just whining

[eldadeedlit]

ugh. let me start out by saying that DH and I are not poor. He makes about $60,000 a year, which is about the median household income for this area. We live in a good school district in a nice neighborhood (not fancy, but safe and with good neighbors.)

I stay at home. Off and on I work, selling books online but at the moment I am in an off period. I do little things here and there but am in no way a "breadwinner."

The thing is... technically I guess we can afford to live here. We pay our mortgage and all our bills. We can afford to eat (not extravagently but nobody is starving or malnourished). We get hand-me-down clothes for the kids and buy things like shoes only rarely. We do end up spending some money on non-essentials just to keep our sanity: cable and an occasional movie, primarily. When we eat out, we get a $7 pizza.

We have NO savings. Nothing. It scares me. And it depresses me that we can't afford to do things that we want to do. We can't travel or send the kids to preschool. We can't afford to re-do our basement, kitchen or bathroom. It's like, we're living paycheck-to-paycheck and it stinks. I KNOW it could be worse!!! Believe me!! But it gets to me sometimes....

And DH planned on retiring AT LATEST at 30, and I'm like... I was hoping to start working once our youngest (who is 14 months old) was in kindergarten, and then maybe we could start saving more and actually doing the things we want... but he wants to stop working once I start (and my degree hardly lends itself to a lucrative career) so I don't think that will be possible.

I'm just frustrated. Sometimes I wish we had waited to start a family so we could have saved some $$ up while we both worked or something. We got pregnant while in college and had our 2nd shortly after graduation. I have never worked a real job where I got paychecks and stuff. I don't even know what I'd do if I were to work!

I love it here... this is where we both grew up and our families are here, but sometimes I daydream about moving up to Albany or something where the cost of living is cheaper just so maybe we could get ahead a little bit. I'm scared that we will be like this forever and never be able to save up for college, retirement, etc.

ANyway there really is no point to this. Just whining. Thanks for listening if you got this far.

[zersha]

How on earth is your dh planning on retiring by age 30 when you have no savings are are living paycheck to paycheck? Does he expect you to be the breadwinner and work until age 65 (or older)? That is really not fair at all. It's different if he wants to be a sahd, but from the tone of your post, that's not what it sounds like to me.

Unless he's made it big somehow, how can someone even imagine retiring that young??????? And if you've never been in the workforce and have been home for so long, I don't imagine that your starting salary could support your family.

[chinaKat]

How old are you and DH? Is 30 some far off goal? Or are you almost 30 now?

[Knittin' in the Shade]

you must live on Long Island, LOL! (I grew up in Massapequa, and every time I talk to any of my friends who still live there I tell them to GET OUT NOW!)

I'm thinking there's more to the DH-retiring at-30 story. That's crazy! I don't know anyone who wasn't wealthy (and by wealthy, I mean trust-fund in the millions of dollars wealthy) who isn't working at 30.

[amj'smommy]

I was kinda wondering about the "retiring at 30" thing too

[lmonter]

Originally Posted by amj'smommy

I was kinda wondering about the "retiring at 30" thing too

:
We have some savings and some investments and don't live paycheck to paycheck, but not near enough in all that for retirement. Unless your hubby's 15yo and plans to retire at 30yo... then that *might* be doable. Maybe.

[Free Thinker]

My poor DH is past retirement age according to your DH, but we still plan on retireing "young" (like at 55 instead of 70), so we still have a good 20 years to save and invest before. THere is literally NO way your DH can retire at age 30 if you are living PC to PC. No way. Of course he may want to change what he is doing, or scale back, but honestly won't hte kids be COSTING more at that age as opposed to now? Mine are 2 and 4 and aren't too expensive yet, but when they get older I am sure the expenses go up (food, clothing, toys, school, braces, ect.).

On another note, what will he do all day at age 30, for the next 50 years of his life? That's a LONG retirement!

[eldadeedlit]

I know, my husband is crazy!!

He had his whole life planned out before we had kids. He was going to work his butt off until he was 25 or 30, start his own business and then "retire" (maybe still doing some sort of executive type work on his business, whatever that was.) Sometimes I feel like he thinks the kids and I screwed up his plan, but seriously I think his plan was a little extreme to begin with.

We are 25 and 26.

I am hoping he agrees to continue working once I start working as my salary will be like, maybe $30,000/yr and that in no way will support us.

We don't live in Long Island... I imagine it is worse down there! We are in Dutchess County, which is relatively expensive b/c we are technically w/in travel distance of NYC (but who wants to commute 2 hrs a day each way on the train down to the city??? not me!)

Anyway thanks for reading. I know eventually we'll find our way out. We aren't in a lot of debt (other than the mortgage... we don't have a lot of student loans or anything.) and we don't make car payments or anything (both have used cars that were bought w/ cash.) I definitely know it could be MUCH MUCH MUCH worse and I am honestly SOOOO grateful that we have a nice home, live in a good neighborhood, have family nearby, etc. But sometimes I do get kind of down and feeling hopeless...like how will we get to a better place financially? kwim?

[famousmockngbrd]

Originally Posted by eldadeedlit

how will we get to a better place financially? kwim?

ITKWYM. I think you guys probably have to rethink your plan, lol. Clearly your DH will not be able to retire at 30, unless something really amazing happens in the next 4 years.

DH and I are past "retirement age" ourselves. Like a pp said, I am hoping we can retire "early", at like maybe 55 or so. And even that is going to be a long shot! I am hoping once I start working again (when the kids are both in school - I have a 2 yo and a 5 yo) we can start to catch up.

Personally I think you might have to have a heart to heart w/ your DH to figure out a plan for your future. It can be disheartening to realize that what you had envisioned for yourself is probably not actually going to happen. but the sooner he faces that fact, the better off you will all be, and then you can start making more realistic goals.

[chinaKat]

I was hoping to just be *married* by 30 and I even overshot that goal by a year!!!

[BetsyS]

And I missed my "baby by 30" goal by a year, too!

[WNB]

Originally Posted by eldadeedlit

...

We have NO savings. Nothing. ...
And DH planned on retiring AT LATEST at 30, and I'm like...

I think your DH needs to withdraw his head from the sand and clue in that retiring at 30 doesn't happen when you only earn the median income in the area where you live.

What does he do that he thinks retiring at 30 is even remotely reasonable? I'm floored by this: the guy most likely spent 15-20 years with all his needs provided for by someone else, and expects that working for 10-15 years will provide enough to live on for those 10-15 years and to provide for himself and a family for another 60+ years?

When he gets back from his (hopefully brief) trip to Planet Entitlement, I hope you and he can work out a long-term plan that will help you both achieve your goals.