Really, no one WANTS an early baby. Trust me. My EDD was 11/1, and Isaac is only now just starting to act like a newborn baby instead of like a fetus. He was/is so skinny. He's only now starting to be able to maintain his body temperature without being really bundled up. He's only just now really getting to where I don't have to resort to undressing him and making him cry to get him to nurse enough to gain weight. His suck was weak at first, and nursing was hard. He'd get tired out so easily. Babies who are born early have a higher incidence of jaundice, like he had. It's been a lot of worrying instead of a lot of blissful babymooning.
And I won't even get into the NICU.
Suffice it to say, three days felt like forever, and I don't know HOW mamas handle it whose babies are in there a long time. (Kathteach...
, Mama.)
Everyone who is a few weeks away from their EDD is probably saying "What a nut, of course I know I don't want a pre-term baby!"
But my baby was a 37 weeker...considered term, considered to be at an age where his lungs should have been mature, but they weren't, yet. He needed to cook longer. My dates were not off. I know exactly when I conceived, so there's no chance he was really only 36 weeks or something like that.
I didn't want to post a bunch of negative stuff here in our DDC. In fact, I felt kind of bad after the fact for posting a birth story so soon because I didn't want to worry mamas who might have their babies early or who might end up with c-sections because I know my experience isn't typical and could scare the crap out of someone. I knew there were a few here for whom early babies or c-sections were a possibility or even a known certainty.
Does it sound crazy to say that with 2 c-sections and two 37 week babies I feel like I missed out on the waiting, the anticipation? I've never had so much as a single real contraction. Never dilated more than a centimeter on my own. I've never had the nesting thing. Never had the good natured annoyance of having people call my house all day long to ask if I had the baby yet. Never had the complete strangers looking at me like they expect my water to break right there on the spot. Heck, never had my water break! I wanted to get all those things this time!
I keep thinking he should still be on the inside. I should be savoring the last days of feeling him inside, kicking and moving. I should be enjoying the last days alone with my daughter. I should be scrubbing and cleaning in preparation for his arrival. I should be PREGNANT now, eagerly anticipating his arrival. I'd give a lot to have him still there, healthy, protected, and allowed to come in his own time, into a gentle world, into Mama's arms instead of into an isolette, alone. I feel like we both deserved that and didn't get it.
They'll be here when they're ready.
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I am *so* impatient!
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: so annoying!!!!!!
