Originally Posted by ~Purity♥Lake~
Why would a child only be allowed around their nc parent when they're 100% well? Don't both parents have to deal with their child when they're ill?
Her Mother insisted on putting two things into the visitation order- if she's too sick to travel (1/2 hour drive between houses), she doesn't have to travel. Unfortunately, since she's at her Mother's house when she's too sick to travel, she stays there. It's also put into the visitation schedule that is she's at our house and becomes sick and asks to be brought back to her Mother (something that has never happened yet), we need to return her immediately. Unfortunately, it leaves a whole bunch of grey in between for her Mother to play in, since my Hubby isn't willing to play the same game back.
Originally Posted by cycle
I always felt bad and worried about my mom when we woudl go with my dad, always. Not because of anything my mom said to me, she never made us feel bad about going, always encourages us.
It was just something I felt on my own. I missed her, I would have preferred to be with her, I had a stronger and closer relationship with my mom, it wasn't about my mom making me feel guilty or relying on me too much.
Don't just assume dsc's moms are doing or saying something to manipulate them into feeling bad. I would guess that many times the dsc are quite capable of coming up with feelings like these on their own.
Definately something to keep in mind- I suspect if my son was visiting his Biological Father, he would tend to be like you, but I truly believe my stepdaughter is a different issue. It's all, or at least, mostly, Mother initiated with her. Gushing about how much she missed her when she was at our house, calling repeatedly to make sure me and her Dad are taking care of her right, making sure she reminded Katherine how she brought her to Disney World when we bring Katherine back from a camping trip, telling her she'll be "waiting for you to come back" when we pick her up. You'd have to hear her to understand exactly what I'm trying to say. In short, her Mother tells her at every turn that Katherine is her life, her only life and that she just cannot function until Katherine is home, with her REAL
family and that she knows how much Katherine will be missing her while she's at our house, but don't worry, you'll be home, soon. She makes Katherine choose who to love most- HER
, instead of letting Katherine love all her family, like she wants to. You don't know what I would give for my stepdaughter to have a Mother like yours, who lets her know it's okay to love someone besides Mommy and that it doesn't mean she loves Mommy less if she loves Daddy or me or her brother or that her Mother CAN
function without her. That's too much pressure to put on a little girl. Or anyone, actually. My stepdaughter was so excited to actually be spending Halloweeen with us and Trick-or-Treating with us. She did not sound happy to find out that first, she will be dropped off (compliments of Hubby) at her Mother's work for three hours and then picked up (compliments of Hubby) in time to drive back and start Trick-or-Treating, but as she put it, "My Mom needs to spend time with me on Halloween.", not "I want to see Mom." or "I want to show Mom my costume.", but "My MOM
needs to see me on Halloween." That's why I worry about her and her Mother, even though there's nothing I could do about it, even if I knew what to do about it. Everything's "How will my MOM
feel about it?, What does my MOM
want?" It's not supposed to be all about her Mother' it's supposed to be all about her. If HER
feelings were clinging to her Mother, that would be one thing, but it's her Mother's feelings, clinging to the child. She's getting old enough so that she's realizing that nobody else's Mother does this and she's been getting... I don't know how to describe it. I think it makes her wonder why her Mother always needs to be right in there, no matter what she's doing. I think she's feeling smothered, though not in so many words, in 7 year old words.