Got Poverty?

[ediesmom]

Man, I am so frustrated that people see poverty as a catchy disease! I have experienced more discrimination lately, its just way too much! Living poverty is hard enough, but to have to put up with the discrimination is making it all too much.

small example. I am on a board. We were having a quarterly meeting. I purchased the food....on my FS card. I want reimbursement. Everyone else gets reimbursed for their purchases for the Organization. But since my receipt has a FS total on it it somehow invalidates my expenditure? Well, I now have to spend bill money on food.

Then, I have a shoulder issue. After years of trying EVERYTHING I decide to go ahead with surgery. Due to my "insurance" (welfare, thank god, but welfare) there are limited spots for an operating room, so I have to wait three freaking months! It was difficult to make the choice to have surgery, and then to have a slap in the face just because of my welfare insurance...:

One day, while under fire for something totally socioeconomic related I looked into a fellow boardmembers eyes and asked point blank"does my poverty scare you?": He was tongue tied, but I new he thought that between me being a woman and poor that I really wasn't capable of living up to his standards.

I am a very intelligent, driven, caring, compassionate woman. I do not APPEAR (formally) uneducated and poverty stricken. I am well spoken and respected in my community. That usually all changes when my 'peers' find out I am a student (undergrad) and ride the friggin bus and use food stamps.

Why would my opinion, input, and hard work be viewed any differently due to my socioeconomic status.

I remember after I had Edie, I was hounded by the "vaccine police". I think this was due to my poverty status, too. None of my well-to-do friends have had an issue with that. Just we poor moms. Like if we don't have money and education and are on Medicaid we somehow don't have the capability of making informed decisions regarding our childrens health? I don't see the correlation between money and using your mind. They would come to my home!!!! Uninvited. I finally told them they were not only not needed, but not welcome. And I was scared to tell them that! Ridiculous! Absolutely ridiculous to be afraid of authorites because you are poor!

I think I could make a Million dollars selling those catchy little t-shirts.....black with white lettering--- Got Poverty?
(but no-one who would wear one could afford one!)

GRRRRRRRRRRR

breathe Randee breathe

[Dar]

Poverty sucks. I think some of this goes back to our Puritan roots, where we as a society believe that hard work is the key to success, and hard-working people get ahead while lazy people are poor. It's not true, but that's the story our country tells itself about itself, and it allows people who are rich to not feel guilty about it - "Well, if those poor people would work hard like me they'd be rich, too!" Not.

Originally Posted by ediesmom

small example. I am on a board. We were having a quarterly meeting. I purchased the food....on my FS card. I want reimbursement. Everyone else gets reimbursed for their purchases for the Organization. But since my receipt has a FS total on it it somehow invalidates my expenditure? Well, I now have to spend bill money on food.

FWIW, for them to give you cash to reimburse you for a food stamps purchase would be a violation of federal law.... like selling your food stamps for cash. I know it happens all the time, but I can see why a board wouldn't want to do it.

dar

[phathui5]

FWIW, for them to give you cash to reimburse you for a food stamps purchase would be a violation of federal law.... like selling your food stamps for cash. I know it happens all the time, but I can see why a board wouldn't want to do it.

This is what I was thinking. Perhaps they could reimburse you with something like a grocery store gift card. Would that be legal?

They would come to my home!!!! Uninvited

I had this happen with a public health worker who came because I had medical assistance during my pregnancy. With the number in our family, we qualified for it and dh had forgotten to add me to his insurance during open enrollment. But she felt the need to tell me things like "I've seen a lot of cases where CPS has been called because of co-sleeping."

She wasn't invited back.

[Mama Dragon]

People with money think if you're smart, you'd get yourself out of poverty. I've been told that many times. It's definitely not true!! But some people are educated idiots as I like to call them.

[Thystle]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}



Do you have to stay on that board?

[arahzel]

I'm sorry.

[mrskennedy]

Don't I know what you mean! Won't go into details... Beating a dead horse is of absolutely no use. But yeah, I do know what you mean.

And I'd buy one of those tshirts, but really, it's cheaper to make my own! : Sorry, bad joke.

[mrskennedy]

Originally Posted by Dar

FWIW, for them to give you cash to reimburse you for a food stamps purchase would be a violation of federal law.... like selling your food stamps for cash. I know it happens all the time, but I can see why a board wouldn't want to do it.

dar

Big frickin WHOOP! She still deserves reimbursement! Find a way around the FS thing, people. Come the heck on! If someone else gets reimbursed, OP should too. DUH! :

[katheek77]

He's an idiot, plain and simple, who has played into statistics.

Statisitically (and don't flame me, these are statistics), the lower your SAT score (and, I suppose, people *ass*ume your IQ) the more likely you are to be a lower-income earner.

Lots of people assume if you're poor you're an idiot.

I am lucky enough to have a best friend who is literally (LITERALLY) a genius, but on WIC. Neither she or her husband (Cornell graduate) are idiots, or near so. But, guess what....public perception is that they are not "smart" enough to work their way out of poverty.

I really hope this hasn't offended you...a ot of people like to look at the perceptions and the statistics and refuse to see beyond that...and, yes, I def. think you should be reimbursued...how is your money "valued" any less??? :

[MilkTrance]

I think some of this goes back to our Puritan roots, where we as a society believe that hard work is the key to success, and hard-working people get ahead while lazy people are poor.

This is EXACTLY what it is.

[justmama]

Just another mama sympathizing with you. We are on wic and medicaid right now and soon will be applying for food stamps. Not only am I on state assistance but I am a young, single mama to 2 and I'm pregnant again and I work as a waitress. Stereotypes abound!!!!!! I might be a 26 year old waitress who's single and gets wic and medicaid but I have been married 3 years and am recently separated and have no family for help and no college degree and I work REALLY hard for my money. I work through barfing in the bathroom and I work twice as hard as some of the other people I work with. My managers love me. So I am really not one of those "lazy people collecting welfare and choosing not to work" though that's what people see when they see me with 2 kids and one on the way with no wedding ring and looking so young.

[ediesmom]

I was so intrigued when I logged on and saw that 10 people had replied. I find the responses so valuable....especially today (no reason, really, just on a poverty kick)

I had never thought of the legalities of the FS reimbursement issue. Its a good point, and I would take a grocery GC. I m just behind, now, in my food budget and making it up means spending cash meant for (precious few) other things.

I DO work my butt off. Unfortunately the things I find worthy of spending my time on are things that are mostly volunteer. I really feel that if nobody fights that the fight will be lost, with me and others like me on the losing end. So, staying on the board that I am on and fighting for the more disenfranchised of my community is really important to me. Facing the idiots with money with my yard sale and thrift store clothing and my bus pass in my pocket and that little feeling of "fraud" nagging at me is what I feel like I need to do.

So. For today I will remind myself that the meek shall inherit the earth. That I am wealthy in so many other ways. That my willingness to stand for my truth may keep me financially poor, but morally rich.

A friend gifted me recently with an Emerson quote. I need to share it, for me (i think) more than anyone.

" to laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics , and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch......., to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."

When I walk past my fridge and I see this quote nested in with pictures and drawings, schedules and appointment cards it really lets me know that the struggle is worth it. Opening other peoples eyes to the reality of poverty is my "other" job, for today. My reality of poverty is that it is a life. A respectable, hard working life that deserves the highest consideration.



off to work.....

[spring978]

funny in many areas of our country Elementary school workers with families qualify for WIC and food stamps.

The number of "poor" people in this country keeps growing and is only getting bigger. Unfortunately unless you live in a area where frugal is the new "in" thing, you will still feel like you are being looked down on, remember most of this attitude comes from fear. Its easy to pity a poor person but when the poor person is educated and looks like everyone else it frightens people beyond words it reminds them that it could happen to them.

On the food stamp issue you should start purchasing these items with cash assuring you will be reimbursed.

[mrskennedy]

OP, I haven't read the rest of the replies, so someone may have mentioned this already. But so this doesn't happen again, the next time you buy food for the board, you could use cash. That way they would have no reason not to reimburse you.

[Marcee]

HUGS... No one deseves to be treated like that.

[ediesmom]

Thank you for the hugs. I think I'll need them.

I slept on some of the responses.....because I was so incredulous and angry. But I am awake now, and no less grumpy.

A few of of you mamas suggested that I use cash the next time I purchase for the Org. if I expect a reimbursement. While I sympathize with the logic, I must point out that I live in extreme POVERTY, and did not have actual cash available.

I am sure that you didn't mean to be dismissive about my poverty, but I am offended nonetheless. Maybe people living in poverty really shouldn't be in a civic leadership position if they have to use food stamps? Maybe if you are so poor your voice should be silenced? Maybe I am not an effective advocate for the other people living in poverty in my community? Maybe someone who uses an EBT card instead of a Platinum Visa should just accept that she is powerless, because money is the only true power?

I really DO appreciate all the support on this thread. I am just so offended that even mommas that I feel a close kinship with are blindly prejudice against poverty, and therefore, ME.

Poverty is an issue that people really need to think (and feel) about. We NEED solidarity, not charity.

[LuvMyLittles]

I also live in extreme poverty and completely understand. Thank you for your representation because no, people don't get it and yes, poverty scares them.

I don't think the women on this board are trying to be rude or difficult, but that they truly don't understand : that extreme poverty means that after I pay my rent, let alone my bills, I have exactly $17 to last my three children and me for a month for clothes, laundry, soap, vitamins, gifts, toothpaste, etc. People do make lots of assumptions about who you are based on appearance and you can't look "poor" on line. If it were not for family helping pay bills I couldn't be here - and thus my voice would be silent/invisible - and that is the expectation. When I bring up these types of issues with people in the welfare system, like the instructor in the class I am required to take ('cause you gotta earn your welfare check), I am told that I am the exception and that most of the people on assistance are poor because they have no motivation or skills. I am insulted by that assumption even if I am supposed to be the exception, especially when I am next to several people with college educations or coming out of truly horrific circumstances or both. People are much worse about the internalized classism that they do not examine than they are about racism (in fact the word classism isn't even in the dictionary here at MDC) - its ok to hate or discriminate against the poor and its not ok to talk about it. (At least the instructor of the class is honest and tells us that we need to get out of the system if we want to stop being treated like cr@p, because it is all about money.)

When I discussed my monthly budget with my FPU class at church, they were embarrassed and incredulous that we could "look so nice" and be so poor, totally clueless that I had handwashed the kids clothes in the tub and ridden an hour to get there on the bus. When I get the condescending/ignorant "why don't you just" nonsense about money it makes me want to scream.

My only advise is to get mad and let that anger make you powerful when you discuss this with the board. You and your child deserve reimbursement of some kind. They are taking total advantage your poverty and they need to be aware of the fact that they are directly hurting a very poor family. Because people assume fs and TANF are "free" money they don't know that what they say and do hurts us both emotionally and financially until we say something. Embarrass them if you have to by being direct and spelling it out: "I spent this percent of my food budget on this meeting and now I have to spend this much of my household budget to fix it and that means that these bills will not get paid. If you go without reimbursement it means that you may not get a latte for a few days this month. Do you really feel good about my kid going with out power so that you can be smug nasty snob to a poor mom, because that is what you are doing." OK - maybe you shouldn't call them names, but I'd be really tempted.

[ediesmom]

LML, thank you for your kind, caring and totally comprehensive response. I KNOW in my heart that ALL the mamas here on MDC are caring about what they are aware of. Part of prejudice is unawareness, though.

In your response you told how the teacher in your (welfare) class commented on, while YOU are an exception, most people on welfare are lazy and unmotivated. Oh God, this kills me. I think that very few people on welfare fit that description. Maybe I am too idealistic, but I have faith that people in poverty are just as hard working as people with high paying jobs.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about poverty, not just because I'm in it, but because it is a growing issue here in the US.. I really think that there needs to be solidarity instead of charity. When people get a hand out it is temporary. When there is a hand up it might last forever.

Right now I am wasting between 3 and 4 hours a day walking or bussing or waitng for rides. I cannot afford to get my car fixed. If I could save my time I would be able to work (at the cornerstore, but whatever....it would be cash). But I have to get to class, get me daughter safely to and from school, get to the grocery, etc.. KWIM? If there was someone willing to fix my vehicle on 'time', my life would be different. But its pay up front. I pay my bills, late most of the time.....but they get paid. As it stands right now I am stuck spending a large portion of my day doing the transportation shuffle.

If you see someone with black skin, or a hajib, or a physical disability, or any of the many things that people are discriminated against for, you would not ignore it. People living in poverty are denied their disability. We should get over it, pull ourselves out of it, don't be so lazy....whatever we are told at every turn.

And LML, I am angry, and I take it with me, along with my poverty, wherever I go. I am vocal about dicrimination against people in poverty. I think I never want to live a life of luxury, just because to do so might mean I forget. Poverty, the invisible disability. Please mamas, remember...solidarity NOT charity.

[kkfum]

i just want to say that although i absolutely have no idea what it's like to live in your shoes, i have worked with nonprofit organizations whose board members are so absolutely removed from the day to day struggles of the people they claim to assist.

please do not quit that board (i don't suppose you were going to anyway). there should be many more people living in your circumstances---those who truly reflect the ridiculous levels of poverty in such a "wealthy" nation---who help shape nonprofit programs and policies.

you are an inspiration.

[spring978]

I wanted to add I totally understand poverty for the last couple of years, we have rasied 3 children on less than 13,000 a year. So please dont feel like I was minamizing your poverty by suggesting you use cash.

spending cash would not remove the money from your budget like using your foodstamps. Since using cash would allow for reimbursement,using your card wouldnt.

((hugs)) to you