school, so I was wondering if you had any suggestions. I'm at a loss as to what to try next....
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post #2 of 8
3/9/02 at 6:55pm
What is his school like? It sounds like it might just be a bad fit between your ds and the school or maybe they just need some strategies for helping him. Do they offer him choices, lots of opportunities to move and interact, and appropriate ways of handling his feelings? Maybe if you share what you do at home when he's frustrated or uncooperative it will help them.
Gena
post #3 of 8
3/9/02 at 11:54pm
Gena, I just wanted to chime in and say that I like your approach to Working Mom's problum. I agree that you need to look closer at the problum and I loved the suggestion of letting the teachers know how you handle similar situations at home.
post #4 of 8
3/28/02 at 8:01pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally posted by gena
What is his school like? It sounds like it might just be a bad fit between your ds and the school or maybe they just need some strategies for helping him. Do they offer him choices, lots of opportunities to move and interact, and appropriate ways of handling his feelings? Maybe if you share what you do at home when he's frustrated or uncooperative it will help them.
Gena
We've had several meetings and I've asked for them to give him more choices while he is in the classroom. They seem to be very strict in their curriculum and expect every child to work in the same way. I believe all children are different and learn in different ways, but they seem not to want to bend. It isn't that he doesn't want to learn, it's just that he doesn't seem to want to follow their rules or do things their way. He is very free spirited and it gets him into trouble. At home he's fine because he gets my full attention, but in school he is with 19 other children. I'm looking into a private school for next year, because I'm truly tired of going back and forth with the school and teachers. I get the feeling that they do not want to try harder or have any interest in finding out what makes him tick. Thank you for your reply and I'm sorry I took so long to answer.
post #5 of 8
3/28/02 at 9:28pm
I have a 5yo that is very "active" too. I have posted on here in the past some methods that have worked for us. None of this is magic and I really came on here tonight because we have had an especially difficult time lately ourselves.

We have had some luck in the past with a "yoga type" excercise involving relaxing our body one part at a time and telling each other we are being "mellow". We first started doing it to explain what the word mellow meant and it has helped in quite a few situations because sometimes we just need to bend down and whisper the word mellow in his ear and he is reminded of the excersize.

It is hard for me to have other people deal with our dd. I fight feeling of defensiveness yet I realize how he can be. He can be so incredibly hard to deal with and at other times be the most loving, and empathetic child!

Good luck dealing with your son's school.
post #6 of 8
3/28/02 at 9:59pm
Your ds could be me 23 years ago! I was VERY lucky to have a mom and grandmother who never stopped saying "there's nothing wrong with her" and even luckier to have been in a tiny rural school with only 15-20 students per class. After a couple of years of endless parent teacher conferences and WONDERFUL projects thought up for me to do at home which my mom brought to the conferences, along with a very open mind and plenty of suggestions for the teachers, I was basically put into an independent study program. The teachers would tell me what they needed me to do and answer questions, but I was allowed to proceed through daily curriculum the way I wanted to. I ended up skipping two entire grades and graduating highschool before I could even get my driver's license. I am almost convinced that if I were going through school now they would have been much less supportive and just wanted me on ritalin. I agree that it sounds like there is a poor fit between your son and the school and cannot emphasize enough how important it is for you to continually tell him and show him your confidence that he is just the way he's supposed to be and that there is a perfect place and reason for him to be that way. I remember all to clearly the nagging doubts that I was stupid and would never fit in and just obviously flawed--some awful mistake. Those are terrible thoughts for a 5 year old to have to even consider. Keep up your good work and support. Your ds is lucky to have such a caring mama.
post #7 of 8
3/29/02 at 12:01pm
Your son sounds like a perfect candidate for a Sudbury school. The students completely control what they are learning when. I am not sure if there is one where you live, the ones in Chicago are barely getting started.

In a nutshell, the Sudbury method is to hand control of learning back to the students. The staff are there as facilitators only. The schools accept students from 4 thru 19. To graduate, the student has to prepare a thesis on why he or she is ready to join the rest of the community as a valuable contributor ( or some such, I am probably way over simplifiying here...)

Interesting to note: In the decades that the schools have been around, there has not been 1 case of dyslexia...seems to be tied to the fact that kids learn to read when they are ready, not when the teacher is ready to teach them....

Good luck!
post #8 of 8
4/1/02 at 12:18am
Thread Starter 
Thank you all for your imput. I find it harder to deal with the school then it is to deal with my son. I constantly reasure him that he is wonderful and that he is doing great. The school is not equipted to deal with children such as my son and that really bothers me. Why is it that they find it necessary to constantly put him down and make him feel as if he's the only child that causes problems. This is my constant argument with the school because most of the time, their complaints are so ridiculous that it makes me wonder if they should be teaching children at all. He is only five and even though I understand their frustration sometimes, I do not understand why they don't allow his age group to be more care free and simply let them be children. I have voiced my disagreement on some of their curriculum, when it comes to my son because I know him better then anyone. They don't seem to want to change some things to fit his needs. For example: if he doesn't want to do a certain activity and wants to go to another activity, the teacher gets mad and tries to make him do what she wants him to do. I've asked what was the big deal if he was allowed to move on to an activity that he liked as long as he was cooperative, quite and learning. Their answer was that he needs to learn discipline, but at five years of age, you're lucky if they follow rules at all. I'm sorry that I'm rambling but it's very frustrating for me to find out that the public school system basically gives up on children that present any kind of challenge and do not follow the "rules". Again, thank you for the responses because they do help me and I will look into the Sudbury method.