I want to apologize sincerely to anyone who was at all offended by my previous post. At the time I am typing this, no one had mentioned it specifically offending them, but did mention other posts with a similar tone to mine that they found offensive, so... My apologies.
That said, I feel a little bit of a need to clarify what I was trying to get at with my last post.. I live in a rural, poverty-stricken area. The schools generally suck, there are not a lot of better than minimum wage opportunities job-wise, and since a lot of the parents of people in my generation (I'm 25) and slightly younger are hard-core super-fundies, there's a lot of emphasis on abstinence, and a lot of (what I see as) resultant young (teenage, high school age) parents. I have found, through personal experience, that people of my age and social class (dh, dd, and I get by on less than $1k/mo) tend to not think for themselves. While I don't see anyone necessarily saying, "The Man knows what's best for me! Corporations have my best interests in mind! I love the establishment!" there is a LOT of just going with the flow. Very sheeple-y, kwim? It is the ff'ers with this attitude that bother me.
My older sister is kinda an example. I love her dearly, but she is very "go with the flow" and not so much, "hey wait, is this really a good idea?" When she was pregnant - both times - she planned to bf, I think primarily because she saw my mother bf my brother and myself (we're a little more than a decade younger than her) and was encouraged to bf by Mom. She did not read anything about pregnancy, birth, or breastfeeding during either pregnancy.
No really. She read nothing. I am not joking. It's like, if it wasn't important enough for someone else to spell it out for her, why bother?
She had a c-section with her oldest, I think because of FTP. She tried to bf, it was terribly painful and she was bleeding more than lactating. The hospital staff told her she wasn't making enough milk, and they took her son and started to supplement. No LC, no help, just, "Hey, you suck at this, let us do something else then!" Her second and last, a daughter, was born with the help of vacuum extraction, again FTP. Same story with the bf.
She had terrible experiences with both births and bf'ing attempts. And I can't help but feel it's kinda her fault, because she did NOTHING to prepare for them.
It's that that irks me, sickens me. It's knowing that there are people who just do what seems easiest.. Okay, sure, they love their babies.. but wth? It just seems so irresponsible and UNloving to me to not do everything you can to ensure that things are as perfect for your baby as you can make them.
I understand some women try and fail. That happens with every human activity. It's the ones who give it a half-hearted try or no try at all and shrug it off.. and for the sake of their children, and their children's children, I feel like something needs to be done to help. I think that's kinda what the point of this thread was supposed to be - when you feel like they're not even giving it the ol' college try, what do you do? do you say anything? if so, how do you come off as friendly and helpful and not scary and mean? or do you just do what you're doing and hope they want to emulate you? or do nothing?
My problem is, without knowing the situation how can a person say another mom (or parent) is not AP or doesn't care about their kidlets and the person thinks well I'd never be their friend. That's crass judgment without just cause kwim?
Your posts do not offend me and bring up very valid points. It's a valid thread that makes a person think about the situation more profoundly. I enjoy a healthy discussion but making comments about not being friends when perceiving non AP just because someone does it differently adds nothing to the discussion but hurt feelings or being offended and the perceived need to defend oneself (to which none of your posts did at all).
I should not have the need or feel I need to defend myself but posts like the one that offended me just bring out the worse in me. I'm still quite raw from my past experiences. I always viewed myself as bf'ing and when I failed at it not once but 4 times it was heartbreaking and destroyed some of my self esteem as a person and a mother. I just never figured it would be that hard kwim?
That brings me to this point, why is it that women are never told it can be hard but all those "books" toot their horns about how easy (at least seemingly so) and wonderful bf is. The books don't talk about the tears, the frustration, the engorgement hurting, the mastitis or crappy latch problems, they don't talk about it not being instinctual, they don't talk about tongue ties or weak suckle reflex and not one bf'ing book I've ever read talks about either micro prems or prems or NICU and over coming the obstacles associated with.
Breastfeeding is a beautiful, selfless act any mother could ever commit for her child(ren). So is Exclusively pumping and you know what even supp and FF is a self sacrifice for some women because a woman who needs to supp or FF sacrifices her self esteem and feelings when she has no choice but to EP or supp or FF when she knows she has not succeeded at BF.
It's a bitter failure to me and I don't need it thrown in my face by holier than thou attitudes and "I am better than you and you can't possibly be AP if you don't BF".
AP was around just as long as BF is. You can FF (and EP) and be AP too. Just because there is a bottle in your hand doesn't mean you can't have that eye contact or the cuddles and the loving relationship. It's not just exclusively a BF thing kwim?
OTH, those people who diliberately do no research, don't inform themselves and just really truely don't care tick me off just as much as any other lactivist! I really can't answer the original post because I have a big fat mouth too at times but I try to be gentle and ask in a positive light (if that makes sense lol). I try not to judge and won't without the history behind the situation. If the mama shares with me, then hey I'll be there to listen and support. If they seem receptive to bf'ing info I'll share it.
I'm rambling aren't I...: