Non-homebirth mama's of YOUNG kiddos, laboring at home?

[JamesMama]

How are you going to manage this with kiddos running around?

I'm nervous about going into early labor when DH is at work and then trying to labor at home until 1) he gets home and 2) I decide it's time to head to the hospital.

I suppose I could take him to my grandma's (she lives in the same apartment complex, just different building) but I know she'll spaz about me being in labor and want me to rush off to the hospital. My MIL will be keeping James but I *really* don't want her around when I'm in labor. She'll just sit there and stare at me and make me nervous. If it's on a Friday or in the mid afternoon my mom could come get him but I want her at the hospital with me. :::

Anyone else facing this?? I don't know if I can concentrate on *me* if I'm having to do for James as well...

[isosmom]

Dd was 25 months when I had ds and I labored at home until literally the last possible moment. At the time I was living with my mom and it was nice. I got to take a nap, relax, when dh got home from work we went for a family walk, did some shopping etc.
I guess it all depends on how your labor is going. If it hits you hard I would have someone on call until dh gets home, or just turn on a movie for ds?
This time I'll have a 5 yr old and a 3 yr old and am planning on taking them to my mom's house while in labor. Her house is much closer to my hospital as well, so I'll probably just labor there as well.
Could you just tell your grandma that you're in really early labor and that the hospital won't take you so soon, so she won't try to whisk you off?

[Izzy's Mom]

Well my last birth I laboured at home for several hours and while my young DS was at daycare, I know it wouldn't have been a problem to have him home. In those early stages I was able to be normal in between pains and I think he would have handled it well.

This time around I expect to have the 3 year old with me until it's time for me to go to the hospital and probably the 5 year old too - I hope it goes ok! It will take close to an hour at best to get someone to the house to help me, so I just have to make it work.

[chrysalis]

my mom is in same complex too, different building at the resort....so that is where megh will go... hopefully megh won't have to spend the night as she never has done this and i do not wwant her feeling in any way left out...when i go to the birth center or hospital she can be w/ my mom at her place and/or at the birth center w/ my mom........

[mittendrin]

With my last I labored at home til the last second. I was only 5-7 mins from the hospital tho. My older one was 21 mos. Luckily I was in hard labor at night and he never noticed a thing - he would've freaked out.
This time I am hoping to go into labor at night again so I won't scare them but I also have to leave earlier to go to the hospital since the drive is 20 mins and I am scared to have the baby on the highway.
My plan is to let dh take care of them before the sitter comes. We have 3 stories so I will find a place away from them if I am in a lot of pain and let out some howls (I am a moaner and howler).

[Valerieg]

I've already talked to the neighbor across the street. If it is during playtime hours (which I hope) then she'll take DD for awhile over to her house. Then she'll return to my house with her for sleeptime.

We don't call any family members until I'm either on the way to the hospital or already pretty far along in labor because I don't want any of them at the hospital (don't want the added pressure).

I have two other neighbors as backups as well in case the one neighbor isn't home. But I do intend to call DH immediately and have him come home this time. Last time, I let him finish his work day! :

We have an unbelievable number of family members and friends that have offered to help, so I'm not too worried.

[Momma Aimee]

ohhhhh renea we live the same life....

MIL and SIL show up tonight -- I am REALLY ready to have this baby ... and logically i know NOW is the best time. SIL is here for a full week as back up to Scott to distract and play with Theo (labor, while mom is gone and PP with the new one) ... then my mom shows up for 3 weeks -- MIL and SIL leave on the 1st, Mom comes ont eh 3rd .... sooooooooo if i have the baby NOW I get 4 full weeks fo support (theo will be more distracted from em and the new baby trying to learn to nurse, and maybe even sleep a little) and Scott will have help and so on ............

but I am not too hip on the idea of laboring with SIL and MIL here :

I too worry about the logistics of having a 23.5 month old and the early "is this labor, is it not, do i call Scott home, do i call the doula, when do we go to the hosptial" stuff -- all that was : : : enough last time with just us ... now with Theo there is not only so much more to think about ... but there is the physical reality of HIM here with me, though after tonight not here with me alone as we have been and as you are, and wanting me, and when am i ready to leave him .. and do we leave him at 7 pm, or wait till he is asleep and leave at 8:30 or ...... yadda yadda yadda ....

I was more worried about the "is this labor, do i call scott home" issues when i was alone with him -- MIL and SIl aren't my ideal .. but they do remove some of that from me.

I still worry about the reality of him wanting me and me being in labor ....... jsut the physical issue of him knowing i am somewhere in the house, or him falling and crying and not being soothed by anything else, or him wanting food and no one else figureing out what he wants and so on .... yes i KNWO all that will still go one once i am gone, and someone will have to make it work , but i hate to penilize Theo and that is what i feel like -- stick him with SIL who has NO CLUE what he is asking for as far as food or whatever ... well she is not the one who is gonna feel punished and desserted and lost and confused THEO is ....... so it is gonna be hard enough for me to let go wheil i am gone ... if i am here i don't see how i can do it .... and if he knows i am gone, he will -- i think -- accept better 'well this is it" with SIL (or scott or mom for that matter, no one knows him like i do) but if i am upstairs while he is in conflict .. how is he gonna feel?????

i was not able to relax when i was in labor with HIM, i just don't know how it igonna work this time.

Could you take James to Grandama and LIE .. I am jsut feeling really tired and a little crampy, I need to lay down for an hour or two ... and in 2 or 3 hours assess really where you are in labor and calling josh and all that ???? .......or PP had a good suggestion, tell her "yes this is early labor, but could go on for a day or more, the MW says to stay home for now and i will check in with her in 3 or 4 hours ....." mainly the turth anyway -- the CNM doesn't want you there too soon either.

Our Support Person for Theo -- minus family being here -- is an hour away anyway -- so even that is a complex "do i call, when do i call" questions.

I will call DH asap and he will drive the hour home -- buttttttttttttttttttt i don't want to do that if i am not really in labor....... he has a lot of work he is trying to finish so he can be more "here" when the baby is here, i do not want false alarms for him .....

[adon]

even though i am having a HB i am also worried about this. DH may possibly be in the middle of 2 trials (court wouldn't continue them), and my mom is the "helper" for DS. my mom lives 5 hours away!: MIL lives across the street, but i rather her not even know when i am in labor, and good friends/neighbors are going to be out of town for a week or two...so my plan is.....my DF's son and my DS are good friends. so she will come and pick up DS and take him over to her house to play until my mom arrives. that's our temp plan right now.

[rainbowsprite]

My DD is 14 mo and I'm not sure what I'm going to do either.... my DH has only just got a job after months out of work and cannot take any time off (they dont even know I'm PG, he wouldnt have been offered the job if they knew) so I cant just call him home from work. My mum lives half an hour away so she can come over and look after Ivy but I'm not sure about labouring with her around, I think she will panic and stress me out, but having laboured in a hospital on my own (no DH, MW nothing - long story...) last time I'm not really looking forward to doing it again so I want to delay going to the hospital as long as possible... still need to find someone to drive me too, not sure I want Ivy in the car with me and my mum whilist on ouir way there... sigh.. I should have sorted this all out ages ago i guess, I just didnt expect DH to get a job offer :

[JamesMama]

Aimee, thats exactly it. We are in SUCH a small apartment I can't invite someone over and go elsewhere in the house. We have 3 rooms (plus bathroom) and they are all in the same 650 sq/ft so I'll be sooooo close.

I won't be calling DH right away because we can't afford for him to take off any more time than truly necessary. I have my 'support person' that I can call during the day.

I guess I could lie to my grandma...she's just a bit spazy about stuff like this. Which is funny considering she had 7 kids of her own but it was over 40 years ago, during the age of 'twlight sleep' so she doesn't really 'get' laboring. kwim? I don't want to worry her.

James is still at that stage where he's pretty dependent on me. If DH were here he could distract him...if I were to call MIL she'd want to hang around and stare at me and stay here JIC I need 'rushed' the 5 minutes to the hospital :

I want to labor at home for as long as humanly possible, but the logistics of laboring in a VERY small apartment with a 2.5 y/o frighten me.

Just another thing to stress about I suppose. I *hope* I can distract him for as long as possible with a video but if this labor is anything like his I won't have much of a 'build up' I went from zero contractions to broken water and contractions every 4.5 mins apart in the course of 20 minutes. My midwife doesn't want to see me until my contractions are consistanly 3 minutes apart and lasting for more than 45 seconds. I'm scared that I'll be hit by semi-hard labor right away and won't be able to 'deal' with him.

[ComfyCozy]

Looking at your options, I think the grandma option is the way to go. You can always leave her with the impression that you're bringing James and going home to prepare to go. Well of course you are...your leaving just might be a little delayed But it'll keep you out of MIL's eye, and it keeps Mom available for when you're ready.

How long does it take for your dh to get home from work? That used to be a concern of mine; my dh works about 1.5-2 hours from home depending on the traffic, but I've never had a labor where that was a problem and we're going on baby 6, so take heart. Hopefully you'll start your labor overnight, or on a weekend.

And hey, if you walk him to Grandma's, you get the added benefits of walking in labor!! Get that baby moving!

[Apryl Srissa]

I have this concern too. My youngest is very hands on with me. I've already had issues during this prodomal stuff, him climbing or pushing me during contractions. So far, I've managed to keep my cool, and dh has distracted a lot, but if it gets really strong when he's out, no clue. But luckily, after he finishes this shift right now (8pm), the next two are just over nights, then he's off the rest of Sat and all Sun. So at least he'll be around. So fingers crossed she comes tomorrow afternoon, that would be perfect lol

[JamesMama]

DH can be home in 20-30 minutes so I'm not *that* concerned about that.

[StacieM]

Thankfully - each time I started labor at home with kids - they were all sleeping. Once we just packed them all in the car and dropped them off with MIL. The other time, my SIL had just so happened to take him with her for a sleepover and I was in labor that night.

We'll see what happens this time around, but my oldest is 10 and she can already help quite a bit with my youngest. Plus, once I know I'm in labor, I won't be at home. My last 3 labors have been too quick to try to stay home for a while, then go.

[Momma Aimee]

I want to labor at home for as long as humanly possible, but the logistics of laboring in a VERY small apartment with a 2.5 y/o frighten me.

I know -- our house is bigger -- but very very very open, few divided off rooms.

Also Theo is smart -- he knows momma is home, somehwere and he will wait me out of come find me.

Also i want to labor at home as along as i can -- 33 hours of labor last time, but OB keeps telling me and too bad Scott heard "this one will be a lot faster" (ok 24 hours so Scott is ALREADY talking about "not waiting too long" ... and frankly at what point does staying home "to relax and be settled and calm" go out the window when home as a toddler and a hubby asking "is it time" .... :

We also have an hour drive, not that it matter a whole lot to me -- buttttttttttttttt scott is all bent out of shape all ready about not having the baby in the car or whatever -- again i think he is taking th OB a bit toooo litterally when he says the baby will come "faster". Sis had her last one in like 8 hours start to breastfeeding, so I think DH is expecting some amazing fast thing, whereas i think the Ob is just menaing NOT 30+ hours again ....

but it is such a balanceing act

my biggest things is gonna be me -- if i am home i can't let someone else parent my child (god help me not MIL), even Scott is not always "right" imo ............ I MIGHT just let go and labor better at the hosptial than here at home : : : how werid is THAT

Aimee

[JamesMama]

My labor with James was only 11.5 hours so I won't be spending THAT much time at home. My m/w told me not to expect anything longer than 8 hours this time. But if I can stay at home for 6 of those 8 hours that would be ideal.