Ready for my cave/hermit (avoiding birth convos in order to keep my head on straight)

[yogabear]

Has anyone felt this way in the 3rd trimester? I feel great mentally and physically, but I only want to talk to certain people about our birth plan, the baby, even names. I feel like I'm in the "right" mental place to enjoy a calm, gentle birth with my baby, and I don't want to read or be "influenced/freaked out" by any birth stories. I don't want to ruin this "good vibe" I have in my head.

But then I feel bad/rude for not talking or responding to people when they ask? Ugh. My gut tells me to do what is best for baby and me, and that means inevitably upsetting a few people, which isn't my fave thing to do.

[cheeseRjedi]

Do what you need to do. I'm not even due for 2 more weeks and my mom is already calling me every other day asking if I'm in labor and have had the baby yet....like she thinks I won't call her after the baby comes or something :. So yeah, go into your cave.

[kiwiva]

I did Hypnobabies and the program stressed the importance of being surrounded by supportive messages about birth, including not watching any of those birth shows and stopping people from sharing negative stories.

At my shower, when discussing my plans for NCB I had to put my hand up (literally) and tell a friend to stop dissing my plans with her negativity about how her sister planned NCB too but when the time came it was too hard. I got mad as she actually argued w/ me. I aplogized for getting mad but explained that everyone wants to tell pregnant women bad stories, noone has anything positive or supportive to say and that I had spent months training for this. She felt that when she gave birth years earlier she was ill prepared so she thought she was helping me prepare by telling me this stuff.

Most of us have spent years being programmed with all these negative messages about childbirth. So it is completely reasonable for you to want to surround yourself with positive stuff.

[pampered_mom]

Originally Posted by kiwiva

I did Hypnobabies and the program stressed the importance of being surrounded by supportive messages about birth, including not watching any of those birth shows and stopping people from sharing negative stories.

:

[g&a]

I say go for it!
I'm in a really bad headspace about it all right now, and once I get back on my feet I'll at least be tempted to quit reading all the non-reassuring stuff out there. Wouldn't it be nice to retreat into a cave and just birth the baby and not worry about another thing?
g.

[kittywitty]

I'm trying to think of postive thoughts, too. So I am not talking to anyone I know except my brother about having a UC/homebirth. I accidently let slip to my mother (who I am trying to reconcile with) about hb, and she is pretty adamantly against it which goes against everything she ever taught me...so we are waiting until after the birth to tell anyone our plans. Dh's family keeps bringing it up, we just work around the question.

[GreenRose]

I have a very hard time not sharing things with family/friends.. and i suspect a few know my birth center plans.. but i'm very tempted, from now on, to just give them all the name of a local hospital when they ask where i'm going to give birth.

I wish I was able to fight the negative thoughts and doubt that come up when someone goes on about how painful it is, blah blah.... but it's very hard for a first-timer!

Hm. Where's that cave.

[LemonPie]

Yes, I can so relate! You get to that point where every question about your pregnancy just feels like an intense invasion of privacy. I got to where I hated going to church. There's an elderly lady in my congregation who would ask me every. single. week. from about 28 weeks on, "When is your baby due?" When I'd tell her, AGAIN, she'd say, "Ohhhh, you have a LOOOOONNNNGGGG way to go still!" Um. . . NOT helpful! Not to mention the questions about dilation or effacement. How EXACTLY is my cervix any of YOUR business? Oh, it's NOT!

Jen

[yogabear]

Well, to the cave I go.... it's seems like my only "safe" option. It's nice to know I'm not alone, and at least these feelings are normal.

I think what really prompted this post is the fact that my DH and I are hosting a Halloween party this weekend, and the questions are bound to come up. Maybe I'll just sneak off during the party and read excerpts from Birthing from Within and do some raspberry leaf jello shots

[PreggieUBA2C]

Yogabear, I completely relate! I am actually pretty cranky now about people asking me any questions at all about my pg; it just feels like an invasion of my privacy in such an inappropriate way. I think that the way my body is, the baby is, and what I think and feel about it are so personal and intimate that I don't really want anyone else to ask or talk to me about it. I still haven't written my last birth story, and I don't know if I will because after the birth, I felt so close to my experience, so completely changed as a woman, mother, and wife, that I don't think I will ever share it except in intimate conversations of my choosing.

Where we live, I absolutely have to hole-up though since I will be the first woman to (purposefully) birth here since long before it became a town; every pg woman leaves town at least 3 wks before edd and doesn't return until several wks pp. I won't be doing that, but I can't tell anyone or we could find ourselves in trouble. It's just as well that others think I won't be here; I just can't answer the phone for a while after the babe's born and I'll have to pretend that I wasn't here for the weeks following the birth (I'm hoping for snow before the birth because then fewer will be out and about), change the birth date for conversation, and then we're moving in February, so the charade doesn't have to go on forever. Whew!

Find the cave, sister!

[yogabear]

Well, crap. I walked into my cave last night and there was a neon sign that said, "You're all set for the birth. Congratulations! What about all the other crap that happens at the hospital AFTER the birth????"

(Yes, we're planning a hospital birth, but I'm okay with that - long story, feel free to read my blog if you want the details )

Dang. Just when I thought my head was in the clear. :

[GreenRose]

Originally Posted by yogabear

Maybe I'll just sneak off during the party and read excerpts from Birthing from Within and do some raspberry leaf jello shots

[arizona_umi]

i can totally relate and think it's perfectly healthy to go into hermit mode. i've been in that mode throughout this whole pregnancy (currently 29 weeks). i just find that the more i tap into my inner self, the more i want to retreat from everyone. birth to me is a very private adventure and inviting negative people into your space, consciously or unconsciously, does nothing but harm. let them say their piece amongst themselves, you've got a job to do

[Arwyn]

Are you kidding? I did my darndest to not even LOOK pregnant so no one would talk to me (it worked - I carried small, and it was winter so I could wear a coat all the time), and even though we'd chosen the name before we were even TTC, we weren't telling anyone. So yea, I understand the cave.

(I also found myself, toward the end, not coming into B&B as much, because I had all the info I needed, and didn't want to be reading any more about anybody else - good thing I have a rockin' co-mod who picked up all the slack and then some. )

[yogabear]

Originally Posted by Arwyn

Are you kidding? I did my darndest to not even LOOK pregnant so no one would talk to me (it worked - I carried small, and it was winter so I could wear a coat all the time)

I've done that the last month or so when I go grocery shopping!