Younger Midwife? Opinions please - Page 3

[Human_Being]

Originally Posted by Mamabeakley

I know there are probably great MWs who haven't given birth. But I think I wouldn't personally be comfy with them.

I always think this is odd for the reason that no woman's pregnancy or labor is ever like any others...

Like if she had really easy pregnancies and you puked everyday, was it really the same experience? If someone has to go through 2 years of fertility treatment to get pregnant, is it really the same experience as someone who gets pregnant easily or on accident? If someone has easy short labors, are they then less qualified for helping women with long hard ones? If you have postpartum depression, or a hard time nursing, preeclampsia, or a crappy birth, does she need to have had those things in order to really be able to help you?

I mean if you go through something, you surely have a better perspective on what its like. But I think there are lots of scenarios where a midwife will not have walked in your shoes and still be of great help. That's where her experience of being part of lots of births comes in, she may not have gone through it, but she may have been part of it for someone else. And that means she may have lots of great experience but no kids.

When I was a midwife who had not given birth, I used to think about how no one asks their heart surgeon if they ever had heart surgery as a qualification for good practice!

I feel since becoming a mother, I have more experience and advice for many aspects of mothering, but each of our lives are different. I can say what works for me but it may not help them at all. I had a really easy baby, and a great partner/ husband, and that doesn't give me better perspective for the woman who comes back at 6 weeks with a babe that just cries and cries, or is married to a jerk that does not help her out.

Plus, I am actually not working now because having a young one myself, I don't want to give and give like I used to. I want to get home and spend time with my own family, not be at a labor for a day or more and then have to spend another day sleeping it off and another day making up the appointments I missed because of it! I have had people interview me and want to know I DID NOT have kids because they did not want my attention divided between my work and home responsibilities as much.

One midwife I worked with had been at thousands of births. She had awesome clinical skills. She had infertility (and I think she went through a lot with it) and adopted later in life. At the time we worked together, she was burned out and crabby, too. I never fit wither her personality- she was of a strict religion that did not speak to me.

When we worked together, some people liked her because of her religion, or age, or experience, and other liked me because of my personality, energy, or other things. I was the one you were going to wish you had if you were going to have a long labor, because I could go and go!

I think we each have a lot to offer women. I think young midwives have energy, new relevant information that older midwives may not incorporate into their practices, and other great qualities. And I love the archetype of the older, wise nurturing menopausal midwife who can guide us into motherhood. But I do not have a midwife like in my community. It all comes down to the personalities, experience, and options available near you.

[the_lissa]

One of my midwives is a mother. The other isn't. The one who wasn't was just as capable and wonderful as the one who was.

[CarolynnMarilynn]

I voted that age doesn't matter. I have had midwives very senior and midwives of my age and what I preferred was a trust and a connection, over age and even experience.

Sometimes older midwives rely too much on their experience (and thus, habits), and not enough on research or current standards of practice. And conversely, less experienced midwives can freak out over strange yet normal occurances (for example: pustular melanosis).

I was 30 when I graduated and at the time people said I looked younger (now 5 years later no one says that anymore!). I remember one of my first clients was in her 40s and had left her hometown and moved thousands of kilometers to the city I was practicing in. Her other midwife, whom she had to leave behind, was present for her other two kids' births and a real sage woman-type. Our first meeting she was early 3rd trimester and I could see in her eyes that she was disappointed and worried that I was so much younger than her. I was sharing caseload with an older midwife and this client preferred the older midwife, I could tell. Well, she called in labour and I was on. I went to her and when she opened her door I could see that she was having a hard time accepting that I would be her midwife. Of course, I felt so badly for her, and just set about being with her as best I could. I really had to shake off imposter syndrome and a whole bunch of feelings of inadequacy that night! She had had a midwife before she had really liked and I felt like I would be compared unfavourably to her.

In the end she ended up turning her mind to just being a labouring woman and accepting my help and comfort. She had a wonderful waterbirth, her first, and later she confided in me that she had had so many reservations about such a young and inexperienced midwife, but that I had totally served her well. Her partner, a religious person, went so far as to tell me I was one of their angels. I was so touched. So touched that I was able to help them and just be the midwife that I was and could give her what she needed. In the end we really connected!

I think in the end what people want in a midwife is:
1) someone who they can communicate with, with ease and comfortably
2) someone who is trustworthy and confident and will put the woman's needs, both desires and medical need (if needed) first
3) someone who is open about their biases, their experience, and what they can offer
4) someone they can imagine caring for them, being kind, and cleaning up their puke
5) someone they can imagine will be sweet to their baby
6) someone with the necessary skills to take charge in an emergency and perform necessary skills
7) someone who trusts women and their bodies

Age doesn't really come in to play in these requirements, just a perception of ability.

[jennidurbin]

I say age is not the major factor at all.

[onelilguysmommy]

id prefer someone younger if theyre capable and knowledeable!

[SublimeBirthGirl]

I voted that age doesn't matter. Anecdotally, I know a lot of local midwives and like most of them, but feel more personally comfortable with those on the younger side (though most are older than you are). I like the way they practice better, and I think that's why. The older midwives seem to be more conservative, and I'm a big believer in stay out of the way and let things happen, trusting the process. Maybe because older midwives are more likely to have seen things go wrong, it gets harder for them to trust all the time.