odd..am i the only one... - Page 3

[Beeblebrox]

I don't have a *problem* with anything anyone writes. I was just posting to say I don't think there is anything wrong with offering up different POVs and I don't think there is anything wrong with doing that like someone suggested there was. I don't go through a checklist as someone posts and say...ahh sorry you're out of the crunchy club. On the chance they really may not know (since many suggested the people in the DDCs are newer) I offer up that there may be a different choice. If no one ever said that, MDC wouldn't be MDC.

[CherryBomb]

Well, anything other than UC/HB is pretty scorned on MDC, so I'd imagine women might feel safer in the smaller, more intimate DDCs.

[meisterfrau]

Originally Posted by pampered_mom

I don't think that's at all what any of us who agreed with the OPs sentiment said. I'm sure it's nice to come from a happy birthing past, but some of us don't have that privilege. Some of us have had traumatic experiences...surely you can understand why somethings might be more of a "trigger" for others. Imo, you can have a high degree of comfort with your own decisions and still on some level be dealing with your own birthing past.

To this, I say "exactly!" Except I think I mean it in a different way than you do. What it means to me is that I am not going to slink away from the boards in shame because I had another c-section.

Semi OT, there were posters who lobbied here for a "medically necessary c-section" subforum, which would almost certainly have cut down on the CS talk on other forums. That request, as far as I know, was denied, since I sure don't see one. Talk about feeling unsupported!

No one posting on MDC is likely to find that their decision to have a hombirth or UC is questioned by anyone. If anyone was so silly as to do such a thing, other posters would be ALL OVER that person, and rightly so.

[CherryBomb]

Originally Posted by meisterfrau

To this, I say "exactly!" Except I think I mean it in a different way than you do. What it means to me is that I am not going to slink away from the boards in shame because I had another c-section.

I agree. I really won't talk about my "failed" HBAC here because I just don't feel like being judged and condescended to and told I must've done something wrong. I'm hoping for a hospital VBA2C this time and I won't talk about that outside my DDC really, either, for similar reasons. I have enough pain, I don't need self-righteous UA violations adding to it. I'm also not going to beg for forgiveness for having two EC/S.

[tyisrrs]

Hmmm, I'm in the January DDC and there are a lot of hospital birthers who get US's and all kinds of testing, but there are also crunchy homebirthers interested in EC'ing and all that granola stuff, like me. I also lightly post on a mainstream board, but don't really open a lot of threads since they are so medically oriented. IRL I have noone who supports my homebirth, let alone crunchy living (except my darling husband), so I am just happy to have ANY support I can get, I guess. Plus, I haven't noticed any of the more mainstream types that give homebirther's or UC'ers a hard time for their choices. That's really cool since I get negative reactions IRL.

[green_momma2007]

Originally Posted by Ackray

I think that questions and topics like what you are referring to are more common in the DDC's because the mamas in the groups are more like friends and less likely to stone each other when they don't agree.

I completely agree. I think there's less judgement when you know the person a little bit more.

[Ironica]

Originally Posted by pampered_mom

I don't think that's at all what any of us who agreed with the OPs sentiment said. I'm sure it's nice to come from a happy birthing past, but some of us don't have that privilege. Some of us have had traumatic experiences.

Well, let's see, this is my previous birth experience, in a nutshell:

* Tested GBS positive
* BP went up at week 39 above the magic numbers
* Water broke at 40+2, thick meconium in the fluid

Headed straight to hospital, since I was GBS+ (and didn't know much about it). Urged to stay in bed to keep my BP down, though they showed me how to unplug the monitors first thing so I could go to the bathroom at will. Had a heplock between abx doses.

Blood labs come back after a couple hours... scaring the !@#$ out of the midwife. CBC and platelet counts *way* down from my results a week earlier. Talking about Mag Sulfate, HELLP Syndrome, etc. More blood taken a couple hours later to double-check. Still not in active labor.

New labs come back, same numbers as the week before. Lab error. Whew. (However, once this MW's nervousness gets turned up to that level, it's hard to dial it back down, apparently.)

At 12 hours we tried cervadil, and at 18 finally consented to induction.

18 hours later, finally consented to epidural. Didn't take; two hours later, got it again. Meanwhile, couldn't leave the bed in case it *did* take, so had to get a catheter without anesthesia.

Woke up at like 2 a.m. with a searing, stabbing pain between my shoulderblades. RN on duty wouldn't wake up the midwife for three hours. DH finally got it managed with massage and pillows.

12 hours later (as my uterus started conking out), finally consented to c-section. Spent two hours on the operating table. Although everything checked out fine on the anesthesia pre-checks, once they got past the first layer and started retracting, I started feeling PAIN. I'm sure the epidural cut it *some*, but it was at least as bad as the worst pitocin contractions.

Now, thanks to our providers, who at least knew what "consent" meant, we didn't experience this whole odyssey as extremely traumatic. But I'd hardly call this a "happy" birthing past.

Now, when I posted the questions you quoted, I was thinking in particular of this quote (which I'm not attributing, because I'm not trying to single out the *person* who quoted it... it seems representative of a certain sentiment common to several posters in this thread):

I am not able to spend as much time in my DDC because of this - it's just not the supportive environment I want.....at times, it feels like babycenter, LOL!

So, that is someone saying, in essence, that the environment is "unsupportive" because the other moms are making different decisions from her. But perhaps I'm misunderstanding a lot of people here?

[Beeblebrox]

My DDC seems to be very supportive. I'm enjoying it there. I thought the OP came back and clarified that she didn't mean MDC.

[DBZ]

I think there is a glass half empty/full thing going on. With my last pregnancy I posted on a mainstream board. Some people didn't even know what a doula or midwife were. Few choose them. I'm sure if someone mentioned wanting to UP/UC people would have been hunting that mama down and calling DSS on her! I am so glad that I don't have to read thread after thread of people woshipping the epi-god or choosing to have a c/s to avoid feeling a ctx. I am so thankful to read about people looking forward to a natural labor and being in tune with their baby and body.

[CherryBomb]

Originally Posted by Ironica

But I'd hardly call this a "happy" birthing past.

Yeah, I didn't really get that statement. either. I wouldn't call 2 emergency c/s and a severely brain damaged child a "happy birthing past." I

So, that is someone saying, in essence, that the environment is "unsupportive" because the other moms are making different decisions from her. But perhaps I'm misunderstanding a lot of people here?

This is how I understood it, too. And I don't really see how making different choices means you're unsupportive of people who go the other route.

[kerikadi]

I wouldn't say it was unsuportive for me but it was like I didn't have much in common with most of the women in my DDC. And it didn't have that NFL/MDC feel to it.

[lilkat]

I agree that it seems like the DDC threads have a different "feel" than some of the other MDC threads, but that makes sense to me. They serve different purposes! I hang out in my DDC for the love, support and advice of the amazing women whom I feel I have come to know over the past couple of months (Hi! March '08 DDC! You rock!). I come here to the general pregnancy board for more heated debates about various aspects of childbirth and parenting, and to learn how the MDC community feels about things.

I just feel sorry that some women might avoid their DDCs and miss out on that loving atmosphere because they feel that their DDC is "too mainstream". And I certainly have never experienced any cricitism in my DDC for anyone being "too crunchy"!

[lylas]

Well, I for one respects anyone decisions to do things their own way.....weither I agree with it or not.....everyone is entitled to their own way of life. I personally don't think it matters where you give birth and it certainly has no bearing on the type of parenting you decide on. Just as long as you are comfortable with where ever you choose to give birth and respect other people's choices as well. I also don't consider just one way of parenting as the right way....there are certain methods I would not choose and certain choices for my children I would not make. But again, unless someone is putting their child in harms way, then I have to respect their choices. If that makes me mainstream, then I guess so be it..... But as far as I've seen here at MDC, everyone is very supportive and nice....not judgemental of others.

[pampered_mom]

Originally Posted by meisterfrau

Semi OT, there were posters who lobbied here for a "medically necessary c-section" subforum, which would almost certainly have cut down on the CS talk on other forums. That request, as far as I know, was denied, since I sure don't see one. Talk about feeling unsupported!

As a c/s mama myself, I'm personally very glad that the forum was not brought into existence...precisely because the issue of "medically necessary" when it comes to the discussion of c/s here and elsewhere is so very muddy. There are lots of women I've spoken to IRL that believe that their c/s was "medically necessary"...heck, for the first year following my c/s I believed that as well. That doesn't mean that I was right. Who gets to decide if it is? More often than not the sentiment is that the mom gets to decide if it was necessary because how dare anyone question her own personal experience.

I for one am very glad that when I first started talking to others about my c/s that they were comfortable challenging my understanding b/c without that I don't think I would have ever come to terms with the fact that it truly was medically unnecessary. What if they had been leery of ever prompting me because they were afraid that they'd "discount" my personal birthing experience?

My point being that I don't find that kind of "support", I'll borrow a pps term which was probably done for lack of a better word, in the DDCs (or even many other pregnancy related subforums) because it really does seem that the mamas there, as a general rule embrace more medical type management (notice I'm saying "generally" here...it's certainly not all). It's just not what I expected to find at MDC, but I understand why it happens.

[lovingmommyhood]

Originally Posted by Ackray

I think that questions and topics like what you are referring to are more common in the DDC's because the mamas in the groups are more like friends and less likely to stone each other when they don't agree.

Thank you! So true!! In your DDC you can actually be honest because they are much less likely to come unglued on you for your choices.

I'm having a hospital birth by choice. I am glad to know that makes me annoying, mainstream and unwelcome. :

I love my DDC. Go May!

[GreenRose]

Originally Posted by Dea

Also the DDCs are like a stepping off point to ender the MDC world and living an NFL lifestyle.
I really like how the November mamas have stepped up to defend their DDC, I want to chime in and say that February one is also VERY supportive.

Agreed. The DDC are a great start to seeing what else it out there. I've just recently switched from hospital to birth center, and it's because i had a whole range of women adding their 2cents in a supportive and fun way. I think our Feb. DDC has the full range of birth choices... and it's nice to hear all the opinions and know that no matter which way you're going, you'll have encouragement without judgement, and someone to give you the extra piece of information you were missing.

[2bluefish]

I really think it has to depend on the particular DDC. Mine has been just fine and very helpful to me - and I'm planning a UC.

[ChristyM26]

Originally Posted by lovingmommyhood

Thank you! So true!! In your DDC you can actually be honest because they are much less likely to come unglued on you for your choices.

I'm having a hospital birth by choice. I am glad to know that makes me annoying, mainstream and unwelcome. :

I love my DDC. Go May!

: I don't understand why it is immediately assumed that if you are giving birth in a hospital, by choice, that you are somehow uninformed. I thought the idea was to do research and decide what birth YOU are most comfortable with, not what everybody else says you should do. And for some of us, a hospital is where we want to be. That doesn't make us mainstream. IMO, mainstream are people who never looked into their options and simply went with the flow. By default, I would think, if you're at MDC you've probably looked at your options - including midwifes, homebirths and UCs.

Choosing a hospital birth doesn't make me uninformed. Why should I not talk about it just because somebody else thinks it's a bad choice?

[kerikadi]

Originally Posted by lovingmommyhood

I'm having a hospital birth by choice. I am glad to know that makes me annoying, mainstream and unwelcome. :

Really? Somebody said that? Where? Can you link me?

Mainstream to me isn't hospital birth it's agreeing to every little test without question. It's going for your 3th unnecessary U/S for a look see. Not planning your birth as a participant but more as a spectator etc.

For me the women were lovely and very sweet but it was like being in a group of women that had different plans and expectations than myself kiind of like going out with your single friends after you've been married a few years. Then again, I was a 5th time Mom and would have probably fit right in during my first pregnancy.
I spent most of my pregnancy here and the homebirth board because that is why I came to MDC, for the crunch

[melissakc]

Originally Posted by kerikadi

Mainstream to me isn't hospital birth it's agreeing to every little test without question. It's going for your 3th unnecessary U/S for a look see.

My problem outside of my DDC is that people make the assumption that if you do have a test or choose an intervention that it's without question, like you said. Just because you choose something that isn't "kosher" here on MDC doesn't mean that you are ignorant, have done no research, have no background that would explain why you would want to do it, haven't wrestled with it emotionally, and need an education. It's the whole "crunchier than thou" attitude that really turns me off. It's just the flipside of what you will find on a mainstream site--"OMG, you're having a baby at HOME?! Let me tell you why that's so dangerous! For your own good! Let me enlighten you!" : That's what really bothers me--it's the same attitude, just the other side.

And I agree with lovingmommyhood that people definitely have critical attitudes here about hospital births! How many times have I read, "I would never have a baby in a hospital" or "Hospitals are far too dangerous for my baby" or "The risks of a hospital birth are not worth it"?

I agree that most people in our society do not question birth and could have better experiences if they did, but I just wish we could all cut each other some slack here on MDC and not assume we know what is best for someone else or what we would do when we've never been in someone else's shoes.