sex still painful 14 months later

[milansmommy]

I gave birth to ds 14 months ago and sex is still really, really painful. I did have a episiotomy and a horrible 4th degree tear but everything seemed to heal nicely. I thought that after a year things would have got to get better but they still have not and I'm now really questioning what is wrong here. Anybody have similar experience or any input as to what is going on? Also, it's not just a dryness issue.

[kerikadi]

Please go see an OB/GYN. This happened with a Mama on another board I know. The doc gave her a shot which was very painful at that moment but after that everything was MUCH better. You and your DP shouldn't have to live like this.

[milansmommy]

Thank you for your response. I didn't think it was normal but I've been putting off going to a doctor about it.

[hubris]

I would definitely check with your doc to at least discuss your options.

That said, I also had a wicked episiotomy that extended into a 3rd, almost 4th degree tear. I had horrible pain with sex for a very long time. I think I was about 15 mos post-partum when sex became unpainful and enjoyable again. That was around the same time that my DS1 night weaned. It wasn't a dryness issue, it had to do with the round-the-clock nursing hormones affecting the elasticity of the tissue.

The up side is that after things got better, sex was actually more enjoyable for me than ever before in my life. I wish the same for you. Healing vibes headed your way... (((hugs)))

[Electra375]

When I was 15 mo PP I finally went to see a CNM to look things over. She was not all that helpful, but said eveything looked normal and fine.

I would suggest finding a former OB, now just GYN to look you over. I would also suggest not going to the person who stitched you up, they may have done something wrong. I don't know.

I went to a GYN after my last birth and I need reconstructive surgery at some point. I do not want to do this until I am finished having children. Making that decision is hard b/c of our religious beliefs. I'm stuck.

[terrabella]

I agree, see a doctor.
But also, have you tried to massage yourself with oil? Too easily women do all these things before baby, and then put themselves on a shelf afterward. Get some nice vitamin e oil and massage yourself at least daily. Also, check yourself. Have you looked at yourself with a mirror? Personally felt around to see just what exactly hurts? You need to know these things before you talk to a doc. They need more details. Not every yoni looks the same. A Doctor, not knowing what yours looked like before, is not going to see anything wrong unless it is major. But if you can be descriptive, then that will help them a LOT.

[milansmommy]

Thank you for your responses! I'm sorry for those of you that had to go through this but it's good to know that others have gone through it and to hear their stories. It's not an easy thing to talk about. I was going to try to see the doctor that did the stiching but now I think I will go to someone new in case there is a problem and the original ob/gyn might not be willing to admit to it.

Apple Pomegranate- thanks for the suggestion, you are very correct about taking care of ourselves during pregnancy and not after. I will definitely try massaging with oil and hopefully that will help.

Hubris- I'm glad to hear that things got better for you! I'm breastfeeding around the clock so that my have something to do with it.

Electra375- I'm sorry you have to have reconstructive surgery.

[Electra375]

Best of luck, I hope you find a compassionate doctor who will listen and hopefully know how to help you.

It is definitely a difficult subject to talk to a "stranger" about and frankly, a doctor whom you have never met before is a stranger.

If you like your OB, the going there first might be conceivable. If you have asked before now and been blown off, then don't bother wasting your time and find someone else. Maybe you could ask around in Tribes or at a LLL mtg or Birthcircle mtg...